This makes no sense to me. I understand the guilt and pressure and blackmail ... I have lived through it all. But I cannot seem to rationalize in my mind why some choose to sacrifice their own personal integrity so that their famliy will talk to them! Talk about having a crisis of conscience!
My sister is doing the same thing, and has been for a couple of years now. She "went back" and has been living a double life ever since. I finally called her on it last year because she was trying to give me the same line of shit that she was giving my JW famlily. I wasn't going to rat her out or anything, but I was tired of her lying to me. She finally admitted to me that she only went back so she they would accept her back again. Now we don't ever mention it. I am not sure whether to be upset at her or at the organization(or my family) for putting her in that position to have to choose. I feel like she (and you) have to accept some responsibility because basically, you are agreeing to live a lie.
My sister decided that was best for her, as you must. I wish you the best in whatever you decide! Just make sure you can live with the consequences.
BTW ... I am sorry for your loss. Losing a loved is always difficult and creates an emotional charged atmosphere.