A womans tears

by Maverick 131 Replies latest social relationships

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  frenchbabyface

  When I see a man cry (on a fairly rare occasion that is) I think he is strong for being able to get in touch with the emotion and express it.

  Sirona

  I agree with that too ... it is not a weakness it is a need, and it's strong to let go in front of people you don't know how they will react, or if they will understand ... so what ? (it talks a lot) ... of course some people (men or women need more privacy, just because they are like that ... and that for them it stays a private thing).

  Angh : I prefer that men show emotion and talk about things, rather than bottling things up and going silent

  Yeah silence doesn't help !
• 

  shotgun

  It pretty much makes me shut down completely when a woman cries...

  My wife does it when-ever we start to discuss where we are headed and even though she says she tries not to it pretty much ends the conversation.

  When my mother cried it nearly killed me, cuz she never cries over anything... yet I made her cry by rejecting da troof.
• 

  reboot

  I prefer that men show emotion and talk about things, rather than bottling things up and going silent, which causes confusion and concern if we dont know what is wrong and want to help

  Me too, Ang,Everytime.

  If someone bottles things up and goes silent you have a communication problem that can lead to a total breakdown of a relationship.I want to be someone to whom a partner can confide.and lean on too.It has to work both ways.

  You feel impotent when you're not confided in, you can't understand the problem so you can't help and are alienated.Then feelings of distance start to come between you.

  My son tries to bottle things up sometimes..i'll tell him I know something's wrong and what ever it is I wont be cross..that telling me may make it feel better and wait for him to come to me-he always does -then he bounces off and never lets problems fester.

  Women have far less mental health problems than men apparently-I wonder whether that's because of the way we deal with problems..having the release of tears and close friends to talk to must help.

  I know men who have huge problems but would rather go to the pub and not talk about them and then wonder why theyre still festering.I have many male friemds who are pretty close..and tey tend to be very female in the way they deal with emotion and cry and talk as we do.....and they fare rather well emotionaly.
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  LittleToe

  Mav:
  I think your "instinctive" reaction is the right one.

  The brain goes into meltdown, no answers are forthcoming, the mouth shuts, and we reach out to hug.
  If only us guys would listen to our instincts more our relationships might improve drastically

  Regarding us guys being upset, we like solutions and sometimes we need space to work things out.
  If we get to the stage of crying we are probably at our wits end.
  We dont like people seeing that, even those closest to us, so the last thing we need is staring at.
  Just keep us away from ropes, guns, cliffs and car exhaust pipes.

  Of course, occasionally we can be idiosyncratic, too, and need a good hug.
  We've been trained to avoid this, however, so it doesn't come easy.

  (((((group hug)))))
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  desib77

  I was at my mother-in-laws house and she was pretty upset about something. She started to cry. She has three sons and all three of them just froze. I couldn't believe it. It was as if they just had no clue as to what to do. I pinched my husband's back and pushed him over to hug her. It made her feel better just to have a hug. Sometimes I think that is the best thing to do when a woman cries.
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  notperfectyet

  This is a hard one for me to reply too,

  and Maverick, I think I have been ticketed by your brother.

  When my kids were babies I could never let them cry. They were not manipulitive at such a young age. What they wanted was comfort and assurance that someone was there for them. I would always pick them up and hold or rock them or feed them.

  When they got older, and learned the pre-school of manipulation, they would cry for things they wanted, but I knew were not good for them, candy for breakfast, candy for lunch, no naps when they were being psychotic, and candy for dinner. The crying did not affect me, upset me yes, but not change my parenting knowledge, even though there were times I would of gave them a chocolate cake for breakfast to shut them up. < that was for Cosby fans >

  So crying as an adult I view as being once again appropriate for the situation, is someone crying over the death of a family member or friend? Getting fired? A divorce? A miscarriage? A birth? etc?

  Or are they crying because they want a new Mercedez Benz? and they can't have one?

  Crying on both genders is cool..as long as it is for the appropriate reasons.
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  LittleToe

  I should perhaps be a little clearer about something.

  I'm fairly open with my feelings, as most folks who know me will attest to.
  On rare occasions, though, I can be a big vague if I haven't come to a conclusion on a matter.

  However, if I say I need space, that is not an ambigious comment. It means what it says, with no interpretation required...
  "Leave me alone, a minute" doesn't mean I need a hug, a cup of tea, or a discerning question or ten.
  It means that I need complete solitude to compose myself.

  I should also add that it has physiological manifestations. If I'm upset, to the degree that we're discussing here, my skin gets hyper-sensitive.
  For someone to hug me, in that circumstance, literally makes my skin crawl!!!

  In all normal situations, though, I love hugs. Bring 'em on
• 

  Cicatrix

  Wow, good topic for me, Mav. I've really just started to realize the impact the WTS had on my life, and I've been spontaneously crying alot lately.
  
  I think as far as a woman's motive goes, it really depends on the individual and the culture they live in.I know a few women who've used crying as a tool to get what they want (and some men too, actually), but I don't know too many who do this.
  
  I've never used crying as a manipulative tool myself. I feel very uncomfortable when I spontaneously start crying in front of others. When it happens, all I want in the world is to find a quiet place to go be alone and compose myself.
  
  I have spent all my life being force fed the message that women are "the weaker vessel" and somehow unable to rationally handle crisis that arise in their lives, and this attitude really frustrates me (especially since I've seen women in my life handle many horrible situations very well).Because of this prevalent myth, if a woman shows any sort of "feminine" emotion in a tense situation, she is immediately thought to be trying to manipulate the situation ('cause we all know that ever since Eve, women have been manipulating men, lol).
  
  For me and most other women, crying is simply a catharsis, a way to express deeply felt emotions that we cannot verbally express.
  
  As far as the subject of men and crying, I don't think the notion that men should "have a stiff upper lip" is all that healthy, personally. A feeling expressed through crying is cathartic. A feeling that is bottled up inside can cause all kinds of problems, including physical illness (been down that path myself). It would be nice if people could do whatever it is they need to do to deal with their feelings, without being labelled.
  
  I'm fortunate to have joined a community of folks who don't have the old school view of the display of emotion being somehow innapropriate. I've seen women and men crying over loved ones who've died, I was very touched to watch a man cry after he sang a song he wrote for his new son, and I've been supported myself with hugs, kind words, (and lots of tissues,lol) when the pain I held down so long from my JW years has unexpectedly welled up and escaped through my tear ducts.I still have the urge to run for cover when this happens (and usually do), but now I know that I'm not being judged as somehow being weak or incapable when it happens, just healing.
  
  I wish the whole world could have that kind of support.
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  confusedjw

  Well if you women were so damn smart and as insightful as you claim then you would already know that we, as propane installing men, are going to try to fix it. Or run from it.

  You pick.

  That's it, that's the list.

  And as to men crying whenever something happens to my son, like a broken bone, I ask "Did you cry" and he always says no, cause he doesn't and I'm trying to send the not too subtle message that it's not good.

  So if you marry my son and he ends up crying, it's big. Take it seriously. It's not a parking ticket, it's like the Red Sox losing the World Series
• 

  Sassy

  Amazing how many men just don't get that....just hold me and let me cry for a few minutes. Don't be mad at me....don't try to solve my problem...just hold me close and let me have a nice shoulder to cry on and strong arms around me.....then try to talk it over with me.

  what Xena said EXACTLY.. I know I just want to be held. I know sometimes he can't fix it.. he can't change my reason for tears.. but I want to be comforted..

  when a guy walks out the door because he doesn't know what to do......it makes it triple hurtful