Posts by homesteader

for instance, governments turning on religion, matthew 24th chapt events really increasing at an alarming rate, enough to make you think: " maybe they were right?

" if that happened, and the wts left the "door on the ark", so to speak, open for a little while, would you go back to the wts?

homesteader

My trust level is ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

75

First Post

by 5thGeneration in

jw
friends

some things confuse me here.

i am in the same position as many where i don't agree with so much the society says and feel stuck dragging myself to the meetings and then feel incredible guilt because the study for the day says it is wrong to have any doubts "even in private".

impossible for me!.

homesteader

Welcome to the board 5th.

I''ve been away from the org. for 5 years now and believe in God more than I ever did. There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the beauty that surrounds me not only in nature but in people. Life is better than any Paradise I could of imagined while being a JW. When i first quit attending meetings I had a hard time with the word Jehovah because it induced fear and brought back all the things I was trying to free my mind from so I began using the word Father when I prayed. You are asking some good questions and know that you aren't alone in your observations. Many of us have asked some of the very same things even though we are continents apart. Interesting. Also, I came to the conclusion that trying to live day to day life is a big enough challenge and that I can't figure what is going to happen in the future. That dispelled my fear of dying at Armeggedon. As for the folks on this board, I too was a little taken back by some of the crude remarks but have observed that we are all healing in own way. Many seem to have alot of anger toward the organization, justifiably so and express it in their own way. Some of the avatars were suprising to me, but I'm not bothered by them anymore. I sift through to read and respond to the posts that interest me. I've been helped very much by reading various experiences and thoughts although they differ from my own. God Bless on your journey. Grace.

33

Many Stay As JWs Because Of Social & Family Contacts

by minimus in

jw
friends

would you agree that most people stay on as witnesses--not because they are "true believers" but because they have no place else to go or they will risk losing their family and friends?

homesteader

most definetly. at first i thought it was the truth but after the 1914 generation changing and issues on blood i knew it wasn't. i had made what i thought were very good friends and it finally dawned on me that i couldn't stay in this religion for them. that wasn't fair to myself or God. When my family member were df'd i found out how conditional their love was. they quit associating with me also. their loved even became more conditional when i started thinking for myself. i've made so many wonderful friends outside the org. the one thing that is different is that the relationships have boundaries. sometimes it feels like the depth of 'love' is lacking, but in retrospect the relationships are healthier. not all that codependency stuff. no one (except my hubby) knows every detail of my life and i like it that way.

26

I wish i was adopted...

by kittyeatzjdubs in

jw
friends

yet again my dear matt wanted to make an attempt to break the ice with my father and his stupid new wife, whom i feel no responsibility to like or accept because she's young enough to be my father's daughter (she's 29 and my father's 60!!!

) and she's trifling and two faced.

i honestly feel that she's just with him for the money.

homesteader

What a terrible weekend for you and bf!!! I wouldn't even waste my time and energy on folks like that. You and Mike be the loving family that you don't have. Best Wishes with your future. Don't look back too often!!!

48

Oh God Why? Tell Me Why??

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

now that i'm totally free of the wt & it's indoctrination, standing alone not sure of my purpose in life, not sure where to turn to.

i still believe in god but find myself on the verge/or perhaps already questioning him.

this is quite a sensitve topic & not sure it suitable, but i just need it out there.

homesteader

you might want to consider staying away from 'bad news' for awhile. jw's and even the news media focus on all the bad things in the world and that's a hard mindset to break. i acknowledge the bad, but chose to focus on all the positive and good in the world. when i take walks in rural appalachia and come across some roadkill i can either chose to stop and look at it, become nauseated by the smell and looks, feel sorry for the poor animal, get angry at the driver that hit it or raise my eyes, hasten my gait and move forward, saying a prayer in my heart for the lost. Soon my focus is on the present and here and now and I can enjoy the sunshine, the fragrance of the wildflowers and the stunning mountains in our area. do what you can do locally in your community to help an underpriveleged person and know that every drop in the bucket counts.

28

My Tale (its about time too!!!)

by PaulJ in

i have vaig memories of a christmas, but other than that, being a jw was all i know.

she begged me to stay but i knew it would be easy just to give in (again).

i have never felt so much hurt in my life.

homesteader

thanks for sharing your story. i admire your tenancity and good wisdom. i'm not sticking up for the elders, but they didn't help because they don't know how. wish you well.

17

What should I do?

by misguided in

when my youngest son came home from his weekend with his father, i realized it would soon be july, and my ex has a 10-day access period specified for july, and i thought i'd better write it on the calendar.

while doing this, my son tells me he's going to go somewhere with his dad, but he's not allowed to tell me.

i said to him, "hey, bud, you've got to tell me.

homesteader

Amen OldSoul!!! If you don't put a big fuss like screaming, name calling etc and carry through the court order in a non-chalant manner i don't think your son will be affected. Remember if you give someone an inch, they take a mile. Tell ex that you would be happy to let him take son to where ever another weekend when and if things are prearranged and you know all of the details where they are going and what they will be doing.

27

Totally screwed up.

by betrayedbyall in

jw
friends

hi, its been a few months since i last visited the forum and to be honest in that time my life has just continued to go downhill, does it ever get any easier guys, i have been so close to ending it all a few times and dont know how much longer i can take the anquish and pain which i feel every day !!!!!!!!.

i now have no job, no friends, and no desire to fight anymore, i sit here day after day just wanting to sleep so that the mental pain will go away and yet i want peace so much.. my old mum who turns 80 next month, and who has been a witness for 50 years, has been so hurt by the events that led to my dissasociation she has now stopped going to the kingdoom hall, but i can see how sad and confused she is and i feel i have caused her great hurt in her later years, she has a bad heart and looks so worn down, i am worried sick she may pass away in this condition and this is tearing me apart also.

you might remember i lost my job after 28 years after being bullied and putting in a claim of harrasment, i then started up my own business and 10 witnesses worked for me, the lies and deceit was beyond words and in the end i had to close most of the business down, after that it was only myself and a non witness friend who were working together.

homesteader

ps. i want to affirm evilforce's advice !!!! if you are depressed there is no light at the end of the tunnel and antidepressants and counseling can make a world of difference. Celexa has worked well for myself.