How many of you are childfree by choice?

rebel8

By that, I mean you do not want to have children.

I have been told since birth it would not be safe for me to have children, so I never even considered it. I never went through a grieving period because the concept of having babies was not something I once had and lost. I always envisioned myself as a happy career woman.

I recently married and am still sure I don't want children. We have a pretty happy life together and I can't imagine doing all the work of having a 24-hour 18-year responsibility like that. I do not feel like I'm missing out on anything.

Then there are the people that think it is natural to have kids, that I'll change my mind, I'll regret it, there is something wrong w/me for not wanting kids, I'll be lonely when I'm old, etc. I know they're wrong and being rude for saying these things to me. I know others who say they regret having kids too, so maybe I should bring that up the next time someone fails to MYOB.

How many of you out there feel the way I do?

Odrade

*raises hand* I'm childless by choice. BUT, I do now know what they mean about the biological clock. Sometimes I will be going about my business and this little voice will pop up...well, actually it's a BIG voice:

YOU BETTER HURRY UP AND HAVE A KID BEFORE YOU'RE TOO OLD!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

then I come to my senses. I love kids, but have made some decisions that I don't need to have them to be happy and complete. Would I like to be a mom? Maybe. Do I need to test that idea by having a baby? Nah. Works for me.

tetrapod.sapien

i'm with you rebel,

I do not feel like I'm missing out on anything.

neither do my wife and i. plus, the world is over populated compared with how we handle resources. there are tonnes of wonderful little humans that deserve to be adopted, before my wife and i would have kids of our own. i mean, whats the big deal with passing our own genes on? homo sapiens are homo sapiens, there's nothing magical about it. sometimes i wonder if people who consciously have kids, are fufilling some sort of emotional/psychological need. it's true, it's natural. is it efficient? not always. it seems like the world is a kind of puppy-mill lately. boy, i must sound like a heartless bastard. then again, there is also an approaching problem in western europe, from what i understand, with not enough people of our generation having kids. but the world continues to turn. it always have. gene pools evolve.

of course, this is just my opinion, i could be wrong.

rebel8

LOL!

See, I don't have that biological clock telling me anything. Never have.

My ILs used to tell me to have a baby each and every time they talked to me, even before we were married. They knew I have a genetic condition that would make it really unsafe, but they didn't care. I guess they'd rather have the possibillty of a grandchild with a dead mother than to have no baby at all.

Then a few months after we married, I had a procedure (unrelated to aforementioned disorder) which makes it fairly unlikely I could conceive if I wanted to and they got 2 new grandkids at the same time (by their other kids, not my DH). The baby talk completely stopped. Such a relief.

I get so sick of people not minding their own business.

Tetra, I agree on the overpopulation thing. There are plenty of people having babies, why do I have to make one? My physicians tell me I am making the most mature, sane choice because I intentionally choose not to pass on bad genes. Dr. Laura supposedly said it's selfish to not have babies. I think sometimes it's the opposite--people have babies because they're selfish.

Bumble Bee

Hi Rebel,

I made the choice not to have children way back in my teens. It was something I discussed with my hubby before we got serious about marriage (he was from an Italian family) about my feelings.

I am the middle child in a family of six, and had alot of responsibility with my younger bro and sis. I felt that I had raised two children. I went through everything with them except give birth to them. They consider me more of a second mother than a sister sometimes, and we have a very special bond.

My hubby felt the same way thankfully - there could have been some resentment there if his feelings were stronger. There are times I sometimes we both have second thoughts, but when it comes down to it after much discussion we still feel the same way regarding our decision.

As far as being alone when you are old, there are no guarantees with children. Just talk to nursing home staff about the elderly in there having no contact with their children.

I have wonderful nephews and nieces, and we've worked hard on making sure we are a big part of their lives. We are the fun aunt and uncle that do things with them that their partents can't or won't (lol). We can pump them full of sugar then give them back to their parents! I have no worries about being alone when I get old. (BTW - this system shouldn't last that long :wink:)

Most people have been pretty accepting of our decisions. My mother in law has finally stopped asking when we are going to have children (we've been married 14 years).

It's a personal decision, and you shouldn't have to expain your decision to anyone. When people ask if we have children I just say "no we don't", and most people don't press for a reason.

BB

Scully

A child changes your life in ways that a childless person cannot imagine. In some cases, the changes are good, and there are other times they make you realize why some species eat their young. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had I stuck with my resolve to not have any. Not that I don't love my kids, because I do.

I wouldn't dream of judging anyone for their choice to remain childless. And I certainly wouldn't try to "sell" anyone on the issue of why having kids is "better". It all boils down to personal perception. There are days when I wonder "What the hell did we get ourselves into??", but even at the most stressful times, once the dust has settled, I'd still be willing to lose my right arm for them.

You've got a great idea in preparing some snappy comebacks for people who make hurtful comments about your choice. Many people use a psychological technique called "levelling" - saying something that cuts another person down to size - when they are feeling insecure or jealous about their own situation, or when they want to feel better about the opposite position to yours that they are in.

It could be that they do have regrets about losing their freedom, the financial strain of raising a family, and are saying those hurtful things to you out of envy, or to try to make you second guess your resolve so that you'll "join the dark side" that they find themselves in. Seriously though, I don't see people making the decision to have children by saying "Let's spend $250,000 of our hard earned money over the next 20 years to meet the needs of a totally selfish individual who shares our genetic material." When you put it in those terms, it's not a very romantic decision, is it?

Odrade

Ha! Scully made a funny! It's true though, the financial decisions are definitely part of it... smallish part, but still...

Rebel, I also scoffed at biological clock, claiming I didn't have one. Then about 4 months ago (shortly after I turned 34,) my schizophrenic clock friend started yelling at me at random times. In the car, at night while I was trying to sleep, while drinking my morning coffee. Clock friend is oddly silent when we are at Target and there's a sweating mom dragging her screaming two year old out of a cart though. Go figure.

whyamihere

I think there is no right or wrong when it comes to having children.

Those who don't want children have opportunities that people with children don't have. I wish I had the freedom that they do.

I am one who chose to have kids. Kids completely change your life. I can't say it for everyone but in my case they changed it for the better. I know what life is all about since I have had them. It is precious. I have had my hard ships with them. 60 hour labor haven't slept in 3 years....lol.

I am glad I did. I thank god everyday that I have my two kids. You don't know what kids are like until you have them. You can say you baby sit them and you are a great aunt or uncle. Still you have no idea. Having a life grow inside you and bring it into this world and having that love that bond is not the same. I was told you don't know what love is like until you have a child. In my case I know what love is like after having Lily and Jack. It is a deeper love than you have with anyone else.

I applaud you for making a choice in this world to live the way you want...I applaud myself for doing the same.

Brooke

blondie

Sometimes you don't have a choice; mother nature made it for you.

tetrapod.sapien

Scully,

you crack me up! LOL!

How many of you are childfree by choice?

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