it's_me, trust me there are many, many of us that feel the same way. Personally I realized something was wrong and I was able to fade away
It was after the onset of the internet that I really found out what their history was.
If you want a good book to read try Crisis Of Conscaence by ex governing body member Ray Franz. It is very, very good an honest. Not bitter at all. You can download it as well which is great.