as a for example, i was talking to my sister the other day, and she said, "remember that time a couple years ago when we were in a huge fight and i threw a pair of scissors at you and they were like a millimeter away from hitting your eye?" and i was like, "wow, i had completely forgotten about that." i really had. it was a big blowout fight and i was damn near blinded by the scissor assault, but i forgave her because she felt HORRIBLE, and moved on. this wasnt THAT long ago. i'm sure there are tons of things like that that i've forgotten. every once in a while i'll be reminded of something that someone did, and really i'm starting to think i forget a hell of a lot more slights than i remember. ;)
Forgiving & Forgetting
by StinkyPantz 69 Replies latest jw friends
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StinkyPantz
So what types of things don't deserve forgiving?
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tinkerbell82
the answer to that is subjective, SP. something i might consider unforgivable would not seem that terrible to another person. it's all relative.
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iiz2cool
So what types of things don't deserve forgiving?
It depends on the sincerity of the apology, if there is one. Walter Ontario District Overbeer
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frenchbabyface
It depends on so much things ...
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StinkyPantz
Opinions is what I want .
iiz-
So the person must be sorry in order to be forgiven?
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tinkerbell82
Well, OK, like i said, it takes a lot for me to not forgive a person. there's only one person in my life who i haven't forgiven, honestly, and that's my dad. it wasnt so much what he did to me, but rather what he didnt do (cliche, i know, but it fits). he just quit talking to me. he wasn't ever much of a father anyways, so i dont know why i care, but i sort of do, in a way. not that he'd ever make an effort to be a part of my life, but if he did i would not give him another chance. he copped out when i needed a dad, and now that i'm grown, he's just an occasional thorn in my side. i don't love him, and i don't hate him...i just don't have the energy to care about him anymore.
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tyydyy
You know.....When we talk about forgiveness we have to first talk about blame and judgement. Then we try to determine the gravity of the injury. Personally I think this is and exercise in futility and frustration.
Try to think of the pain some one has caused in the same way you would think of the pain of stubbing your toe on the coffee table. Who is to blame? The person who designed the coffee table? The person who moved the coffee table? The person who planted the tree the the coffee table was made from? The person who didn't replace the bulb in the nightlight? Or of course it could be the fault of the person attached to the toe. It really doesn't matter at all to your future happiness who was to blame or to forgive that person or thing. What matters is that you avoid that pain in the future. Remember the pain you felt in that moment so that it doesn't happen again. Remove the coffee table if you have to. Avoid that pain in the future.
Forgiving and forgetting is just an expression. No one actually expects you to forget anything. What you have to decide is whether you want to continue in a relationship with the person who hurt you or whether you will avoid the pain by avoiding them. If the person who caused you pain is able to convince you that it won't happen again then that might help make that decision. Ultimately, though, your own happiness is your own responsibility. If you choose to be unhappy (angry, sad, frustrated etc) then you really have only yourself to blame. We have to realize that there are people who will hurt us just as we can be fairly certain that we will stub our toe again at some point in the future. Just do your best to heal as quickly as possible and move on to where you were going in the first place.
TimB
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StinkyPantz
Tink-
Some people think that anyone deserves forgiveness. I disagree. The cousin that abused me. . well, I would never forgive him, no matter how "sincerely" he apologized.
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iiz2cool
I can usually forgive almost anything once. If the person makes a habit of doing something, then it becomes harder. It shows a lack of consideration and respect. I can't let someone get away with doing something to me repeatedly and just keep forgiving. Then it becomes a matter of my own self respect, which I won't give up for anyone.
Walter
Ontario District Overbeer