What am I so scared of?

by katiekitten 69 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bisous

  I too agree that some sort of family counselling should be sought. If you truly believe he isn't purposely being emotionally abusive and truly loves his daughter, then the best thing for all of you would be to address whatever issues so that healthy relationships can be formed amongst all of you.

  In the long run, this would have the optimal benefit for your daughter in terms of forming strong bonds in the future with men, friends or otherwise.

  Likewise, it might help further heal the break and issues between you and your ex. And help you with the communication issues you're facing with him and issues of control.

  Best of luck to you, I know how fierce a mother's love can be.
• 

  ballistic

  I too agree that some sort of family counselling should be sought.

  I'm always pointing out when this coment crops up from time to time that there is a huge cultural difference between the US and the UK when it comes to counselling. In the UK - we just don't do it. I obviously can't speak for katie, but most people over here rely on family and friends for advice, and then you've always got places like this message board to use as a virtual global think tank when it comes to problems.

  ***tries not to think of men in white coats when someone mentions counselling***
• 

  bisous

  Counselling can take many forms, Ballistic.

  I have a few UK friends, and haven't heard that opinion expressed. Hope I didn't cross any boundary ... not referring to psychological analysis, but more working with a mediator of some sort that can help everyone express their feelings and see the other side / point of view. Hopefully towards the goal of reconciling to a better approach for all.

  Sorry KatieK if i insulted you in any way.
• 

  ballistic

  No, no. not insulted. What's a better way for me to explain...

  There are special mediators over here primarily for resolving marriage breakdown and so on.

  There's just not a "culture" of seeing shrinks about everyday life like we see in the Hollywood movies.
• 

  bisous

  I see, hmmmmmmm. Well, you shouldn't believe everything you see in the movies!

  And not all feminists are feminazis, either .. by the way! just sayin ....
• 

  ballistic

  hmmm, maybe my interpretation of words can be slightly polarised, I'll have to mention that to my shrink next time I see him LOL
• 

  katiekitten

  What is the harm in more time with the father? I didn't quite get that or the detriment. If daughter doesn't like it is she disliking it to please mom? Ideally the parents should have an open relationship, allow the child freedom and to love both parents

  I wonder if you have read some of the things I have been explaining.

  Do you understand how much time I already give him? Do you think this is not enough time?

  She is free to express herself at my house, and is encouraged to have a different opinion to mine, but at her dads she is not free to express herself and this is one of the reasons she does not like going there. When she says "i miss mum" he has told her she is not allowed to say that, and he doesnt want to hear it. When she says "I miss dad" at my house I let her phone him up, and have arranged for him to have her for half a day.

  I GIVE HER THE FREEDOM TO LOVE US BOTH, HE DOESNT.

  She is not disliking him to please me. I have spent several years tricking, arguing and cajoling him into spending time with her. It is only recently he has shown such an interest in her. I always argue with her that she will have a great time with him, because she always cries that she doesnt want to go. When she comes back from his house, I often spend time telling her how much he loves her, as she come back crying that he 'hates her' because he is so strict. I never bad mouth him infront of her.

  The harm in more time with her father is that it is making her miserable (not just whining, or thinking she can get her own way, but genuinely miserable), and also if he has her any more he will be having her more than me. How is that fair?

  Ballistic is right, we dont really go to counselling over here like its a normal thing. Its specalist and very expensive. Also its not something I would consider just to 'discuss' things. If there was a problem we needed resolving that we couldnt agree on then maybe it would be worth going to mediation. But hes asked for more time, ive said no, he cant force me to give him more time. Why would I then agree to go to counselling with him? - that would look to him like I wasnt fully sure about the 'no', and could be pressured to make it a 'yes'.
• 

  zagor

  If he treated you the same way like he treats your daughter, i.e. with subtle psychological torture, no wonder you feel scared. Being picky is the hallmark (or better the holemark) of religious psychopaths.

  Have a break, have a katie kitten way.
• 

  ballistic

  LOL - are you ozzies subjected to the same advertising we are?
• 

  zagor

  balistic,
  Haven't heard it in awhile but yes it had its run here too