My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!

by Check_Your_Premises 111 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jgnat

  Oh, I am worried about some of the advice here. I would not hit her double-barrelled with the UN fiasco or anything like that. Full-frontal attack on a JW usually results in a Cognitive Dissonance breakdown, and suddenly you become the devil. If you want to gently, gently guide your wife out, here is what I advise:

  1. Get Steven Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0892813113/104-6371983-4274349
  2. Speak in a mild-mannered tone at all times when talking to your wife or the elders. They are programmed to respond to "mildness". Also, any anger or vicious speak is immediatly labelled as satanic. You don't want to grow horns.
  3. Find out what your rights are as head of the household. Mildly ask to exercise them.
  4. Don't directly oppose your wife's desire to get baptized, but do what you can delay it. For instance, you may ask to be there for her her baptism, but before doing so, you would like to interview an elder on what commitments is required of a JW. You could probably drag out three or four meetings at least. JW's expect you to be resistant to the amount of time away that the WTS requires. The Secret to Family Happiness book advises the Witness partner to be patient and accommodating. Find out what kind of accommodations your wife is permitted to make to be available for your needs.

  Is there any hope?

  It all depends on your wife. How deep is she? Is the watchtower society meeting a deep need she is not getting filled elsewhere? Are there alternative societies or groups that would meet those needs better, if she had enough exposure to them?

  How many years am I going to lose here?

  Let's see. I am going on four years. This is not an instant process, if I do manage to be successful. You can PM me for more tips if you like. I don't like to publicize all my "tricks". For the long term, find a way to be open and honest with your wife about your feelings, without directly threatening her faith. Like all successful relationships, there has to be honesty. My hubby knows, for instance, that I frequent this board. The balance, I think, is not to freak out on your partner, but also demand respect. Mildness, mildness.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Don't get me wrong. I like how effective the whole, "tip off the elders" bit. But wouldn't everyone be very suspicous of this. I would have to make it a believable offense, and provide someone other than myself a motive for doing it.

  I wish I had some real dirt, but she is squeaky clean.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I just told her that I am worried about how this will effect the family. I told her she doesn't ever seem to know the realities of the org, like the whole df of children thing. So a couple of elders are coming by to talk to me about it. Apparantly they are going to assure me that nothing is going to change. I don't know.

  Any advice here? What do you think the chances of them agreeing that she should wait until I am more sure about the org. I am not an outright opposer you see. I am open to the idea, I just have to study more. WHich means if I see a burning bush or if the stones cry out I might buy it. So since they don't want to piss me off and lose me as a prospect, what if I asked for her to wait.

  If I agree she gets dunked next time. If I don't she still gets dunked next time. It will just give me more time, and let me be more sure about things.

  So I say something like, "Right now I feel like I am losing control of my family, and that is causing me to feel negatively about the org."
• 

  Balsam

  Check you premises,

  I hate the idea that religion I devoted 30 years of my life and the resulting death of my 15 year old son 4 years ago because his Dad refused blood transfusion for him, ruining another family. You must understand if you wife gets baptized she will be obligated to refuse blood for you and your children if you ever need it.

  See my story at AJWRB.ORG click on the picture of the young boy on the far left. He is my son Dak McGill, and being a Jehovah's witness lead in part to his death so young. It is imperative to get legal help if she is getting baptized to protect yourself and children in a medical emergency. You must not leave this in her hands.

  Read everything and make sure your wife reads the information at www.ajwarb.org. Being a JW means dying if she ever needs blood and it is life threatening with out it.

  My heart goes out to you and your family you wife is being brain-washed and decieved. I know for me now if I was faced with what you are it would be enough to divorce my mate and take the children from them. It is that bad.

  Balsam at [email protected]
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  Balsam

  Sorry wrong internet address:

  www.ajwrb.org Associated Jehovah's Witnesses for Reform on Blood
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  Elsewhere

  Apparantly they are going to assure me that nothing is going to change.

  I'd be willing to be good money that they won't put that in writing.

  *** Record the entire coversation so you have proof of their lies at a later date ***
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  Check_Your_Premises

  She assured me that if the kids needed a transfusion, and I wasn't there, she would approve it as long is that is what I wanted.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I'd be willing to be good money that they won't put that in writing.

  I thought of that.
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  Balsam

  You have got to understand you wife's loyality will be for the Watchtower Society first and foremost. She may have good intentions in saying that to you that she would give them blood. But the hospital liaison committee will be there to put pressure on her to refuse blood no matter what she tells you. Her everlasting life is on the line if she does to her way of thinking and that of the rest of the JW's. Have it legally documented or she will be forced to do as the congregation tells her to do. I know how this works trust me when I say she will be pressured.

  When my son Dak was taken to a hospital 70 miles away the Elders showed up in force to see that Dak was not given blood. The law in NC though permitted the Doctors to overrule us as parents and they did give him blood but it was too late. His heart had been so weakened from the long period of internal bleeding and no blood to pump he died.

  I am sure she has good intentions, but she is new and don't understand the pressures that will be put on her to conform to the WTS rules.

  Good luck, I think she and you are both ill prepared for the involvement with this organization.

  Balsam
• 

  mkr32208

  I like how effective the whole, "tip off the elders" bit. But wouldn't everyone be very suspicous of this. I would have to make it a believable offense, and provide someone other than myself a motive for doing it.

  Someone did this to me to "get back at me" I knew who had done it and why they had done it so did the elders didn't matter they said "it's just a outward sign so we can wait!"

  Maybe if you told the elders coming to visit that you would like your wife to wait since it's just the outward sign anyway they would ask her too I don't know... If you do ask though they will be doubly suspicious of any calls they get!

  It doesn't matter if she's clean, in fact thats even better! To most elders everyone is guilty of something so if you told them "she seems cold and preoccupied lately, like she has more than just church on her mind" Then have someone make the "she's sleeping with my husband" call! They will go completly midevil on her ass!!! It might just wake her up!