Welcome a dimmed light, thanks for writing your story. It was moving.
a lot of the comments about being a youth in the organization resonate with me, I'm raising kids now, one has left and the others still in but there is so much PRESSURE. To do more, be a good example, resist natural friendships with people you meet in school and force friendships with people who are waiting to judge you the moment you put a foot wrong. It's not loving...it messes kids up. I see so much stress in my daughter amd I'm heartbroken that I cause it by raising her in this crazy religion.
it was the treatment of my son when he left that started me to question things, reading jwfacts and crisis of conscience everything starts to unravel (you have to read them!) and then the oppressive guilt we carry as JWs starts to lift. What a relief!
After a couple of months of research and listening to my doubts, I'm still half in for family but I've decided we can't know 'the truth' about everything, the GB have tied themselves in knots trying to explain everything and look foolish, there's good and bad in most religions, there's wheat and weeds in all (I've certainly met good kind Christians outside the org and few nasty people within it) and all we need is Jesus teachings, not a long list of rules, hour requirements, guilt and pressure!
Enjoy life and worship the way you want to, God gave us an inner conscience for a reason, no one should be master of your faith except Christ, if God is up there he won't forget all the good you've tried to do for him and he surely appreciates that despite all of your troubles and heartache, you haven't forgotten him.