A womans tears (page 6)

qwerty

Maverick

Funny you should say this............

I don't know if women do use crying as an act or a ploy

Just last night at work (I work on an internet Tech support line and it's 50p a minute charge for anyone who calls).

One women called, she had a very dainty voice (pathetic even, sorry) she was moaning how she had already called and the problem was not fixed. At one point early on in the call she started to cry and say it was costing her a fortune in calls costs. It would make me cry too at that price!

I've experienced this before and wondered if the caller was genuine or just trying to make me feel sorry for them. On this occasion I almost started to sweet talk her, but I decided to continue with the same tone of voice. I found that because I didn't fall for the tears, almost as soon as she realized I was not falling for it, she changed completely and started to be quite the opposite, laughing even at times.

I guess in my experience taking calls over the phone women can try to put an act on.

Qwerty

Maverick

Little Toe, woman speak womanees. They are consistent and say what they mean, we just have to translate it because a man's mind is too simple to comprehend most womens complex language skills.

Qwerty, good example of the drama queen tactics. My daughter is a drama queen! Drives me nuts! I still love though. My girlfriend is the opposite, if she has tears things are very bad, and I am in deep, deep, do do! Mav

Scully

Maybe it's the way I was raised, but it was NEVER appropriate for me to show anger. Raising my voice or cussing was not "ladylike". Arguing was inappropriate. The only acceptable release was to give way to tears, and yet that was never as complete a release as expressing the real emotion underlying the tears.

Over the last 10 years, I've gotten a lot better at not crying over every little thing, and instead expressing the actual emotion that I'm feeling. Mostly, it's when I'm in a situation where I'm very angry but not in a place or around people where anger can be expressed appropriately, when I'm apt to cry. It isn't an attempt at manipulation, because I really don't WANT to be crying at that point, I want to be telling someone that they've been a total jerk and have pissed me off in front of kids, etc. but I feel that "right now" saying what I want to say is not safe or in anyone's best interests. But the anger is still there and it needs an outlet. That's when I'll get real quiet and look the other way and the tears stream down my face. No blubbering. Just an occasional sniffle (damn, I hate how crying makes my nose run too) into a Kleenex. And I withdraw. Like Pink Floyd's song... it's just another brick on the wall.

I will say this: Someone who deliberately makes me cry by saying or doing hurtful things does not get forgiven. As a JW, it was almost obligatory to "forgive 77 times" when someone was being a total asshole to you, and yet you KNEW that if you forgave them, they'd go right back to being a total asshole as soon as they had the chance to screw you over again. So my policy now is no tolerance. One strike and it's OVER. Goodbye and God Bless, as my grandfather used to say.

Love, Scully

Robdar

If we are arguing and I start to cry, I am not doing it on purpose and am quite embarrassed and would want a man to ignore my tears--I mean ignore them--do not bring attention to them or tell me I'm a wuss.

If a man cries (because of emotions of something other than somebody dying), I am horrified and must admit I can't get away fast enough. But I will not berate him or put him down for crying. However, I will probably break up with him. After all, there is room for only one girl in the relationship--me

Robyn

LittleToe

Robyn:

If a man cries (because of emotions of something other than somebody dying), I am horrified and must admit I can't get away fast enough. But I will not berate him or put him down for crying. However, I will probably break up with him. After all, there is room for only one girl in the relationship--me

That comment probably put male evolution back about a couple of decades...

The bit I've bolded seems a little contradictory, in the context of what you've written.
It seems to me that you are communicating exactly that, with your feet.

Robdar

Well, Ross, I guess that you would had to have met my last boyfriend. The man cried and carried on. It was embarrassing--totally. Now, I put up with it a few times but after awhile it came to seem like emotional manipulation to me. I really don't like to be manipulated. So, with feeling like I was being manipulated and all the crying and tantrums, I felt that I had to leave. If you would have stuck it out, more power to you.

Robyn

Edited to add:

That comment probably put male evolution back about a couple of decades...

Sorry, but I like logic and besides, it has been my experience that you can't trust an overly emotional man (or woman) . If that is male evolution, it time for us to reconsider the consequences of what society says it wants.

LittleToe

Men have been putting up with varing degrees of it for as long as........
But I digress.

I don't think we're talking about manipulation here, as much as a healthy expression of emotion.
When it comes to the male of the species is there no difference bwtween the two?
How are we to adjudge what is "overly emotional"?

I think there have been some radical experiments (especially since the nineties), with roles and acceptable behaviours, for both gender.

Women seem to be feeling more able to express themselves without being demeaned.
Men likewise, it would seem, as a pile of macho bullsh*t is getting stripped away.
We now have house-husbands becoming a more acceptable choice of occupation.

At least that viewpoint also seems to be being attested to on this thread.

Robdar

Well, maybe I'm just a neanderthal but I don't buy the new age stuff. I like for my men to be logical. It's not that they can't show emotion--emotions can be tasty and add depth to the relationship. It's when they cry like a little girl over the relationship that freaks me out. I have no problem with anybody showing emotion. It's when they cry in order to get you to do what they want you to do that gets on my nerves. So, maybe we are talking overly sensitive as opposed to sensitive?

Be honest, do you really enjoy being around overly sensitive females?

LittleToe

Robyn:

Be honest, do you really enjoy being around overly sensitive females?

There's any other kind?

I've not met a woman yet who doesn't occasionally veer towards the occasional overly-emotional outburst. That's obviously talking from the perspective of a male chauvenist pig, right?

I'm talking about men expressing their emotions in conversation, and perhaps rarely being driven to tears. I'm not talking about people (men or women) who use them as a weapon for manipulation.
That's surely a different category entirely?

jwbot

Robdar, are you equating over-sensitive females to just regualarly-sensitive males? I mean, because you mention that you would leave a male that cried but then you equate that to being overly-sensitive. That is HARDLY overly-sensitive.

If its used as manupulation sure, thats a bad thing for either men or women.

I would hate to be in a relationship where I was afraid to show emotion because my girlfriend/boyfriend would leave me. It would suck to walk on eggshells like that...it would probably make me an emotional wreck (not to be confused with having normal emotions).

A womans tears

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