What a guilt trip he's got you on matey! You're not responsible for him, afterall you've had to make your own way and you have. It's not as though you've had half the help he has. You're right though, he's not gonna do anything about the state of his life if you keep holding his hand. I think it's a bit sh*tty that your folks are just standing back through all of this. Surely it would be much easier if they had your backing and support. I know it's harsh mate, but in the end if you're both going to be miserable existing together, then you might as well boot him out on his bum and at least that way at least you might get some happiness. He will be fine, he's making childish threats, but would be very unlikely to go through with them. You might find too that you're better equipped to help him with his problems from a distance.
Posts by Frog
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27What should I do about my brother??? I'm going insane.
by sonnyboy ini'm at my wit's end right about now.. my 24 year old brother is staying in my home as a roommate.
when i bought the house 5 years ago everything was fine; he helped with the housework, cut the grass, and was fair with the amount of 'house food' he'd consume.. time changes everything.
he now does nothing inside the house: no dishes, no vacuuming, no dusting, no anything.
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27
What should I do about my brother??? I'm going insane.
by sonnyboy ini'm at my wit's end right about now.. my 24 year old brother is staying in my home as a roommate.
when i bought the house 5 years ago everything was fine; he helped with the housework, cut the grass, and was fair with the amount of 'house food' he'd consume.. time changes everything.
he now does nothing inside the house: no dishes, no vacuuming, no dusting, no anything.
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Frog
Hey sonny, you're a good brother, but you aint doing your lil bro any favours by not teaching him the value of accountability. He's a grown boy now and he needs to get out on his own, and learn to take care of himself. Tell him that his presence is driving you battey, tell him that your home is a place where you feel you should be able to relax. He should be told that he's taking advantage of you, and that you're not going to be there as a free ride for much longer. You're the owner, you set the ground rules. If he doesn't agree with them, then he can go out into the real world where strangers aren't gonna be as understanding. You've got to be happy and comfortable in your own home, you don't need this stress! Goodluck...living with family really does suck. Frog x
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18
Marrying to a non christian
by greendawn inwould you ever get married to a person of a non christian background such as moslem, hindu or jewish?
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Frog
For me religions such as those mentioned above are a cultural issue. In many ways cultural gaps are very difficult to bridge. If those beliefs/practices played a large part in their life, then it is unlikely that I would be on a level with such a person.
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21
SHOW SOME EMOTION
by tijkmo ini was thinking today the showing emotion is frowned upon by jws .
you cant be angry..about anything..because you arent cultivating the fruit of the spirit .
you cant be bitter..because you should be forgiving .
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Frog
our emotions are mostely what make us human, it's unnatural to have to supress them because of outside restraints. Venting emotion is a productive way of dealing with pain, sorrow, grief. There are appropriate and inappropriate times for realeasing them, but otherwise people that really care wouldn't ask you to hold in what your body naturally needs to let out. Frog xx
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35
what do ex jws become
by jwfacts in.
what do most ex jws become, christian, athiest/agnostic or some other religion?
and since we all need to be labelled, what do i call myself now?
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Frog
We're more likely to become something else because we're forced to question and analyse our belief systems thoroughly after leaving the borg. When you do this you are forced to draw some conclusions about where you stand, and what you stand for. Only difference is that second time we're much wiser, and we know that it's healthy to take in new information constantly to keep your beliefs and thought processes in check. Frog x
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153
Why do/don't you believe in God
by LouBelle innow for all the scientists out there this is not a question of proof or anything along those lines.
for my part i choose to believe in a god because i honestly believe there is one (though i did start doubting for a little while) i've always felt that there was more to our existance on earth - and that doesn't stem from me wanting to live forever or as a spirit, as i don't even know if that will happen.
i also believe in him because many many times when i could not carry on, on my own strength, i managed to pulled through.
