mtbatoon

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Posts by mtbatoon

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  24

  What is it all about? This life.

  by dh in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you ever have those days, weeks, months, or even years where you just feel like your entire existence is completely pointless, when time has shot by and you feel like you have done none of the things that you set out to do so many years prior.

  when you feel like you have been standing still forever.. you work your routine and live your life, maybe have some friends, but when you go to sleep at night you still feel like there is nothing, no point or reason or meaning for any of it, like life is a void, and all your actions, feelings and everything about you is simply designed to distract you from the fact that there is nothing, and if you're lucky you're so distracted that you never notice it at all.

  it's like some insane cylce and you can never break it, no matter what you do or how you try.

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  mtbatoon

  Yep that's my take on life. In the big scheme of things I'm going to effect so few people that there's not much point trying. Little cogs with built in redundancy is all most of us ever manage to be. The only reason I've ever come up with is doing it all so the next generation gets a step up the ladder in helping make there pointless life a little bit more bearable, and for what? So they can do the same for there kids. Do I think there's some ultimate goal? No.

  On the other hand though there's plenty of those so called pleasures of the flesh to take your mind of your worries and feelings of worthlessness. Maybe it's best to look at it in two sections. Personal existence and social existence.
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  26

  So How Does Your "Never Been A J Dub" Partner Cope With All Of This?

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  mine does very well!.

  she's astonished at the df'ing thing more than anything else.

  she reckons it's all about control and power.

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  mtbatoon

  Mine is brilliant.

  She has always been there for me, never judging and always supportive. She's learnt what not to say to get on with my parents. Before coming JWD I'd had a couple of run ins with xJW sites on the internet and they had left me worst than before i looked. She was wary when I took the afternoon off work and did nothing but look at this site till the early hours of the next morning. After she read a few of the posts, especially one by brummie, a testimony that was used in a court case, she realised what sort of environment I grew up in. She's an addicted lurker and we daily discuss the posts that appear on this site.

  Crumpet: Stick in there. It's a weird old xJDub life and not one that many can appreciate off the bat. Keeping the whole matter at arms length may be the only way he can deal with something that has caused so much pain to someone he loves.
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  18

  all i need is help

  by angel1234 in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  hello my friends hope u r all well?

  what i would like the poeple know in the chat room of a night i would like u to know that 1) i have a learning promblem 2) im not a good speller as sum 1 really hurt & upset me last in the room & im thinking of leaving cos of this person 3) my parents died now im living with my foster parents i call then both mom & dad as they have been very good to me 3) i have got abit of dyxsile so if no 1 wants to help me then please dont talk behind my back if u have sum thing to say....post me a message 4) i do belive in god & all im asking is for sum help 2 help me on my travels thank u 4 listening angel.

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  mtbatoon

  Don't be put off by others. It's your voice and however well you get it across it's still your voice. I too have difficulties with literacy. Like most of my posts this ones been written out on a word processor so the spell check will catch most of my bad spelling. I don't chat online much except one to one and when I do its slow and I get left behind. In the years I've been posting on the internet my spelling and composition has improved through practice (no really it has).

  It's a slow process communicating by keyboard and if people don't have the patience then there comments most likely aren't worth the effort.

  If I may make one comment, try to limit leet or txt speech, it's an extra effort but it hampers developing your communication skills.
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  22

  Losing faith in the organization

  by parakete in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have been a jw for more than 20 years, but during these past few years i have come to realize that some of the elders and regular publishers are very hypocritical and insensitive.

  they have done things that really disgust me.

  tare so arrogant that they cannot take any criticism form you.

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  mtbatoon

  Welcome to the club. You'll find a diverse range of thinking and beliefs here but one thing we do agree on is the rot from bottom up in the WT.
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  34

  Newbie

  by writegirl in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i stumbled on this site by accident and i'm kind of glad i did.

  in the past i have typically avoided these sites because most people on them seem newly bitter and i didn't like the tone.

  i was raised a witness by an alcoholic father and an abusive stepmother.

