Posts by Cyn

5

HAve medications helped?

by Cyn in

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i need to know if anyone here feels that antidepressants help........ and what type of therapy helps with the jw issue and ptsd................. also does anyone know about bipolar2.....i read a lot through many years even while in ther org...............but i get so many viewpoints........some ppl tell me to pray....i have alll my life!

many say use herbs..................................but am getting very confused........i have had depressions jw abuse issues...the crashing of my belief system and loss of faith also further abuse from family........loss of career.....harasssment........... .

Cyn

Thank you.......

Sorry, I am at a loss for words lately.

Cyn

8

Barbara Coloroso's new book about Bullying

by Scully in

the bully, the bullied, and the bystander is the title of a new book by well-known writer barbara coloroso.i went to the book launch last evening and thoroughly enjoyed listening to barbara coloroso's presentation.

she's a very animated speaker, despite the heavy subject matter.

the book itself will be a valuable source of information for parents and educators alike.. what i thought was quite fascinating was the way she described bullying and the psychology behind it.

Cyn

Dear Scully,

I was a school teacher.......I was ganged up upon by a clique on my job.........all this while having severe depressions and a breakdown due to the OR abuses............. I thought it was all the devil after me.............I became paranoid.......and thinking GOD left me

I researched the ORG on the net while under a near psychosis and found I was correct....I saw many testimonies similar to mine

I was still very ill but better and I researched abusers on the job and I found a website titled MOBBING And a book of the same title...........................AGAIN it was just as I experienced it ONLY it was at he hands of a few teachers and an adminitrator.......( was politicalli motivated) and there were 2 JWS who were assisant teachers who became pasrt of the torment.

sorry to ramble but I have been through so much and your ' Bullying " post has reminded me.

Cyn

8

Where do I go for help?

by Cyn in

.

i have not told my story.. i am batteling depressions......and an abusive home enviornment.....loss ofcareer.......the jw abuses were the worst they went to the very core.... i went through a mjor breakdown... lost faith in god...i fear people...... .

i have seen therapists...some of whom were not able to hel because i was still in the org minset..but after my own research,,,,,i end up teaching the therapists abt cults and hig control groups....... i am tired fo struggling.........if i see a pastoral counselor they will veer me towards religion....i used to believe in jesus before the org...i pray and see no answers......i have no friends......i have a siter and mother............both of whom help with finances as i loss my heath and career but they are pasrt of a long history if dysfunction....... .

Cyn

I have not told my story.. I am batteling depressions......and an abusive home enviornment.....loss ofcareer.......THE JW abuses were the worst they went to the very core.... I went through a mjor breakdown... lost faith In GOD...I fear people.....

I have seen therapists...some of whom were not able to hel because I was still in the org minset..but after MY OWN research,,,,,I end up teaching the therapists abt cults and hig control groups......

I am tired fo struggling.........if I see a pastoral counselor they will veer me towards religion....I used to believe in JESUS BEFORE the org...I pray and see no answers......I have no friends......I have a siter and mother............both of whom help with finances as I loss my heath and career but they are pasrt of a long history if dysfunction......

5

HAve medications helped?

by Cyn in

.

i need to know if anyone here feels that antidepressants help........ and what type of therapy helps with the jw issue and ptsd................. also does anyone know about bipolar2.....i read a lot through many years even while in ther org...............but i get so many viewpoints........some ppl tell me to pray....i have alll my life!

many say use herbs..................................but am getting very confused........i have had depressions jw abuse issues...the crashing of my belief system and loss of faith also further abuse from family........loss of career.....harasssment........... .

Cyn

Hello,

I need to know if anyone here feels that antidepressants help.......

and what type of therapy helps with the JW issue and PTSD................

Also does anyone know about Bipolar2.....I read a lot through many years even while in ther oRG...............but I get so many viewpoints........some ppl tell me to pray....I HAVe alll my life! many say use herbs..................................but am getting very confused........I have had depressions JW abuse issues...The crashing of my belief system and loss of faith also Further abuse from family........loss of career.....harasssment..........

