I was raised in the "Truth" and pioneered, MS, Elder, Circuit responsibilities, etc.... I actually did it because I beleived I was doing
God's will. The only thing I had ever known was this religion. Being appointed an elder was not like getting a promotion at work. It felt
for me like a validation of my service to God and love for him. To me it meant I could now be in the position to minister to the flock of
God. I saw so many people, what I call the "little people" --- those who believe, those who think that they can never do enough to
please God, the one's who would scrimp and save to go to an assembly, the single mom with three kids who could barely make it
on her income, the sister who had spurned a marriage proposal from a good man because he wasn't a JW--- I thought I could help,
I thought i could make a difference, I thought that if they could love Christ like I did then they could find joy in their right choices....
Perhaps if I had never been appointed an elder I would still believe, although it was pioneer school that opened my eyes to the
Org.'s indoctrination. Before pioneer school I thought I was serving God and Christ. I found out I was expected to serve the Org., the
GB, without question or hesitation. I had many reservations prior to that but BELIEVED I was doing God's will. After finding out I
was really doing man's will, it all started to crumble. After the scales fell off I did see that there is not only ambition, but politics
that would make Karl Rove seem like a novice. Pride, ambition, politics, envy, jealousy,----all this I saw from the top down. It
wasn't isolated, it was not a case of "imperfection". It was systemic. It was, I saw, inevitable.
So, I was not ambitious. I was gullible and naive. I often prayed to God to let his will be known in my life----- and HERE I AM!