I've avoided this thread all day because this topic is a real sore spot with me. My self esteem was very damaged by my ex over crap like this....and what kills me is that I allowed it to happen.
When I was heavy (after having kids), my weight was the major issue with him. When I got my weight down, I wasn't in good enough physical condition. When I started running and exercising more, the problem was that I didn't have a job (we lived at Ft. Benning, I had two kids under 5, and the local community was not keen on hiring military wives, most of whom were only there temporarily). When we moved to Alaska and I did get a part time job...he found something else that I was lacking in. It finally dawned on me that what was truly lacking was love. I was never going to be good enough, or smart enough, or thin enough for that man because he never loved me...he loved what he thought he could turn me into.
Then, as the marriage was ending I go and join a high-control cult...guess I missed the abuse.
I sometimes blame being a JW for not ever getting into another relationship...and the lack of available men was certainly a problem...but I never looked very hard either. Fact is, I'd had enough (at least on a personal level) of feeling like an object, just a thing that someone could mold and manipulate into whatever form they thought they wanted and then throw to the floor in disgust when it still didn't meet their exacting standards.
If I loved somebody, I wouldn't think they committed fraud if they gained some weight. How is that love? How can you say you truly care for that person if how they look matters that much?
I don't think I will ever understand this type of thinking.
