DEVASTED by Wife Leaving... (page 4)

RevMalk

confuzcious, I can definately relate to what you're going through. Please feel free to email me anytime. We're here for you, just remember that.

Rev

outnfree

I'm with Brummie, bikerchic, Hmmmm , and LB. I am also astounded that LDH came down on the "side" of suing the local elder body!!!????!!!!

Confuzious made his own rifts, that is clear. His wife likely would have left him years ago if she hadn't been trying to be a submissive, forgiving, member of Jehovah's flock: "Jehovah hates a divorcing!" His attitude of wanting WT theocracy to put him in the right while he a) no longer wants to be a Witness and b) is the one who 'left' the marriage to begin with is incredible.

Confuzious, if you are upset and suicidal, get professional help. There IS life after divorce, and counseling can help you improve your people skills as well.

outnfree

outoftheorg

Well Confuzed, I would say, that you pretty much shit in your own nest a long time ago and are only now feeling the consequences.

I doubt you stand a chance with the wife. If I were you I would take this opportunity to clean up my own act. Get away from the wbts thinking. Accept the divorce and your fault and mistakes.

Grow up and get a life and get on with it. It is well worth the effort and humility to fess up and build a new and better life. Put the suicide thing in the "not an option" box and if you need to see a professional for help, do so.

Tell the soon to be ex that you are sorry and wish things could have been better. Try to not get into a bitter, hateful, costly, divorce, followed by years of hatred and conflict. If there are children involved, THEIR well being and needs are to come first before either yours or the ex wife.

In life some things just must come to an end and a new start made. Live with it.

Outoftheorg

mouthy

"If your sins are scarlet the will be made as white as snow""" remember that Confuz.... But I have to give my two cents worth... First of all I had a daughter in the Borg whos hubby committed adultary twice also-( she is not a JW now )But she forgave him Because she thought that is what Jehovah wanted.... So Your wife must be a real godly person really- But when you turned against GOD( HER GOD not mine) that was a differant matter- She still feels she is doing what God ( her God) wants. By leaving you. If I was you.... I would not kill myself( if the thought comes again) I would start going to other fellowships where Christians gather- It is a difficult thing to do when your just out of the WT-but you will need friends- & if you had two affairs before--- I am sure it wont take long to find another lady- but this time do as the LORD suggests - be TRUE!!! Also pray for His guidence, direction, & help . Using women as a sex partner is not love --- Find another one to be friend with until your free from your wife- I cant see her taking you back- She has lost faith in you. Faith is a hard thing to restore.( Good luck...

LDH

Ummm....may I remind you that we are reading ONE side of the story only? We don't know what, if anything, she did wrong.

The fact that she forgave him--that was her business. But once something has been forgiven, you can't build on it later if that person does something else to piss you off. You have FORGIVEN it.

The Elder body has NO formal training on marriage counseling, period . I dare say that if ANY of you went to the elders for marriage advice--they would offer it!!!!

WRONG. They should be referring people to qualified medical personnel.

THAT is why I said sue the Elder body.

Lisa

troucul

I know sometimes even though adultery is justifiable grounds for divorce, innocent mates are discouraged and looked down upon if they decide to end the relationship. (I know I felt that way)Is it possible the wife felt the same way? She may have had the urge to end it, but thought twice (and a third time in your case) about it. But now she can get real sympathy from others since you are committing 'spiritual' adultery.

Having been the innocent party, (and somewhat guilty later on also) I see both sides to the story. Sometimes the pain is too unbearable to continue the relationship. I'm pretty sure at some point down the road, if you do in fact stay together, you're going to regret her taking you back. Some mates keep a mental record of that and decide that when the oppurtunity arises, may 'get even.'

It's not the end of the world if you two decide to end it. Who knows, perhaps when the dust settles, and the pain has died down, perhaps you two could start over. Last I knew, there was no law against remarrying your ex. Shit, I've done it, and I know plenty of others who have.

Just keep telling yourself, it's going to get worse before it gets better. That thought, in a weird way, helped me get through things. I know, the thought of being single sucks, especially when you've always had someone to come home to. Trust me, it gets better.

LB

Lisa yes we only have his side of the story. Do you think her side would make him look any better? He has admitted to sleeping with other women (against bible principles) and then want her to follow his interpertation of bible principles by staying married to him? Please, you know better than that.

This is a very controlling man who has lost control and is busy pointing the finger at elders, the society his wife and every other direction than at himself.

If anything the elders kept her in a loveless marriage longer than she should have. I have known many women in her shoes where the elders have encouraged her to stick with the marriage, to make it work. She is well rid of him.

I know we love to bash the society around here and I've done plenty of that. But sometimes we need to take responsibility for our lot in life. I think this is one of those times. He messed up his marriage. He claims to be devasted??? Wonder how she felt when she found out he was banging someone else???

Skeptic

The fact that she forgave him--that was her business. But once something has been forgiven, you can't build on it later if that person does something else to piss you off. You have FORGIVEN it.

LDH, as general principle, I would agree. But in the case of repetitious behaviour, I would take previous cheating into account.

I have had lovers cheat on me and I forgave them. Trust me there are worse crimes, especially when there are circumstances that need to be taken into account. If their cheating happens again and again, then the past "forgiven" behaviour should be taken into account. Because then you know that they are going to keep doing it. At that point, there are a few ways of handling it, only one of which is to end the relationship.

I know we love to bash the society around here and I've done plenty of that. But sometimes we need to take responsibility for our lot in life. I think this is one of those times. He messed up his marriage. He claims to be devasted??? Wonder how she felt when she found out he was banging someone else???

I couldn't agree more, LB.

Richard

Edited by - Skeptic on 30 January 2003 17:13:18

Carmel

I's sure like to hear her side of the story before wading in! Seems to me anyone who shouts as much as you seem may have an anger management problem. For what it's worth, try professional counciling then come back and share.

caveman

Pepper

Trust me, your wife was looking for a legitimate reason to leave, that in her mind would not ruffle any feathers with her friends or elders. My ex-wife did the same thing, and then I seen her going from door to door in the neighbor hood, I wanted to puke, her preaching Godly things while she was apart from her husband. Its all a bunch of bull shit, most of the crap the Witness teach is amunition for women against their husbands as well as their wifes, shit no one can do all that crap as they say, evn the pampas elders. So there!!!

Pepper

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

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