23

My short time WITH and AS a JW

by pincushion in

my name is 'pincushion', i reside in alberta.

in 1989 i started studying with the jw's.

i was really drawn to the 'truth' and after much trial and tribulation i was baptised in 1991 during a lethbridge assembly.

Cyn

Hello Pincushion....

NY name is Cynthia...we met on the chat......I admire your bravery........You stood up to them!

I stood up in my OWN WAY........I was also isolated......family were not JWS I had a history of depression and was dealing with meanspritedness ...mind games .......slander and shunning "MARKING'' I was not even certain it was "MARKING" my crime was spekaing out about depression and how many people were UNLOVING having me question if GOd had removed his spirit

I was told recently by a JW ( she did ot know I am OUT 3YRS OFFICIALLY) that "they" were jealous I had a good job attractive ( that was PRE BREAKDOWN)......I played by the rules only to the point that I was sincere....never made WORLDY friends.......family was distant and congregation COLD............... remember the scripture that states they should not OVERCORRECT ?????? anyway.........I was depressed suicidal NO meds no docs....... 14 yrs it got worse and worse and I continued to ask the elders WHY??? Went to Bethel even spoke to a former counselor there .. Funny Bethelites were sent to see therapists on occasion.....

Memories are hard........ you sound as If you have PTSD ( Post traumatic stres sydrome) I beleive I have as well.......

But Pincushion...you have a person that loves you and that you love..that is a great gift.........

Cyn..............

28

Okay here goes....My Story. Long but true.

by Lin in

please bear with me through this, this could likely become lengthy.

i feel it's time for me to give you my story as a dub.

i was born and raised in an extremely "hardcore", strict witness home.

Cyn

Dear Lin,

I do not believe that you will see this reply as it is a but late but I hope you will...

I am new here and my story is long and painful....filled with emotional /mental spiritual violations ( I often wondered abt molestation I have a FEELINg but no memory..

I DO want to tell you that you are EXTREMELY strong and you wrote your story so powerfully and so well that it attets to the strength of mind/ heart and spirit that you have.....

I was raised by a patriachial father AND mother ..I did not have the severity but I also cam relare to the " what did YOU do to deserve this" I am over 4o and it is STILL going on with me verbally abusive brothers....

perhaps you can consider that although you were raised ina lie and the entire family was in it..

I walked into it.....BELIEVING t( after much prayer and many yrs of depressions and seeking ) THAT GOD LED ME THERE!!!!!!! so it is I am having trouble trusting myself....not to mention the JWS train ppl to not trust thier own perceptions......... I not think " I walkwed inot this MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE!.....................what else can I be wrong about.......

my perceptions have been pretty keen it was JUST that I did not trust ME .. and even while in the org part of me KNEW but I was so depressed and confused that I ALSO thought rthe devil was making me think things....

I never married I have no REAL support ........How I wish I would find the RIGHT man....or he I.... I waited it never happened....

I thank you for your wonderfully written testimony.....inbetween the lines I see rays of light and hope....

Cynthia

8

why exjws have VEHEMENT disagreements at times

by Cyn in

just a few thoughts..... i noticed that a lady named crystal posted her views.....and many people got upset....i did as well....part of me knows that taking responsibilty for my own life is important... and i have tried but also battle all my life....in fact i called to complain about the mail being late just today...and the supervisor's name is battle...to which i ( with my anaylytical bipolar mind ) reacted.......... i thought ," gee i battled allll my life but is could be taken as battle for youe life"... anyway....my original point was about why ex jws vehemently disagree... i remember when i saw and expereinced abuses in the org..and when i asked "sisters" and " brothers' for validation ( am i right or wrong?????

