Posts by bythesea

21

Help!! Any advice?

by toby888 in

jw
friends

thanks old soul and others so much.. as a newbie i have so much to tell, but right now i must tell of my current situation.

i am a "family head" and have a wife and son.

i gradually realized the truth about the truth when my son kept asking really good questions i couldn't answer.

Toby.....I feel for you in your situation and can totally relate to the sickening feeling inside...both upon realization that you've been duped all these years(OMG! It can't be true, can it?!) and the fear of losing your son. My son, now 27, was in trouble more with kids from the KH then ever with any worldly associates....as other posts have pointed out, just being "in the truth" is no guarantee that all be well for him! There was a period of time when he did head on into the drug world, but it wasn't until he was trying to clear his conscience of what he'd been doing with his buddies from the KH and went to the bros and they DF him...admitting to me and him both that he WAS repentent, but thought he needed a lesson! So, I stayed close by, he went and tried everything in the world he'd been warned against, we kept in touch always, I never shunned him....3 years later he moved home when he'd gotten injured on a job and couldnt work and began going to the meetings again. He said he always felt different than everyone during those years out in the world....girls especially told him he wasn't like the other guys they knew. It was different in a GOOD way.... and I would suspect your son would find it the same for him. Our kids ARE raised different in JW, and its not all bad....my son has always been very social, he's not an oddball kid or a geek....he would fit in anywhere and has a keen mind. I'm convinced that he will see through all this religious stuff in his own time.

I would suggest that you try to keep the lines of communication open between you. You don't mention where your wife is in all this....what is she thinking? Are you talking to her....is your son? I think if you want to create the least disturbance in your life and those around you then I'd try the slow fade(which IS what I'm trying myself!)....it calls for lots of patience and endurance and learning how to be VERY VAGUE when talking to friends from the KH, but patience and endurance are good qualities we're supposed to be cultivating anyway, right??

Hang in there, Toby....we're all here for you...keep us updated on how its going. LOVE your son, no matter what! This will be difficult for you all, but if you can get them all out then that will be worth it...that's my goal with my family too. A fellow traveler, bythesea

26

The WTBTS published a criticism on one of its articles. Do you remember?

by Gill in

i remember, possible 15 to 20 years ago an actual challenge to the wtbts from a reader published in the watchtower, i believe.

but it did stick in my mind.

it was on the subject of the nazi persecution of jews and the jws.

bythesea

Gill.....I also remember that story about the young girl and her mother...its permanently in my mind as well! As I recall, tho, it wasn't in an article about Nazi persecution but it was a life story about the young girl, recounting her experience while in the camp. You might be able to track it down by going back through the personal stories of bros/sisters. Seems like it was from the 80's, but I could be off. I kind of remember where I was living at the time when the article came out, of looking at my young daughter and thinking how horrible the story was! I'd check back to '82 in the mags for it. Hope that helps! bythesea

37

leaving

by Lo-ru-hamah in

jw
friends

to those of you that have been jw's for many years... i would like to know how it is that you have transferred to your new life.

my family and i are in the process, actually, we have left because of many of the issues brought up on this forum.

this, being jw's, is all that we have ever known.

bythesea

Welcome Lo-ru and Toby888!!! I'm still working my way out of the org(borg) also....my mate is still in as are my children and numerous family members. I'm trying to do the slow fade out....I'm so happy I've found this forum to read and get different people's perspectives! We all have a story....and for many it is still ongoing! I second the idea to READ as much as you can....the list of books suggested above(by ???) is good, and I'd add Franz' second one titled In Search of Christian Freedom to it....I still find it comforting to read portions of when I'm feeling down and wondering about where my relationship with God is these days....there is so much indoctrination to get rid of and it will take time! I wasn't raised as a JW, but have been associated most of my life and baptized 25 yrs. Its feeling sooooo good to get control of my life back and its only been since the first of this year! If I wasn't doing the slow fade I'm sure I could make more progress.