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  mtbatoon

  A very warm welcome to you writegirl.
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  10

  Problem remembering my childhood

  by mtbatoon in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  i have a big problem remembering my childhood.

  it gets quite frustrating sometimes.

  every so often i get a flashback to a memory but only by triggers, usually smell.

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  mtbatoon

  I too was rejected by my family and know how it can be akin to bereavement. Luckily it was only two years separation but I had miseds the death of my favourite great uncle in that time and never got to say many of the things that I needed to say to him (he was a surrogate Grandfather to me, my maternal grandfather never being a JW separated from my nan and I never met him). Luckily I manager to rebuild a relationship with them, I hope you and everyone else in the same situation manages at some time in you lives to do the same.
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  14

  What would you do if...

  by zeroday in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  if you are da'd or df'd and an elder from your former hall ran into you in public and tried to engage you in conversation, what would you do.

  would you talk to them or shun them as the rank and file are required to you.

  i would walk away without even acknowledging their existence.

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  mtbatoon

  I am unbaptised and left amicably so they have no reason not to talk to me. Recently though I have though of selective DAing. There are some who are genuine family friends and nice people, there again many only give lip service to politeness and even thought I was raised a dub, feel the need to inform me of there beliefs. Then again there?s the smarmy elders, ok one smarmy elder I have a problem with and his smarmy son (now a replica smarmy elder). I think some manner of oral test would be in order and if they fail then I?ll announce to my self they?ve been disassociated from me. On maybe a stick on badge of some sort. At those awful family get together that they insist on turning up at I could go around sticking them on the ones I don?t like saying ?your dead to me, and you, your dead to me too?. I wonder if they would find it strange behaviour seeing as its what they do themselves?
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  10

  Problem remembering my childhood

  by mtbatoon in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  i have a big problem remembering my childhood.

  it gets quite frustrating sometimes.

  every so often i get a flashback to a memory but only by triggers, usually smell.

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  mtbatoon

  Thanks for your replies. I don?t think they are abusive memories but as you say it doesn?t have to come from abuse. It?s more like a grey goo that only some memories are clear in. Most of the memories I have are when I was in a highly emotional state, many from being picked on at school. My family wasn?t uber strict, my dad left the org and my mum was left to bring us up in the faith by herself. Actually crumpet your suggestion of a diary is a good one but in my case it will have to be retrospective. It reassuring to know that it?s not only JW?s that have this but if it?s anything I?d put good money that its linked in some way.
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  19

  Let's come up with some witty names for new people to sign up with

  by seattleniceguy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  wouldn't it be cool if we came up with a bunch of cool, witty screen names here, and then a bunch of lurkers who had been waiting to sign up decided to take the plunge and use one of our raanames?

  i've got...sister golden hair suprise (from that old america song)rationalitegreat defillibrationworldly neophytemy parents raised me jw and all i got was this stupid screenname.

  okay, so some of those are lame.

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  mtbatoon

  If someone got reinstated they could have borgagain
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  10

  Problem remembering my childhood

  by mtbatoon in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  i have a big problem remembering my childhood.

  it gets quite frustrating sometimes.

  every so often i get a flashback to a memory but only by triggers, usually smell.

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  mtbatoon

  I have a big problem remembering my childhood. It gets quite frustrating sometimes. Every so often I get a flashback to a memory but only by triggers, usually smell. I can remember places but little of events. One of the biggest problems I have is placing it chronologically. My wife tells me that most of my memories are of being ill, I was not a sickly child so it?s not like it should be a predominant memory. I don?t know if this is something that?s physical or physiological. All I can think of if it isn?t physical then I bought it on myself when I left the borg at 16 years old. I knew I had to change who I was to survive in the real world, I left home at 17 maybe only 6 or 8 months after quitting. It may be the repetitive 2 nights a week, Saturday FS and Sunday meeting has blurred my memory. Maybe my childhood was so dull that there?s little to remember, or so full of WT crap that it?s not worth it.

  What I?d like to know is does anyone else have this problem, those that don?t how much of you childhood do you remember and how far back does it go?