I'm kind of in a similar situation, except still married. When I finally left the religion, I made it very clear that I did not want my children further confused. My oldest remember going to a couple of meetings, but we were pretty much inactive after the birth of my second child (and the oldest was two). So transitioning the children was easy enough... except for when my in laws would try to take them to the meeting, read them the bible stories, and outright tell them that "mommy is wrong" and "Jehovah isn't happy" with the choices I am making. The outcome: the in laws were not allowed to visit or see my children for a very long time. I even went as far as informing the school, so if they tried to visit that way (which they eventually did), they would not be allowed in. Eventually, I got my point across. I strongly believe in the extended family and feel strong that children should be surrounded by lots of family. As long as my in laws respect my rules and do not cross the lines I've drawn, they are welcome to have a relationship with my children. I want them to. However, if they break my rules and cross the lines, they lose that privilege.
As for your situation, I would inform them of your standing and what your wishes are regarding your kids going to the meetings and talking about the religion. If they can respect your wishes, I would allow them to see them. Since you only have two weekends a month, I would send them one weekend every other month. Make your ex give up one of his weekends. Maybe the kids could visit on a school break. Since they're only two hours away... they could always make the trip to visit with them for the day. JMO.
bgurl81
JoinedPosts by bgurl81
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12
JW inlaw issue...need help please :)
by TinyDancer124 ini have a little dilemma.. my ex-husband and i divorced 6 years ago, when our daughter was 14 months old.
he disassociated himself almost immediately.
i stayed in for awhile, but then sort of faded away.
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bgurl81
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Were YOU Personally Afraid of The "Demons"???
by minimus in.
did you think you might "get contacted" somehow by those powerful demons?
did you avoid anything the society said was associated with demonism?.
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bgurl81
I remember very vividly feeling afraid of the demons. I had nightmares. I would run and jump to my moms bed, because I was afraid they would pull me under the bed. I would never go into the garage. I thought Three Men and a Baby had a demon in it. I freaked out on some friends (I was 12) when they put a demonic movie, because I thought I would invite the demons into my experiences. I had nightmares up until a couple of years ago, always involving being frozen, unable to move, unable to yell, and finally able to eek the name of Jehovah out, which would scare the demons away. Sometimes I would sleep with a bible next to my bed, opened to Ps. 83:18. I can go on and on. Needless to say, today, I believe it's all mental disorders and fears. I don't believe in the demons.
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For those raised as a JW...
by DisconnectingDrone inlike many i was about 7 or 8 when my parents were baptized.
being a child you naturally trust that your parents are doing the right thing and follow them.
i was baptized at 15-how often i wish i could turn back the clock!
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bgurl81
I am not angry with my parents. My parents believed in something they thought was true. I doubt they would have joined and followed if they believed it was all lies. The path I am taking spiritually, at this point, feels right to me. Whose to say that I am making the wrong decision for my children now and when they're my age, will have found a newer better truth. I hope they don't resent me for doing what I feel is right. I have no resentment or anger. I have felt frustration, confusion, grief, and hurt - but not towards my parents - for a hope that was not real.
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Knocking on the Doors of Classmates out in service
by new light incould anything have been more embarrassing?
you could be at the door of the least popular munger in school, but overwhelmed with envy because, hey, at least he was doing something normal.
in 8th grade, at the peak of childhood self-consciousness, i knocked on the door of a super popular, rich, "in" kid from my class and he answered the door.
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bgurl81
I was home schooled. The only ones within my cohort that I knew, were in my congregation and maybe a few in other congregations. I didn't know a single soul outside the religion and thought they were all evil doers anyway, so didn't care what they thought of me. My only concern was trying to save them. I did have a guy open the door in only his briefs though. At age 13, I was mortified.
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Wife sent me a newspaper article....
by oneairhead init was a little jdub kid that wrote a little essay in a local paper in the north east.
they wrote that they were not deprived of anything, the whole party line about no holidays and the like.
you know this kid did this just for the attention of his parents and the hall.
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bgurl81
I never felt deprived. Actually, I really enjoyed my early childhood when we were most active. It was my teens and early adulthood that didn't feel so good. Mostly because of how people treated one another, the judgments, the rumors, the gossips, the hypocrites, etc. In all honesty, I've been celebrating for three years now and I think I've gotten it out of my system, LOL. It's hard work keeping up with all these holidays and birthdays! Although, I admit, it is fun. Bottom line, not all of us raised in the religion do feel we were deprived. I certainly do not.
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Born in or Converted to JW? What are the stats here? and why....
by oompa incan't everyone just put this one item on their profile before posting.
it seems like most posters have no profile, but this info could help in several ways.
i am just guessing, but it seems like more here were born in.....your thoughts on this?......oompa.
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bgurl81
I was born to "worldly" parents, celebrated my first couple of Christmas' and birthdays. THEN my parents were contacted by the witnesses when I was 3. They studied, got baptized, and then rest is history. I was "raised" in the religion, but not born into it.