) some would agree then get frighetend and avoid me remember how we were warned against murmuring and how often so as not to appear unloving many people would use inuendoes or roll their eyes or play any number of mind games......( very loving that).

expressing honestly and openly was , for the most part, not safe so i think that many exjws having been repressed as to free expression are more prone to let it all out... and disagree vehemently......... just a few thoughts.

Cyn

Just a few thoughts..... I noticed that a lady named CRYSTAL posted her views.....and many people got upset....I did as well....part of me knows that taking responsibilty for my own life is important... and I have tried but also BATTLE all my life....In fact I called to complain about the mail being late JUST today...and the supervisor's name is BATTLE...to which I ( with my anaylytical Bipolar mind ) reacted.......... I thought ," gee I battled allll my life but is could be taken as BATTLE for youe life"..

ANyway....my ORIGINAL point was about why ex JWs vehemently disagree... I remember wheN I saw and expereinced abuses in the ORG..and when I asked "sisters" and " brothers' for VALIDATION ( AM I right or wrong????? ) some would agree then get frighetend and avoid me Remember how we were warned against MURMURING and how often so as not to APPEAR UNLOVING many people would use inuendoes or roll their eyes OR play any number of mind games......( very loving that)

expressing Honestly and openly was , for the most part, not safe so I think that many exJWs having been repressed as to FREE expression are more prone to let it all out... and disagree vehemently........

Just a few thoughts

Cyn

4

laying a foundation

by Cyn in

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it is 5:14 am and i have not slept...my pattern of sleep has reveresed ..but i will do my best to lay a foundation for the rest of my story.. it is long so i will cut corners and by the ned ( if i get there) i hope that some people will remember most of it...i am hoping this will help me heal .. to begin with... i had depression as a child ....call it sadness..children do not have the vocabulary or understanding with which to label things.and they more often than not internalize and take blame for what may be considered abuse.....as a child i was rather aware and analytical.. this sadness came from my own genetics and living with an erratic ( bipolar pehaps father) and a depressive mother.....no one knew!

i felt somethung was wrong but as i voiced it in my teens i became the bad one...dad was verbally abusive and mom backed him up due to her own" stuff" mom hispanic abd catholic dad was a non practicing jew..........mom was raised to be super resonsible and to take crap from her husband,,,her own father being an alcoholic,,,,,,,along the way many major family tragedies occured........mom was always praying and " accepting her lot in life"........ i felt a loss and hole in my chest and i asked god begged god to help me to be a father to me.......when we went to the woods i used to talk to the trees and nature and look up at the sky and just know that there was a benevolent 'someone" looking out for me.... as i got older i serached for the right way to find god....i felt that once i found this then all woud be well.......... i read about many "christian" religions read parts of the bible led my life like a nun.... i investgated pentocostal churches that are referred to as legalistic nowadays......( i am over 40).......i looked at the cathoilics even asked questiosn of a priest and he failed he test...........i ahd never been bapstized and i wanted it to be the absolutly right place.........as if i were marrying god............i am depressive posisibly bipolar2.....i have read where some illness manifest in obsssions with religious things .....( god ) ........perhaps it is so .....but so many i knew in various groups seemed to be sure and seemes to not suffer as i .........my mother;s respnse to me sadness was to take me to a spiritualist and i knew at that time this was like a pysch doc to her culture.......... there is more abt my childhood much much more....but i will end this bt saying that the stage was set for me to enter a high control group.... as my father and mother were both patriaachial mom being sooooooooo passive submissve........... just a note: dysfunctional groups ( systems) resemble each other.......... .

Cyn

Hello,

It is 5:14 AM and I have not slept...MY pattern of sleep has reveresed ..BUt I will do my best to lay a foundation for the rest of my story.. IT is long so I will cut corners and by the ned ( if I get there) I hope that SOME people will remember most of it...I am hoping this will help me heal .

