Coming to terms
My family are deeply indoctrinated in the borg, my parents have been jws since 1963 my sister and brother-in-law and their six children are in, and my brother and sister-in-law are the family?s mascot bethel elder/reg. pioneer
For a long time I was able to hold up a front, a lie, I told myself that I was in acceptance, I felt sure that I could accept my family for who they were, and not judge them. In the beginning it was working for me, I felt free to go over to their houses and visit , I started getting involved with them, my parents that is. It seemed like I was making progress with them we never talked about anything jw. After all it had been a long time since I had taken my stand against the truth. This uneasy but bearable ?relationship? went on for the better part of two years and I really thought there was going to be some form of healing, but alas all things good must change and they did. Three years ago my mother inherited some real-estate, about ten acres in a very nice area just outside of the town we live in. I was completely surprised when she made what she probably now feels was a bad choice, she offered me half the property at a very good price. I being the pillar of acceptance that they thought I was, made what I now consider to be a bad choice, I accepted her offer.
In the mean time (it took almost a year to split the property) my brother and his wife moved back to CA from bethel after 12 years. It was at first nice to see them, I had not been in contact with them in many years. When they first got here my brother needed work so I offered him a job working with me, at the time I was thinking that I would be able make some head-way with him just as I had with my parents, and although I tried treating him with the same respect I had my parents, things didn?t work out the same way. We were working about two hours out of town, and he took the ride as an opportunity to question me about my feelings about the truth, he wanted to know ?where I stood? and again being the pillar of acceptance that I was I stepped right in a pile of shit thinking it wouldn?t stink. I handled the questioning tactfully, I shared with him that I was only interested developing our relationship as family, and that I didn?t want to go into any of the jw stuff. He told me that he and his wife had given their life?s to Jehovah and that I being raised as a witness should know what that means (I?ll take the job but don?t expect me to be your brother). Thankfully he only stayed until he got an offer from a jw firm.
All of that brings me to this, at present , I?m building a new home on the property I bought from my mom, my parents have recently moved in to their new home and are my future neighbors, my brother and his wife have moved in with my parents and are now building a granny flat on my parents property all of which is fine (Yes I?m putting up a fence). What I?m having a hard time with is the feelings I?m having. I?m feeling used, on a number of occasions my brother has asked for favors like use of rental equipment etc? and he is always wanting to trade things and his trades are never up front . For example he asked me if I wanted some help grading my road I said sure, it would have been a big help since I could not be there when the trucks were hauling rock. When I got there that afternoon he let me know that he wants a truckload of rock in return for his help and that I?m short rock because he sent my last truck over to dump its load at his house. At any rate through all of this I?m coming to terms with some big things, I can accept someone having their own beliefs but I don?t have accept their bullshit. And I?m also learning that to practice acceptance I don?t have to offer myself as a door mat. Since my brother?s return and since he has moved in with my parents it seems like I?m not as comfortable around them my sister-in-law doesn?t speak to myself or my girlfriend, last week I sat down at their kitchen table and she picked up her plate, and moved. I had to bite my lip to keep from telling her how rude she was being. Oh well thanks for the venting place.
-jumper