Keep hanging in there, you newcomers....look here for support, read "the best of...." as I'm finding it a wealth of information and think you guys will too....full of insight.

Lo-ru....I'm finding that I'm still a very spiritual person, in fact more so now since being able to have a freer relationship with God....I think before I was RELIGIOUS, but had lost my spirituality...do you know what I mean? When my faith in the WTS was shaken and I came to realize that they weren't "God's channel to mankind on earth today" then EVERYTHING they had taught me came into question....things I'd taken for granted were Bible teachings....I'm having to rebuild my faith and re-examine everything....its all a process....don't give up!!! bythesea

38

Oh My Cawed! $29,000+

by BrendaCloutier in

jw
friends

ok. i "won" a "fully favorable" social security disability claim on august 29, 2005. from there it takes 2 - 6 months to receive a letter outlining just how much i will receive in back pay and in monthly.. today i got an envelope with $29,794.00.

no letter, no nothing!.

oh, my, cawed!.

bythesea

BIG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I'm in Oregon too....lets do lunch sometime! I'll even buy!!!

I know several horror stories of people very deserving of Disability who gave up fighting the system before they could see it through to the end....GOOD FOR YOU FOR PERSERVERING!!!!!

27

JW Husband and Apostate Wife

by twinflame in

ah, where to start.

i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.

we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.

bythesea

Welcome, twinflame!!

You said:

I guess you could just use the excuse my husband uses with the 'friends': 'She's going through menopause and just freaked out'!

I had to laugh at this as its what I suggested to my husband when he asked me what he was supposed to tell people when they asked why I wasn't at many meetings anymore! He, however, didn't laugh!!

I'm new at posting here too, and am finding so many wonderful comments, and people who can relate to what's going on with the whole exit/fade slide out of the WTS. You've been gone awhile now, unlike myself who still puts on some appearances for sake of the hubby and wanting to keep relationships with family....but it sounds like if you're going to make any headway with planting seeds in your guys mind that you not make him feel he has to always be on the defensive. Maybe its hard to remember how you defended "the truth" back when you were active and anyone said anything critical, but that's what we all did at one time! Think "soft shoe" instead of tap dancing all over his faith...I think you'll get further....and it may have to be in babysteps.... That's my approach with my hubby....I'll let you know if its working!! Good luck....and Welcome Aboard!! Its nice to have another wife who's seen the light!! Bythesea

15

What's my role here????

by bythesea in

my daughter (29)is expecting our first grandchild first of nov (not that i trust dates!

) and i plan on being there for the birth.

my dilemna is that i am trained as a doula(labor coach), and have assisted some of her friends in their birthings, but now that its my daughter's turn i'm worried about how to handle it!

bythesea

Thanks, one and all, for all your input....especially to you, Scully, for your more detailed suggestions. I agree that keeping things as simple as possible eliminates problems down the road. You speak as if you are aquainted with the going-ons of the medical field....having some "hands on" experience yourself in these things....am I right?

I'm looking forward to the entire experience and will be seeing my daughter and son-in-law this coming weekend and we will talk about some of the expectations when delivery time comes.

Thanks, Rootcause....for the websites...I will see what they also have to say. I have quite an extensive library on childbirth as it is, having been in this field for a few years now, but I never tire of learning and am always open to more. My daughter is giving birth in a hospital with a nurse-midwife who has had 9 children of her own.....and I will meet her later this month, so I am feeling confident that she is in good hands! Since both of my kids arrived early I'm feeling like I better have a bag packed and ready to grab if she also decides to give birth ahead of the due date! This is going to be so much fun!!!

Thanks everyone, for all your support....now if I can just say and do all the right things at her baby shower given by the KH this weekend!! I will mind my P's & Q's, I promise!!! BTS

15

What's my role here????

by bythesea in

my daughter (29)is expecting our first grandchild first of nov (not that i trust dates!

