Posts by PoppyR

32

"I'm going to Tar and Feather you two"

by whyamihere in

jw
friends

i swear to god, i've gone absolutely insane!.

my kids!

will the fighting stop?

PoppyR

I have two boys 13 and 12, They fight over everything. Sometimes coming to blows. I have tried just about every trick in the book, often wanting to cry myself, because nothing makes any difference (yes single parent!)

When I re-read how to make friends and influence people I tried to think what would make them WANT to stop. And have some success with rewarding the one who was willing to stop first. I ask one of them to 'Be the better person' and if I can get one to stop responding to the other, the argument is over and I make a fuss and try and reward that one. Next time the other one wants to be the better person.

Occasionally it works!

Poppy

33

X-Wife Got Married Yesterday........Our Son is Shunned Today!

by new boy in

my wife left me 5 years ago when i left the jehovah's witnesses.

she got remarried saturday to one of "our" old jehovah's witness friends jay .

jay's wife, judy died 6 months ago of cancer.

PoppyR

I sympathise New boy.. and as many have said, most on this board have experienced this kind of double standards.

My own brother gets married in July, and I have been invited (fader) but I cannot take my other half because although I am divorced my ex is playing the martyr and it is not acknowledged to be scriptural. The family do not want to be seen as encouraging me!!

All this while I have to sit on a table with my step brother, who was raised a witness but never baptised and can attend with his live in girlfriend and children.

My initial feeling was to not attend, I am so sick of them not acknowledging my 'new' relationship. But I feel the drip drip approach is best. I love my family and the only way they will turn to me in time of doubt is if I keep contact.

Take comfort in the fact you have your children out!

Poppy

22

Come, worship a god who wants parents to stone their children to death!

by jambon1 in

no thanks.. disgusting!.

PoppyR

Years ago, my parents told me that it would be easier for them if I had died!!
Can't ya feel the love?!
shell

My mum told me she feels I have a terminal disease, she knows I'm going to die,therefore what is the point in being close to me.. So I feel your pain! All we can do is 'be the better person' and hopefully wait long enough so they may see the light, probably not, but we'll be here if and when they do. Poppy

60

Does The Memorial Mean ANYTHING To You???

by minimus in

jw
friends

just wondering.

PoppyR

This is my first ever memorial in 38 years (I'm 38!) that I'm not going to. Although I had stopped attending 6 months before last year, I still went mostly to please the family, this year I think my 'apostate' views have got around because nobody even mentioned it. I logged on here to find the date.. lol.

I keep examining my feelings to see if there is anything momentous.. but absolutely nothing, except a huge sense of relief I dont have to sit through that hypocritical crap anymore.

For those that still have faith and feel they must attend, I'm astounded you choose the JW memorial as it has nothing to do with Jesus, I'd rather be a Catholic nowadays!

Poppy

38

When is a fade finished?

by Nellie in

so i was thinking - if i don't da myself and they don't df me, am i doomed forever to this limbo called "fade?

" when do i stop worrying about "what if they find out?

" when will they (if they saw me) just think of me as someone they knew, rather than "one of their flock" - even when they know i'm inactive?

PoppyR

I can see the upside to DAing - just knowing that it's over - maybe it's a female thing - needing closure.

I hear you sister I feel I am almost there with the fade (about a year) but have still not put up Christmas lights etc. I think there is a certain freedom to the DA. Recently I thought I may be DFd, but it seems the elders have decided to let it go. I have a large extended witness family, but was almost disappointed that at last it would be OVER!

But I am very interested to read about your son.. did they believe what they had been taught, and if so how did they deal with your leaving the borg? I have boys (pre-teen) one who utterly believes the JW thing and gets upset if I try and reason with him, guess I did a really good job on him What is your experience? Or anybody elses!

Poppy

50

I Saw Some JWs Last Night & They Gave Me The Cold Shoulder Like I Was Df'd

by minimus in

jw
friends

i saw him, his wife and kids coming from a basketball game, going on the train.

he looked right at me, i said, "hi!

