elliej

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Posts by elliej

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  17

  Confused...

  by millymollymandy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi, i've been lurking on here for a few days but i have a burning question that needs to be answered so i'm outing myself... .

  i'm a non-jw (non-christian, in fact) and i've been in a relationship with a jw for the last five years.

  we're both pretty young (early 20s) and he still lives at home with his devoutly jw family.

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  elliej

  I'm sure his family are nice people, just like they seem to you. The problem is that no matter how nice they are now, eventually it will come down to whether you are willing to dedicate yourself to their organization. When you take a stand that is opposite of what they want, they will probably change dramatically. To them everyone is a potential convert. Look up "love bombing" and it might start to make sense.

  You are in a dangerous position right now because, as you admit, you don't know much about the bible. That is how they catch people. Educate yourself on their arguments and how to refute them unless you want to get sucked in. Don't think it can't happen, they are very good at what they do. Good luck.
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  12

  I'm completely underwhelmed

  by RisingEagle in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i sent an email to a jw relative earlier today that showed some office supplies that go on sale starting sunday because i know they are always on the lookout to save a few bucks for their business.

  i got this reply a few minutes ago.. " ___'s father passed away wednesday.

  memorial tomorrow at __ at ___ kingdom hall.

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  elliej

  The saddest thing about this is that your jw relative probably thought he was being loving by letting you know at all.
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  13

  I need help -- What is the WT stance?

  by reneeisorym in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  i swear i remember that you can't eat with a dfed person even if they live in the same house.

  (for example, a jw husband can't eat with his dfed wife).

  did i make this up or is that the truth?.

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  elliej

  14 The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man."—1 Corinthians 5:11.

  I don't want to hijack this thread, but my family was recently at a relative's funeral and the JW's that were there followed this advice exactly. They came into a restaurant after the service and obviously did not know we would be there. Instead of just turning around and leaving, which is what they should have done IMHO, they sat down at our table (there were about 10 of us there-none JW's or ex JW's only the husband and I). Everyone ordered food except the dad, when their food came, he made his kids move to the table right next to ours. He stayed at our table, but didn't eat. That way they were not even eating with us gross sinners. What a fine witness to the rest of the family!
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  25

  Did the DFing policy make you emotionally distant?

  by Open mind in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for those who spent many years in the jw religion, what effect did the knowledge that your friends or family could instantly be "poofed" out of existence by a judicial committee have on you?

  did it cause you to withdraw emotionally?

  looking back over the decades, ( i'm a 3rd gen jw in my forties, mentally out but physically in ) i can remember consciously thinking about whether a new friend was going to be around "for the long haul".

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  elliej

  Yes, I became emotionally distant, but not because I realized that anyone I got close to could be gone in an instant. I distanced myself when I realized that even my closest friends would turn their backs on me based simply on an announcement from the podium. I watched people get disfellowshipped and observed the way that their "nearest and dearest" not only turned their backs on them but also ripped them to shreds with gossip, innuendo, and outright slander, and I realized that I didn't want or need "friends" like that. And when those people were reinstated they were accepted right back as though nothing had happened and none of those things had ever been uttered. I often wondered what the reinstated would think if they knew what their "friends" had been saying about them when they were df'd.

  Arms length was my policy and when I finally made the decision to leave it was much easier. Of course there were people in that I cared a lot about, but it was easier for me to walk away knowing that they were not real friends but conditional friends. Real friends don't turn their emotions on and off like a switch.
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  27

  need some help with letter.... this is what i got so far....help

  by thebiggestlie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  dear mom and dad,

  so you want to here from me and to know how i really feel on certain issues which is understandable.

  i mentioned before that i always felt like the black sheep, like something was wrong with me.

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  elliej

  I agree that this is a very well thought out, sincere letter that would certainly make me stop and think if my 18 year old son gave it to me. My only advice, though, is make sure that they know the pressure you feel is because you don't truly believe, not because you don't think you can "live up to your dedication" or live up to the high standards. Too many JW's think that people leave because they can't cut it, not because they have come to a rational decision.
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  72

  Pet peeve-itis. Do you have it?

  by exwitless in

  1. social
  2. humour

  at the suggestion of sweetface, i decided to make a new thread about pet peeves.

  here's a few of mine:.

  1) being invited to a baby shower or bridal shower for someone whom i have never met, just so i will bring them a gift.

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  elliej

  Doorbells. Don't ever ring my doorbell, it makes me insane. Ironic.
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  7

  a message for our witness relatives...

  by elliej in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  on the off chance one of them is perusing this board looking for ammunition, i want them to get this message loud and clear:.

  you did more damage to your cause with your disgusting behavior this last weekend than we ever could have hoped to do.

  your unparalleled hipocrisy was noticed by all.

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  elliej

  On the off chance one of them is perusing this board looking for ammunition, I want them to get this message loud and clear:

  You did more damage to your cause with your disgusting behavior this last weekend than we ever could have hoped to do. Your unparalleled hipocrisy was noticed by all. Your hopes of recruiting anyone in your family are over. Do you get that? Your cult has been exposed and you are ones who helped us expose it. You are pitied and your behavior despised by everyone. You are wrong. Thank you for your help in showing everyone in our family what a disgusting and despicable organization it is that has control over you. We appreciate it.
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  36

  Anything weird you like to eat?

  by free2beme in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was camping this weekend with some friends and around the camp fire the subject came up, "what is something weird you like to eat?

  " i thought it was a fun subject and we all had some laughs over our odd appetites.. some of mine .... i love bologna with american cheese and miracle whip (the only thing i will use miracle whip with).

  i love the taste of straight pickle juice or hot pepper juice.

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  elliej

  Grilled peanut butter and bacon sandwich. Mmmmmm. Truly spectacular.
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  27

  New Here, My Personal Story

  by johannahw in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have thought off and on about the jws for years.

  my little sister brenda converted about 30 years ago and raised two sons in the truth as she called it.

  one boy, mason, is still being raised as a jw (he is 15) and my other nephew, aaron, left the organization on his 18th birthday.

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  elliej

  I just wasn't good enough to make it as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

  You ought to let go of that feeling right away. You were smart enough to notice that something wasn't right. The Jehovah's Witnesses lure vulnerable people in by giving them false hopes, and then once they have them firmly in their grips they crush their spirit until they feel worthless. The only thing anyone can do is their best, and nobody should ever make you feel that your best isn't good enough.
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  41

  How many happy JW marriages do you know of?

  by Bonnie_Clyde in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  just reading frequent flyer miles on the subject of feeling guilty for having a happy marriage with a non-jw.. in our congregation which i haven't attended for about a year, i can only think of two or three who seem to be happy.

  of course, i don't know what happens behind closed doors, but i know of several who admit they are unhappy.

  i wrote out a long list of couples who have divorced over the last 20 years--including three elders (one is on his second divorce).

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  elliej

  I know a large handful of JW's who claim that the religion saved their marriages. They feel very triumphant about this, but I think that they are just settling for a crappy situation and then patting themselves on the back for sticking it out "for Jehovah." Maybe if they would choose their mate based on compatibility instead of works they would be happy in the first place and they wouldn't have to brag about how they stay married to someone they don't really love for the sake of their religion.