Excellent advice, Moshe!
My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!
by Check_Your_Premises 111 Replies latest jw experiences
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jgnat
144001, you know from my long association with this board that I don't mince words about the society. I have stared evil down more than once in my life. I never back down from a righteous fight. I do believe in strategic withdrawals, however, when my goal is to win the war. My style may be quiet, but believe me, very effective.
I'm surprised that you took exception to my encouragement that he "kick the Watchtower's f'ing ass."
I hope some day soon that I can share the story how I got my own back, society be damned. I took exception to your remark only because of how it might be received by a worried husband. Quietly, mildly, slyly, pull the wifey away from the cliff's edge.
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BluesBrother
Hello CYP, i have read this thread with interest. I have been married 30 years, my wife is diehard dub and I am inactive and a secret apostate.
Please read carefully that Watchtower quote of 11.01.88 . In order to be a "Spiritual Endangerment" , we always viewed it as referring to one who made it "Genuinly impossible to pursue true worship" , ie locked the door on meeting nights and phisically stopped her going out in service. You are not a baptised witness, so you are not apostate. You are an unbelieling husband . A great many of those later come into dubdom having been won over by the wife's "Quiet and mild spirit" . You are seen as a potential "sheep" not an apostate like the rest of us
I really believe that outright opposition is simply playing into their hands and re inforcing the stereotype, and giving her a fight to stand up to . Righteous persecution is a wonderful source of motivation.
Unless you have other reasons please discard this talk of legal action. If a crisis arose in the family she is obliged to follow your lead as family head and the elders could do nothing about that.
Play it gently, if she is determined you cannot stop her baptism. It won't change things at home
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Check_Your_Premises
Saturday Updates.
Well the elders came by today. I executed my plan. It didn't go entirely as expected, but no plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
It was my wife, two elders and me. THis is what I said.
First I went into great detail how I seriously I am taking my study. I also made a very truly heartfelt and personal explanation as to how important it is for me to serve God truly.
So I asked them how they will view me if I choose that this religion isn't right. I asked them personally if they think there is any legitimate way for me to conclude the religion is incorrect.
They were pretty dumbfounded by that.
Next I explained how I see the org as a threat to my family. They assured me very strongly that I was the head of my family and they were not going to interfere.
Then I explained that my wife doesn't seem to care how I feel anymore, regarding the org. We have always been very good at finding compromises, but now I feel that her need to keep unity with them means my compromises with her will have to include the.
So that is why I am talking to them. The bottom line is if I don't beleive in the org, I don't want her to join. I know that is not completely realistic. "SO what is the compromise?!"
Well they told me that was between she and I.
I didn't expect this, but it gave me something. I figure if I can get her to delay, they will lean on her, but I will be sure to thank them for respecting our decision. If they do lean on her I will say "I thought you guys weren't going to interfere in my family, this really is making me more concerned about my wife joining, as well as myself. It sure is hard to feel good about this org with all the pressure I am getting!"
Now I have to get my wife to postpone. In return I will agree to go to all the meetings.
Thoughts, comments?
Thank you all so much for all your advice. There are so many invaluable ideas I simply would not have come up with on my own. God bless you all!
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Jez
Smashing news. Way to stand up to them. Loved it. Best of luck on getting your wife to slowly see the "truth". Maybe start feeding her with real life stories about df'ed ones. Many on freeminds.org and the one that stuns me is the lady from bethel that got df'ed for exposing the pedophile issue. Others here can help you out on where to find that story. Anyways, best to you.
Love Jez
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AuntieJane
I don't know your background, but can you get her to compromise and go to a few different church services, to get some comparison? It seems like she is setting need for a spiritual foundation, but since she did choose to marry you, she should respect your input and be willing to look at other options that you choose.
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outoftheorg
WELL CYP YOU HAVE A PLETHORA is that how you spell that? OF INFORMATION AND TACTICS.
I PREFER THE MODERATE QUIET SLY APPROACH TO THIS SITUATION. I WOULD SPEAK TO YOUR DAD, THE LAWYER BUT NOT PUT ANYTHING INTO ACTION AT THIS POINT.
ENGAGE YOUR SELF AND HER AND ESPECIALLY THE CHILDREN IN AS MANY ACTIVITIES IN THE SCHOOLS AND ELSEWHERE AS IS POSSIBLE.
SINCE THE JW'S DEMAND SO MUCH OF A PERSONS TIME, THIS MAY CAUSE SOME CONFLICT IN HER MIND AS TO TAKING AWAY YOUR FAMILIES TIME TOGETHER. ALSO TRY TO HAVE AS MANY GET TOGETHERS WITH YOUR FAMILY AND HERS. FOR THE SAME PURPOSE.
WEEK END TRIPS AND VACATIONS ALONG WITH TREATING HER WITH RESPECT AND LOVE. WHICH IS SOMETHING THE JW'S WILL STOP DOING IF THEY SEE HER MISSING MEETINGS AND INACTIVE IN DOOR TO DOOR WORK.
POINT OUT HOW YOU AND THE KIDS NEED MORE TIME FOR FAMILY, NOT HOW THE JW'S ARE TO BLAME.
TO CHALLENGE THEM MAY BE VIEWED AS CHALLENGING HER. LET THE DOUBTS FORM IN HER MIND.
TAKE ALL THE SUGGESTIONS HERE ON THIS THREAD AND PICK WHAT YOU WANT.
START SLOWLY AND COME BACK HERE TIME TO TIME AND TELL US HOW IT IS GOING AND WHAT IS WORKING.
I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL GET LOTS OF SUGGESTIONS AND HELP TO READJUST IF NEEDED.
BEST WISHES TO YOU IN YOUR STRUGGLE.
Outoftheorg
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AuntieJane
Definitely agree with the idea of planning so much family time; making it fun and special, fill in those hours and keep her busy and show her love....almost sounds like love-bombing technique, hmmmm...It is definitely a positive approach and worth the effort!
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Check_Your_Premises
Last update of the weekend.
I haven't talked to her about postponing the baptism, but I will tomorrow evening. I have a funny feeling she will put it off for 6 months. I don't know why, I just do.
I also got a copy of the "Finished Mystery" on ebay. That should really be a scream. My plan is to say, "ok, if Jesus chose this org, and He did it when He got here in 1914, then He had to choose the org based on what they were teaching then. And here it is!"
This will all be framed as legitimate questions that I have before I could join. That is true of course.
I also have decided to knock off all the sneaking around. I am no good at it and my wife is on to me. I am really going to be more open about things now, when I feel I can of course.
The bottom line is I have doubts and questions that need to be answered before I can join. That is true of course. Like I said, if someone makes some wine, or walks on water, I am all ears. What she doesn't appreciate is the extent to which I am convinced this is a cult, and thus I must to act accordingly.
Take care all. I will let you know how the baptism question goes. I guess at that point it will be time to start a new thread.
Here is to hoping it is titled, "she postponed it, now what?!?!"
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Crumpet
I've read through it and there was nothing that didnt strike me as completely in line organisational rules and structure. But if you do use it to keep you forearmed for whatever tactics the elders may use with you and your wife and there is anything you want to check then Little Toe was an elder and will have his own original copy. So he for one should be able to confirm or deny whether the copy on this site is accurate if you tell him which parts you are particularly looking at.