Posts by beckyboop

34

How do you view your parents ????? very tough question !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by run dont walk in

jw
friends

being brought up in the borg since birth, i beleived everything my parents taught me and showed me, i looked up to them, they were my heroes in life.. now, i look back, they lied to me, cheated me, mislead me, did not look out for my best interests, and abadonned me when i needed them the most,.

i have nothing good to say about them (or my brothers and sisters), like to tie them both to a tree and ----- them.

they are very stupid people.. i'm sure i will wrestle with this the rest of my life.. thanks so much watchtower bible and tract society !!!!!!!!!!

beckyboop

(((((((((((((Run Don't Walk)))))))))))))))

Thanks for the thought-provoking topic. I am still struggling with this issue as well. My parents will very rarely call me (they didn't call about my grandmother's death nor for my sister's wedding), and it's very frustrating for me. I would very much like to keep the lines of communication open with them and talk frequently; but at the same time, I cannot stand to have to continually face their judgements of me, the shunning, the lies etc. So unfortunately I've taken the easy way out for now and just live my life and don't contact them much.

However, I very much agree with Abaddon on this one. They are the product of a cult--the same as me--except they are still blinded. I too know how to push their buttons, but I'm trying to choose not to. It's extremely difficult for me though because I want for them so badly to see the light like I did. Fact is, if and/or when they do it will be because they were ready and probably won't have much to do with me.

The bottom line for me is being able to show unconditional love--it's harder than I thought. But I do love them and appreciate the love they showed to me in the only way they knew best. They did many things to show their love for us, like travelling all over the country and meeting people in each place (jw or not). I do respect them for doing the best they could, even though it wasn't quite enough.

Becky

10

He is not quiting the cult

by kls in

jw
friends

i had high hopes my cult husband was finding his way out of the cult .i asked on a thread what youre thoughts were on him missing meetings.

i still don't know why he missed them but it doesn't matter he went back.

i know you are supposed to be kind and not fight when they leave but it just came out of my mouth.

beckyboop

((((((((((((((((((KLS))))))))))))))))))))

While I do not know the details surrounding your husband's meeting attendance, I would like to say this--be patient. When my husband started telling me about the many discrepancies and lies fed to us by the jw's, I immediately threatened him with divorce. He--like yourself--felt frustrated at my unwillingness to listen to him, and asked Randy (from Freeminds) for some guidance in the matter. He told him to be patient, and to encourage me to be myself and to get involved in activities that were outside the jw world.

It took several years, and it worked for me. That said, you may never be the one to get through to him, because he will only be ready in his own time. The most you can do is be yourself, no matter what, and encourage him likewise. Hopefully he'll come around, and that you can move forward in your lives. I do realize though how difficult it must be for you right now, as many others do with family and friends still in. If you are feeling particularly frustrated because of how it affects your marriage, I hope you can find the courage to do what it takes to maintain your happiness.

Becky

15

The Awakening

by darkuncle29 in

i don't remember where i found this, could have even found it here.

i don't remember reading it before, and i know i didn't write this.

i still think it is profound though.

beckyboop

Dark Uncle, Thank you thank you thank you for posting that! I have read it before--I actually have a printout out of it that I was going to give to a friend. When I saw this post, I was going to just skim it because "I had already read it". I am so glad I didn't. How wonderful life is now to be able to realize that THIS is life, it's not all about ME, and the worse thing we can do is be AFRAID. Thanks again for posting this--it was very timely. Becky

24

Need advice ... I'm moving

by Vivamus in

jw
friends

i need a bit of advice.. .

or rather, i need to hear i will be fine, surviving in the big city.

actually, not so big a city, i'm talking about rotterdam.. .

beckyboop

Viv, Hmmmm, sounds like you have a tough decision. Living alone in a city like that could be tricky, but like others suggested, ask the locals of the area what it's REALLY like. There are many great places to live and friendly people even in areas like you described--it's just finding them. I lived in a really bad part of town in Iowa for 7 months--we could sit in our living room and watch the regular crack deals at the corner. However, I was with my boyfriend (about 250 lbs.) and his dog (about 130 lbs.), so I always felt rather safe. But I did walk places, sometimes without the dogs or him and was fine because I always treated anyone I encountered with friendliness. (maybe if you got a BIG dog?...;) Anyway, good luck with your decision. Hopefully you'll just KNOW what will be right for you and it will work out fine. BTW, did you get my PM? We are coming to Amsterdam at the end of March and would love to meet up with any ex-jw's there. Let me know if your schedule would permit it--good luck with your new home! Becky

54

Beer survey

by dustyb in

jw
friends

what brand of suds does everyone drink here?

i personally enjoy good ole' bud light.

but if i have to be cheap i do sacrifice taste for quanity and buy keystone ice (ack).

beckyboop

I'm not a huge beer drinker, but I do like the occasional Guiness on tap, and was just introduced to a Belgian beer called Blue Moon. It was a very nice, almost like a cider. I also just tried Stone Cat, which was pretty good, and I will drink Sam Adams Cream Stout with my boyfriend sometimes as well. I love trying different beers, and am looking forward to trying some in Amsterdam in March.

54

Other peoples happiness.......

by obiwan in

jw
friends

it's so sad sometimes to see people question anothers happiness.

there have been posts made about good things happening to our fellow posters here.

posters questioning good fortune and happiness.

beckyboop

Why does any or all criticism have to be taken negatively? I read the posts that are being alluded to, and basically, the only thing that was mentioned was Stacy's OWN words from previous posts. While the timing may not have been the best, Stacy took extreme offense it seemed instead of maybe just re-reading her own words. And I also noticed that any other statements made were not mean-spirited, but rather in keeping with her original words about being too young to get married.

