Just a few more (page 11)

BugEye

There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a
look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his
penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach
and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for
his penis which he left sticking out. Two old ladies were strolling along
the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of
the sand she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the
other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.'' The other lady asked
what she meant.
''When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was
60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80
and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to
squat!''

BugEye

A former prostitute with a rather well-used vagina that has been somewhat
stretched is given a proposal of marriage by a man she meets in a bar one
night. She thinks it over, and she decides to accept his proposal.

Her private parts are somewhat oversized from her former occupation, but
she decides to approach the problem after they are married. On their
wedding night, she explains the problem by saying that when she was a
small child, she got her privates caught on some barbed wire while climbing
over a fence, which explains why her vagina is so big.

They make wild and passionate love for most of the night, and in the early
hours of the morning, her husband, after regaining his breath, turns to her
and says, "I can understand your private parts being stretched by this
barbed wire, my dear, but just HOW far across the field were you before
you noticed??"

BugEye

Did you hear condoms are now being sold with a free calling card? The
attached instructions say, "If you can't come, call."

BugEye

A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife had
given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to get any
sex.

They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to hold out?"

"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist."

BugEye

A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a
towel over his groin.

A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his
chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting
sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to
lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.

"You wanna wank?" she asked.

"You bet," came the excited reply.

"O.K.," she said. "I come back in ten minutes."

BugEye

A guy goes to a carnival and sees a sign - Kisses : $5 to $50 bucks.
He asks the gal, "Is the price difference due to the duration of the kiss?"
To which she replies, "Nope. Lip placement."

BugEye

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd
toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching
one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut
fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing
it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her
date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then
shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When
the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and
yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter
brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he
was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's
going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

think41self

OMG Bugeye,

I just found this today. ROFLMFAO

Where did you find all these? Nevermind, I don't wanna know!

think41self

"Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

BugEye

Request by the penis
The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following
reasons:

has to work hard;
has to work at great depths;
has to work upside down;
has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; -
has to work in a high humidity environment;
has to work at high temperatures;
does not get weekends and holidays off;
does not get time off after extra hours of work;
Has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional
sickness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Request denied
--------
for the following reasons:

does not work 8 hours in a row;
does not answer immediately to all requests;
after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; shows no
fidelity to the workplace;
retires too early;
does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work; -
Sometimes leaves work, too early.

BugEye

4 KINDS OF SEX

HOUSE SEX: When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX: After you have been married for a while you just have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX: After you have been married for many, many years, you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**K YOU"

COURTROOM SEX: Your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of lots of people for every penny you've
got.

Just a few more

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