TO begin with... I had depression as a child ....call it sadness..Children do not have the Vocabulary or understanding with which to label things.and they more often than not internalize and take blame for what may be considered abuse.....As a child I was rather AWARE and analytical.. This sadness came from my own genetics AND living with an erratic ( bipolar pehaps father) and a depressive mother.....no one knew! I felt somethung was wrong but as I voiced it in my teens I became the BAD one...DAd was verbally abusive and mom backed him up due to her own" STUFF" MOM Hispanic abd Catholic dad was A non practicing Jew..........MOM was raised to be super resonsible and to take CRap from her husband,,,her own father being an alcoholic,,,,,,,along the way many MAJOR family tragedies occured........MOm was always praying and " accepting her lot in life".......

I felt a loss and hole in my chest and I asked GOd BEGGED God to help me to be a father to me.......When we went to the woods I used to talk to the trees and nature and look up at the sky and JUST KNOW that there was a benevolent 'someone" looking out for me...

As I got older I serached for the right way to Find GOD....I felt that once I found THIS then all woud be well.......... I read about many "Christian" religions read parts of the BIBle led my life like a nun...

I investgated pentocostal Churches that are referred to as LEGALISTIC Nowadays......( I am over 40).......I looked at the cathoilics EVEN asked questiosn of a Priest and he failed he test...........I ahd never been bapstized and I wanted it to be the ABSOLUTLY right place.........as if I were marrying GOD............I am depressive POSISIBLY BIpolar2.....I have read where some illness manifest in obsssions with religious things .....( GOD ) ........perhaps it is so .....but so many I Knew in various groups seemed to be SURE and seemes to not suffer as I .........MY mother;s respnse to me sadness was to take me to a spiritualist and I knew at THAT Time this was like a Pysch doc to her culture.........

There is MORE abt my childhood MUCH MUCH MORE....But I will end this bt saying that The stage was set for me to enter a HIGH control group.... as my father AND mother were BOth patriaachial MOm being sooooooooo passive submissve..........

just a note: Dysfunctional groups ( systems) resemble each other.........

23

I am new to this site.... I wish to tell my story.

by Cyn in

my name is cynthia... i have had depression as a child ( undiagnosed ) father was possibly bipolar and mother is depressive both undiagnosed.....my journry into the org along with how the depression became a mental breakdown , which i thought was jehovah removing his spirirt.

my sruggle with the elders......and the many ways and people i sought help from.....well it is all a long story......... included in it.

jws i have known with mental health issues.......breakdowns.......psych docs have had discussed this with........ i would like to relate my story.....i was so ill..nearly catotonic i did not go to a hospital but if i relate how i felt.........it was clear...... how i was afraid of crossing the street because the green light may have been really a red light and i was told so often by the elders that my thinking was wrong...... ie " they were showing love by isolating me ( a depressed person) because i needed to be active and i was not complying..they said they tried ll that they coudl when in reality it was i always i that reached out to them ( thinking they were chosen of god)...... well..i just gave a sampler....my story is very long...i have been tenatious i read so much ( even before becoming a jw ) about depression and dysfunctional families... i was a teacher did not gte my ma ..people here know why i am sure..... well...before i write this story of mine...i would like to ask..if i can do it in intallments........those i relate my story to say i should write a book..........i am not " out of the woods yet".........by the way.......i came to the point that i could not leave my room..... i live in nyc and i was able to speak to bethel elders including g. gangus.... i was very sincere......naive idealistic.............i asked qiestions thinking that surly god understood ...that my motives were good... .

Cyn

I am not new to the net but I am new to this site and I am not familair with the features so I am replying to alll under one post to say THANK YOU!!!...........

I WILL post my story ...I am a perfectionist and It will take time.....................and I will NEVER be able to capture the intensity of it all......