That said, marriage is a huge step no matter what the age, and personally, I think it would be important to hear about the "negative" things--that's how we can learn and maybe AVOID some mistakes.

As far as other people's happiness, how does anybody here know if a person is deliberately trying to sabotage someone else's happiness? Are you them? Just my thoughts,

Becky

13

Just checking in .....

by BobsGirl in

jw
friends

it has been quite a while since i have posted.

life has been a whirlwind this year!

i just wanted to say hello to those of you that remember me, and to let you know that while i don't say so often, many of you have given me strength when needed.

beckyboop

Hiya Bob and Tema and Noah! We've missed you guys very much, and hope to be able to see you soon. We just got back from our vacation to Negril, and we'd love to share our pics with you because we fell in love with it! I hope all is well with you guys, and that you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Love you guys muchisimo!

Becky and Jon

PS. HI Michelle and family! I hope all is well with you guys also. Love you lots.

24

Dealing my own sexual abuse

by Valis in

i've mentioned it a few times, but between the ages of 5-7 i had my two female cousins living with me.

my parents were doing them a favor by letting them live there, but what they didn't know was the prior sexual abuse and molestation by members of their/our family...well, it is in my opinion the trickle down theory of abuse and i also know and remember doing some of the same things with my own siblings even a couple years after they weren't there any more.. i often ask myself.

am i responsible for that?

beckyboop

((((((((((((((((((((((VALIS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kudos to you for first of all recognizing the abuse in your family, and more importantly being able to talk to others about it. It takes a lot of guts to talk about the "negative" things from our family histories, but it seems to me like that's the best way to keep the same shit from happening again. And there are many people here on jwd as well as all over the world who've had to deal with similar issues--hopefully the things said will continue to help you learn as well as help others too.

It seems like most of us have had some form of child abuse in the past, but that more and more people are willing to make the effort to break the chains of abuse by talking about things openly and get help when needed. Thanks for sharing what's obviously a very painful subject--and please keep trying to get past the machismo because IMO you seem much better off without it.

Becky

20

Mom's Being Guilted to Shun Me

by Lutece in

i thought my mom would never change, that she'd never really go along with the shunning, but last night she wouldn't let me stay to eat at their house when my dad made dinner.

my parents and i have been close all our lives, we've been through a lot together and for her to say that she has to be getting a lot more counsel from the elders.

she is being guilted into shunning me, hoping it will help me eventually come back to the truth.

beckyboop

(((((((((Lutece)))))))))

So sorry to hear about your shunning--it really sucks doesn't it? Just this past weekend my younger sister got married and didn't invite me. I'm not as close to my family as you obviously are, but I'd like for things to be better. It is so hard to fathom how they can justify in their minds that SHUNNING could possibly be loving in any way.

I hope you can continue to keep your family close to you, hopefully not so much that they can hurt you again so badly though. Although I personally feel like it's important to keep the lines of communication open with jw family, I can't do it at the expense of my own happiness and sanity. And I feel the only way that happens is if I give them the power to do so. I'm currently in a quandary about this, but am sure I can figure it out--and reading others' experiences helps tremendously.

Thank you for sharing--I hope things work out for you. I think as long as we love them, somehow it will work out.

Becky

PS. You mentioned your divorce went through? How are you doing? I remember reading some of your experience about your situation, so I'm interested in how your life is up to this point.

20

Death anxiety......ever happen to you?

by shotgun in

the other night i'm in bed trying to fall asleep with my tornado of thoughts swirling this way and that and for no apparent reason i started to have an anxiety attack thinking about death.

it was easy to accept so many things about death when you believed it's never going to happen or that if it does i'll be back..just like arnold.. when i speak to non-dubs they don't seem to experience it as much because death has always been an accepted part of life to them.. i can't go back to thinking like a dub and i admit i'm a non-bible believer now and not even sure about the existence of god..at least not the biblical one.

so i guess i can only look forward to a long healthy life and hope that the last thing i see before i die is the face of my daughter holding her grandchild.. have many of you had this anxiety attack after leaving the borg?.

beckyboop

Yes, especially on 9/11. That day was such a turning point in my mind, because I had to make a conscious decision in what I KNEW in my heart to be true--that it wasn't armageddon, that I wasn't a bad person who was going to die at the hands of the oh-so-loving Jehovah. (my father saying "This is it, this is it" kinda helped in a weird sort of way) I have had many other times where I thought about it over and over; but when something like that happens and you have to actively and with full consciousness change your mind, it helped open up my thinking process. Every little thing like that helps me shed another layer of JW type thinking.

Last year though, I lost my older brother, my uncle, and my grandmother (they didn't even call me about my grandma)--within about 6 months. Although I wasn't very close to them for various reasons, I still had to deal with their loss--especially when I see my niece and nephew, or my aunt, or even worse, my mom. I know in my heart that although I'm sad, the ones that died are now ok--wherever/whatever that might be. My brother's life was a very sad one, and it was no surprise (unfortunately) to me when I was contacted with the news.

I certainly think about death NOW though in a totally different way--but probably about the same amount as before. I am not afraid of it at all, because it's something that I pretty much have no control over (unless I choose it). I am much more interested in figuring out how not to FEAR it when it does happen to people I know and love--but somehow embracing it. Thanks for such a thought provoking topic--it certainly struck a chord in me tonight.

Becky