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Frog
Hey Loubelle,
I do not not believe in God, I don''t like labels or the stigmas that are attached to them, but I believe this makes me an atheist. My honest opinion though, is that it is irrelevant for me to really question the beliefs of others. Because irrespective of whether these beliefs are based on logical fact, those personal beliefs are real in their consequences. For instance, if voodoo tribesman from a Papuan tribe pointed a bone at me with a curse that says I will die in 2 weeks, I would probably be humoured by it and think nothing more of it. If however, the bone is pointed at a local tribesman he will no doubt take this very seriously, this could in turn affect his health, he would prepare himself for death, and he might even die. So in saying so, his beliefs are real in their consequences. Perhaps this is a left field analogy but it's an analogy all the same:)
Frog
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9
Stubborness
by Es ini am a very very stubborn person at times, i would like to know from others like me do you feel this a burden at times?
es
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Frog
I can relate to you darl. I wished I could be more chilled out sometimes and let things slide, but when things really bite me I can get way too worked up about it. Sometimes it is definitely best to let matters slide, especially if you're dealing with someone you can't reason with. I figure that you feel whatever way you feel in that moment for a reason. Best thing to try to do is to try to understand what the triggers were that brought you back to that place where you felt you had to be stubborn and not let things go. Now, if we're talking about your mother in-law here, well it seems to me you've got very good reasons for feeling like you shouldn't back down on certain things. It's true you can't let people get away with murder and rule your life, but there is definitley a way to get your peice across without being overly confrontational. That's the hard part though, especially when you just wished everyone treated you with the same respect that you treat them. I guess we just have to learn to pick our battles sometimes, and make the other person realise that they may have gotten their way, but it doesn't change your opinion or perspective. You're definitley the better person if you can let things go when there's not a great deal but your pride at stake.
Don't beat yourself up babe. You're absolutely awesome, you don't need to change a thing, just keep being yourself:)) Frog xx
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15
Porky?
by Low-Key Lysmith inin leu of all these threads lately about what attracts us to the opposite (or same) sex, i was wondering if any of y'all out there share my love for the ladies (or gentlemen, if in your case) to have a little "junk in the trunk" or "cushion for the pushin'"?
i like really voluptuous women.
not obese, mind you, but some chunkyness is okay by me.
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Frog
Hey guys:) Last semester at Uni when we covered the 'sociology of the body' we looked at it from the perspective that skinny/toned gives the idea of self-control and strength, which is something desirable and respected. Of course this is only one perspective. I've also read that men are unlikely to want to settle with playboy glam types because they are so desired by other men and this challenges their manhood, and makes them feel insecure. So, on account the majority of men are content with attractive women, as compared to the rare supermodel breed.
btw, there is no way that that pic of Britney hasn't been "touched up". Her legs are a very unnatural shape, and if you ever see the shots the paparazzi snap of her when she's not made up, she definitely don't resemble the wax model as pictured above!
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9
Stubborness
by Es ini am a very very stubborn person at times, i would like to know from others like me do you feel this a burden at times?
es
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Frog
I think babe that you've probably had to be a little extreme in this respect because of all the trials you've had to face. If you didn't stick up for and stick to your beliefs no-one would have done it for you. I think perhaps that with time when all the really hard stuff is over you might probably find yourself relaxing a little in this regard. So don't beat yourself up babe, I admire you for your independence and go-getter attitude:)) Luv Frog xx
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45
List of things banned to JWs
by AllAlongTheWatchtower inmy wife is involved with jws, and i want to find out what they believe, things they do or will not do, that i can present to her in the hope that it will convince her that the jw lifestyle is not for her.
i found out a few things already, like blood and yoga which i told her about, but she was unphased.
("i've never needed a transfusion before anyway, and besides, they told me that doctors have blood substitute now".
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Frog
those scout cookies are damn fine Richie I'll give ya that! What monster could say no to those cute beaming faces looking up at your with cookie crumbs in the corner of their mouths, not me!
That list is very comprehensive, which is great. There are as Blondie and others have mentioned several unwritten rules which you must obey if you want to be accepted and respected inside the organisation, these are probably the most debilitating of all.
Your wife must have some sort of void in her life if she is so attracted to the teachings of such a cult. I suggest the best way to reach her would be to explore alternatives in her life, other organisations, activities which will give her the outlet she needs, without splitting up her family. You will not have half the relationship you have with your wife now if she becomes a formal member. She will be driven by the private fear of breaking all the rules, and loosing her connection with god.
I hope that your wife has to see through all the smoke an mirrors. Having been raised as a JW from childhood I really don't understand how it is a grown adult could be attracted to such a life destroying cult that bases their teachings on a very rigid interpretation of their own bible.
Good luck, and stay in touch with the board, you will find comfort, support and advice here. It seems a number of posters have been in your very position:)
Frog xx