Cynthia

23

I am new to this site.... I wish to tell my story.

by Cyn in

my name is cynthia... i have had depression as a child ( undiagnosed ) father was possibly bipolar and mother is depressive both undiagnosed.....my journry into the org along with how the depression became a mental breakdown , which i thought was jehovah removing his spirirt.

my sruggle with the elders......and the many ways and people i sought help from.....well it is all a long story......... included in it.

jws i have known with mental health issues.......breakdowns.......psych docs have had discussed this with........ i would like to relate my story.....i was so ill..nearly catotonic i did not go to a hospital but if i relate how i felt.........it was clear...... how i was afraid of crossing the street because the green light may have been really a red light and i was told so often by the elders that my thinking was wrong...... ie " they were showing love by isolating me ( a depressed person) because i needed to be active and i was not complying..they said they tried ll that they coudl when in reality it was i always i that reached out to them ( thinking they were chosen of god)...... well..i just gave a sampler....my story is very long...i have been tenatious i read so much ( even before becoming a jw ) about depression and dysfunctional families... i was a teacher did not gte my ma ..people here know why i am sure..... well...before i write this story of mine...i would like to ask..if i can do it in intallments........those i relate my story to say i should write a book..........i am not " out of the woods yet".........by the way.......i came to the point that i could not leave my room..... i live in nyc and i was able to speak to bethel elders including g. gangus.... i was very sincere......naive idealistic.............i asked qiestions thinking that surly god understood ...that my motives were good... .

Cyn

Hello,

My name is Cynthia... I have had depression as a child ( Undiagnosed ) father was possibly Bipolar and mother is depressive both undiagnosed.....my journry into the org along with how the depression became a mental breakdown , which I thought was Jehovah removing his spirirt. MY Sruggle with the elders......and the many ways and people I sought help from.....well it is all a long story........

Included in it. JWS I have known with mental health issues.......breakdowns.......PSYCh docs have had discussed this with.......

I would like to relate my story.....I was so ill..nearly catotonic I did not go to a hospital but If I relate how I felt.........it was clear...... how I was afraid of crossing the street because the GREEN light may have been really a RED light and I was told so often by the elders that My thinking was wrong...... ie " they were showing love by isolating me ( a depressed person) because I needed to be active and I was not complying..they said they tried ll that they coudl when in reality it was I always I that reached out to them ( thinking they were chosen of GOD).....

Well..I just gave a sampler....my story is very long...I have been tenatious I read so much ( even before becoming a jw ) about depression and dysfunctional families... I was a teacher did not gte MY MA ..people here know why I am sure....

Well...before I write this story of mine...I would like to ask..if I can do it in intallments........those I relate my story to say I should write a book..........I am not " out of the woods YET".........by the way.......I came to the point that I could not leave my room....

I live in NYC and I was able to speak to Bethel elders including G. Gangus.... I was very sincere......naive idealistic.............I asked qiestions thinking that surly GOD understood ...that my motives were good...

Well......to ask this more clearly..................would it be Ok if I tell my story in intsallments?????

BY the way upon leaving the org....I called all the "apostates" I found On the net.....JUST to HEAR what " evil" people sound like.... and reason like...and my thiniking was so twisted (posychotic break) that because the "apostates" sounded ok.....I thought " OH GOD I M AN APOSTATE Or the devil wants me to think they are not bad people".............. I researched Voraciously.....reading hiusr a day to keep focused an not go totally crazy........and I discover that Paul was also an "apostate" and that words are very important ..

I musy sound as if I am Rambling... I also have had a major harssment on the job while I was undergoing the breakdown for the JWs........so I am a miracle...in that I can write a complete sentence..

I mentioned before having called " apostates" MR Bergman....Tom Cabeen...Randall Watter....Mr FRye .... MR Pendelton and a number of others....before I died ( I thought to myself) I would find out what was going on.......and surely a God of love would have let me know why all this occured what i did to derserve it?? I am relating what was in my head MYreasoning my trying to figure things out logically.........

Again.... Third time sorry about this...would it be ok to post my story in installments...I do believe few people have fought as I have..

and I am very well veresed in psych..... I read even when we were told not to.. I did feel guillt but I found I had to to survive.........

Thank you.........

Cynthia ( cyn)