" and he put his eyes and head downward as if he couldn't say hello.

PoppyR

I think you're getting a hard time and I cant quite understand why Minumus! Whatever his reasons for doing so, this good JW should not have shunned you, and you were merely passing comment not getting on your high horse about it.

However I have found that of the ones that have shunned me (I am not DFed or DAd) they are usually ones who feel a great injustice. They have had ones disfellowshipped in their family or whatever and see I should be getting the same treatment. I dont really blame them, and feel as you do, I dont care much either. I just give a wry smile and carry on with what I was doing, trying to look as happy as possible while doing it.

Poppy

22

OMG - I Did It ! I Really, Really, Did It !

by Nellie in

i bought a christmas tree!!

the kids kept asking me, "are we celebrating xmas this year?

" they asked the same thing last year.

PoppyR

We kept Christmas hidden away in our bedroom

How sad is this, I have to say that's what I've done! I started off with a lovely gift of Christmas baubles shaped like shiny boots, and before you know it, I'd bought some more, some tinsel.. and eventually some twinkly lights. All of this is hidden in my bedroom and I even went outside to make sure you cant see the lights through my curtains.

Last year I was very careful of my kids feelings, this year I've decided to be more honest and put up my cards etc. And they have loved it, my oldest son came in and asked if he could 'borrow' the lights after Christmas, and wanted me to reassure him this was ok.(still going to the meetings) . My b/f laughed and said JWs the only religion where twinkly lights are up all year round and taken down for Christmas...

Congratulations on the tree, I hope to be there one year!

Poppy

24

A Painless Relationship - Possible?

by compound complex in

jw
friends

dear newest best friends,.

we spend a lot of time here - learning and helping one another out - a worldwide "brother- and sisterhood.

" quite different from what we left behind.

PoppyR

Not with another human being because they have their own views, opinions, feelings etc, and you are bound occasionally to rub each other up the wrong way. In saying that you wouldn't be without your friends would you? The world would be a sad place.

My relationship with my dog is pure pleasure, I tell him all my problems, he nods and looks wise, wags his tail, chases his ball and I instantly feel better. I think the best part is he never gives me his opinion, just pure love and devotion.

Poppy

14

Has anyone stuck with it despite all of this?

by Cass in

hi all, i know this must have already been discussed, but i'm just wondering if there is anyone here who has just kept going to meetings and the rest of it, just so that they don't lose their family?

thanks in anticipation of a response

PoppyR

Yes Cass, there are. There are even some here who have been disfellowshipped and attended meetings for a whole year afterwards to get resinstated, knowing the whole time that it's a load of crap.

Most of them find in time that the 'love' from your family sticks in your throat when it is only based on you doing what they want. You have no freedom, and they would cut you off if you strayed from the expected path. This love is NOT unconditional.

Stick with it by all means, but try and establish a net of real friends outside the org, you may need them, and they WILL be there for you.

Poppy

37

Email from the ex ... "come back"

by merfi in

jw
friends

check this out (hope you have a strong stomach .

from the ex:.

also, how are the kids handleing the holiday thing....for real....and do you really feel that is what you believe in, it just worries me......i havent said anything cuz its your choice, it is just that i wish you would come back.....move to omaha, and get into a diff congre, they would embrace you, they really would, .........heck, they embraced me after all the crap i did and fell and got back up.......i do see the good in you........ .

PoppyR

I'm actually sad for you. You've never known, and unless you're more of a thinking person that I'm aware of, you never will know, the warmth of unconditional friendships, the support of family with no strings attached and the freedom to be true to yourself.

WOW, this paragraph hit home, and the comparisons to 'The Village' which I thought were just striking.

Since leaving the cult I have never been more aware of the true love of true friends, and the false love of those I once thought were my 'forever' friends.

You dont sound like you need any reassurance, but respect!

Poppy