) and i plan on being there for the birth.

my dilemna is that i am trained as a doula(labor coach), and have assisted some of her friends in their birthings, but now that its my daughter's turn i'm worried about how to handle it!

bythesea

Golf, you mentioned something about what kind of relationship I have with my daughter maybe having some bearing on how things are handled at the birth....I do have a close relationship with her, she's my only daughter, and since becoming pg I've noticed she's calling me more, and reaching out to me in ways she hadn't before....she's VERY independent! And since she's not really aware of my working at fading out of "the truth" I've been especially worried about not putting up any red flags at this time so as to create any reason for there to be a wedge between us. She does know that I hadn't turned in time for several months, but thinks I am now,( after a WT article came out earlier this summer re: why we do turn in time). Anyway, I think I go along with everyone's opinion so far about just being MOM, maybe throwing in some helpful suggestions as things proceed....I think she expects me to be helpful, not just BE there!

Thanks so far, everyone, I appreciate the feedback!! bythesea

15

What's my role here????

by bythesea in

my daughter (29)is expecting our first grandchild first of nov (not that i trust dates!

) and i plan on being there for the birth.

my dilemna is that i am trained as a doula(labor coach), and have assisted some of her friends in their birthings, but now that its my daughter's turn i'm worried about how to handle it!

bythesea

My daughter (29)is expecting our first grandchild first of Nov (not that I trust dates!) and I plan on being there for the birth. My dilemna is that I am trained as a doula(labor coach), and have assisted some of her friends in their birthings, but now that its my daughter's turn I'm worried about how to handle it! My daughter is pretty sure she wants to try natural childbirth(which I highly advocate, and yes, I've been there & done that myself more than once) but isn't ruling out taking drugs if it gets too intense. As a labor coach to anyone else I'd do my best to keep them to their birthing plan, but I can tell its going to be a different scenario when I'm dealing with her...she's going to see me as MOM before relating to me as her labor coach, and I can envision her telling me to go take a hike(not that she's ever told me that before!) at some point! Has anyone here dealt with being in a similar situation with their daughter during labor?? I hope to see her this coming weekend and want to talk this out before the time comes....she and hubby are just starting their childbirth classes, so thats good, as he knows NOTHING about the process! I know she wants him involved, and I usually talk things through with both parties so we have a clear understanding of everyone's role during this special time....I just know its going to be impossible to not have my role blur between mom/grandma & doula....anyone have suggestions on how best to handle it??

36

Fred Franz stories

by lawrence in

need some help... does anyone here have stories about the former "prophet" of the wts?

' i would like to incorporate some stories about him, personality traits, mannerisms, etc.

this play i would like to perform in the future at apostatefests.

bythesea

Fred Franz stayed at my mothers home for a couple of days when he came out to do a new KH dedication, probably mid-70's. My step dad flew him in from a larger city and then back later. I recall my mom commenting that he was a quiet, fussy, kind of little guy....very polite, but seemed kind of an "odd duck"! I could try and get a little more out of her, if there was anything more she might remember about him.

I later heard him speak at our KH, from memory, on the history of the org. Someone else mentioned hearing that talk from him, so maybe he has done it numerous times and that's why he knows it so well. My kids were young at the time and were afraid to go up and meet him after the talk! I was impressed that he knew so many scriptures by heart, as he never used a Bible at all, probably due to his failing eyesight at that point.

39

Hi guys, I'm new...

by bitemeWT in

i grew up in a "divided household" in missouri.

i suspect my mother had post partum depression when jws knocked on her door.

she fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

bythesea

Welcome, Biteme, I'm new here too! I had to laugh about the scarey feeling mentioned when you logged on to an "apostate" site the first time...lol....I was sure a bolt of lightening was going to come down and hit me when I clicked on FreeMinds the first time!! And isn't it amazing how quickly it feels like there's no going back??? Good to have you here, hope to get to know you! bythesea