What am I so scared of? (page 4)

katiekitten

Don't be askeered, we will do it together!

Thankyou. Im such a coward. He hasnt critisised me in so many words. Its just like his very existance is so much better than mine.

Like when you meet someone very genteel and terribly respectable, and you sort of feel like a bit 'rough and ready' in their presence. I feel like that with him and his new wife. They are so 'terribly respectable', they never cuss or lose their rag or show emotions.

The only thing I feel like im doing right is this amazing child, with her amazing manners and behaviour and intelligence. Its like my daughter affirms that im not bad all the way through, just parts of me are bad.

But however shoddy I feel by comparison, I could NEVER want their sterile safe middle class existance. Its so drab and cold and tediously boring. I feel sorry for them really aspiring to such dullness.

doofdaddy

I never feel rough and ready in anyones company.

I lived in Hong Kong about 20 yrs ago and used to hang out at the HK yacht club. Millionares(and a few billionares) by the score. Rather than feeling inferior, I felt sorry for these repressed buggers who were forced by daddy and mother to the "best" schools then into daddies business. Many actually admired my free and easy lifestyle.

Mostly good people too.

LittleToe

Doof:

I never feel rough and ready in anyones company.

Likewise. I've hung with the best and the worst of them, of every class distinction. Mmost often people are just people, unless they continually feel they've got something to prove. If I ever feel out of my depth I just remind myself that the average size of the male penis is 6" It brings an enigmatic smile to my face, and then it's "them" feeling out of their depth, wondering why I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat

doofdaddy

Little Toe nothings appeared....Well not on my computer. It's cheap but.....

upside/down

Sorry...

It's still his kid...50/50...and in custody issues each parent ALWAY deemunizes the other in order to get their way...it's how the system works, and it's WRONG.

Short of outright legitimate "abuse"...you have no right to withold his child from him.

My wife tried that crap with me... (There's two sides to every story)

The real problem is that your marriage failed, for whatever reasons, and the child is now the victim of that.

I know...I was one of those kids once myself.

All I can say is do what's the most loving for ALL involved..and realize that the two of you blew it...don't make the child pay for life.

u/d

LittleToe

U/D:Didn't she acknowledge that the divorce was 50/50? Didn't she iterate the current and historic access rights? Did she at any time talk about restricting them, taking him to court, etc., etc., etc.?

Sounds like you're letting your personal baggage get in the way of neutral advice.

Jim_TX

Katie, I have nothing to offer regards the situation with your daughter and ex-hubby... My reason for posting has to do with your 'shaking' when you are in the ex's presence. (If I understood that properly.) I think I can relate to this bit, and would like to share with you my experience, if you do not mind. When I was much younger, I had left home (right after I turned 21). My mother was very domineering, and intimidating. I was not on the best of terms, as I had left home - and was considered a 'black sheep' of the family. Anyway, I would always sweat profusely and shake uncontrollably, if I ever had to have any dealings with my mom, or one of my older sisters (who had taken over the part of 'daddy'). One day, I was at work, and my mom called me to chat. Now... she only called me like this when no one was at home, as she _knew_ that the 'daddy-sister' certainly would not approve... but, that's a topic for another post. Anyway, I was not on break, and she starts in babbling, going on and on - almost as if nothing had happened. And - like always, I started sweating, and shaking - right there at work. I worked in a lab, at a workbench - and I just set the phone down for a bit. After a few minutes, I picked it up, and she was still going on - and on... non-stop. I was still shaking... and finally got my wits about me - and just picked up the phone and hung it up. There. Within a few minutes, it rang again. I got up... still recovering from my shaking... and as I walked out of the lab, told my workmate - "Answer the phone, please - Ken?" - and left. He looked at me in a puzzled tone, but went to answer the phone. I came back in about 5 minutes - after I had walked around enough to calm down, and asked him, "Who was it?" (I knew who it was) He said (in his Texan drawl), "It was your mom. She started yelling at me - asking me why I had hung up on her. I said 'Huh?' - and she said, 'Oh. Sorry.'" Well, needless to say, she never phoned to bother me at work again, and I got over my shaking uncontrollably - just by the simple action of taking charge of the situation. To try to tie this long drawn-out story in with your situation... Is there something that you can do to just 'take charge' of the situation? Regards, Jim TX

katiekitten

you have no right to withold his child from him.

I know my posts have been pretty long, but if you have managed to read them you will see I have never advocated withohlding his child from him. In fact when she was a baby I used to have to fight to get him to have her.

You are right, I would never pull that crap with him. its plain wrong.

I know parents demonise each other, but I really try hard not to. I dont like him obviously, but again if you have read my rather long posts you will see I spend a lot of time telling daughter her daddy loves her lots.

Its in my interests for her to go to him, believe it or not! I have a lively partner, and we love our time together. If daughter liked going to daddy I would never even dream of stopping her, and then I could do some of the adult things I like to do!

The ONLY reason I have said no to one additional day a week is because daughter cries for a night or sometimes two nights before she has to go to him.

Sorry my posts are so long, but they might be worth reading, so you can see im not just using the child to pull a mean stunt on her dad.

upside/down

Sounds like you're letting your personal baggage get in the way of neutral advice.

Perhaps.

The only time I truly get upset with adult and their parenting...is when I see the kids paying the price. Me and my brother went through hell with this same stuff...

But as I read the comments and replies there is soo much that reading between the lines reveals...I'm not a therapist. And I refuse to make a therapist rich off of my fucked up life...perhaps I did a bit of "knee jerking" here...sorry.

All I can reiterate is...

All I can say is do what's the most loving for ALL involved..and realize that the two of you blew it...don't make the child pay for life.

That's all.

u/d

doofdaddy

Yeah nothing like penis size to shut the lads up!!

Actually the best person I met in HK was a Scotsman, Neil Pryde. He was a famous sail maker but never mentioned it to me in our initial conversation. Just talked sailing and women....

What am I so scared of?

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