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My Introduction
by bgurl81 ini've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now.
for obvious reasons, i cannot reveal my identity.
although my "family" nows that i am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me.
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bgurl81
I am SO sorry about the double posting and the LONG paragraph. I actually separated my paragraphs but somehow they all merged together. I had no idea I posted twice.
Anyway. I am not all that resentful about my upbringing. Not anymore at least. I've come to have peace with my experiences and have forgiven those that hurt me. Now I am simply researching. I have concluded that I strongly disagree with their beliefs, but I still want solid facts to back up WHY I strongly disagree.
For a short while, I was studying other religions. I took a course in World's Religions and even "studied" with a non-denominational Pastor of a local Church. I made the decision that organized religion is not for me. Then I started doing more research and now I have questions as to whether or not "God" (as I have come to know him as) really exists and if the bible is even accurate. My instincts are telling very loudly, "NO!" This all happened after I read the book, "The Secret" and then many similar books thereafter. I also watched this film that referenced a book called, "The Pagan Christ" and now I am in heading in a completely different direction. It's a hard and somewhat complicating process that I am going through, but oddly enough, I am the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my whole entire life. Additionally, my relationship with my husband is the best I think it's ever been, my family is functioning better than before, I am closer to my extended family, and my friendships are stronger and more fulfilling. It's really quite amazing how making these "bad choices" (according to the religion) can bring me much more peace, happiness, joy, love, and contentment within myself, my marriage, my family, my friendships, and my life.
I am looking forward to getting to know all of you. I am trying to find some people in my area (Phoenix) but there aren't many on the meetup website (yet).
All is well.
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30
My Introduction
by bgurl81 ini've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now.
for obvious reasons, i cannot reveal my identity.
although my "family" nows that i am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me.
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bgurl81
I've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now. For obvious reasons, I cannot reveal my identity. Although my "family" nows that I am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me. I grew up as a JW and was baptized at the age of 11. Up until this point, my experience with the religion and my congregation was all good. I was very close to those in my congregation and especially the older elders. Since I didn't see my grandparents often (they were worldly), these older couples were my only grandparents. We moved out of state when I was 13 and that is when the damage started. We moved three or four congregations, trying to find the right one. Every one we went to was cold, unfriendly, judgmental, cliquish, and unwelcoming. I so badly wanted to serve Jehovah and do good... so I took up auxilary pioneering for many years. After all, I was homeschool from third grade on. Actually, after 7th grade I wasn't schooled at all. I devoted all my time to preaching, studying, and meetings. My parents then became inactive and I strived to do it on my own. I cannot tell you the comments I heard from others and things that were told to me by old pioneer sisters and elders. Things such as, I am a burden to give rides to in service and that it's my parent's responsibilities to take me to meetings and assemblies, not the others in the hall. Some of the stuck up elder's daughters started crap with me because they were leading double lives and I exposed it. Rumors were started about me... such as my losing my virginity to a pioneer brother that I liked but never dated at the age of 14! This circulated at the assembly and was found out when someone I didn't know came up and asked me if I was pregnant with so and so's baby. The one that started the rumor was dealt with, but the damage was done. Needless to say... eventually... I found myself giving up and getting into trouble at the age of 16. My savior was meeting a "GOOD" brother that was older than me. We married when I was 17. Of course, according to his family, I brought him down with me. Not long after we married, we began experiencing hard times making it to meetings and in service. We got the dirty looks, the glares, the uncomfortable questioning of "where have you been?" and the hurt feelings of our closest friends cutting off all contact with us... for being IRREGULAR! We switched halls thinking it would be better but it only got worse. After we had our second baby, it was just too emotionally straining to make meetings. We became inactive. Three years later we moved a great distance away and I thought it would be a good idea to try it again. I had just given birth to our third child and started going back to meetings, without my husband. He was too bitter. So there I was... the "SINGLE" mother of THREE coming in late and sitting in the back of the hall. The glares. The looks. The whispers. It was awful. No one came up to me afterwards. I felt like I had done something wrong. You know... getting married before I got knocked up, having three children with the same man, my husband, and trying to serve God once again. I was very wrong. Anyway... I couldn't do it anymore. At that point I gave up completely. Six months later I made the decision to "go all the way" and leave the religion. I didn't want my children to go through everything my husband and I had gone through. The low self esteem of never being good enough, always failing to meet the religions expectations, the family's expectations, the friend's expectations, etc. The confusion. The being left out of social functions because they were always holidays and birthday functions. I celebrated my child's 5th birthday and have never looked back. It has been three years. Today I am working through the issues nicely. I am very interested in religion (all religion) and spirituality. I want to find the "truth" for myself and believe what I feel is right. Unfortunately, my husband is still conflicted. He is bitter and has no interest in going back, but can't quite move beyond that. He says he still believes, but then he says he's confused. He celebrated Thanksgiving and Valentine's day, but nothing else. He smoked for years, cusses, watches rated r movies, and plays violent video games, but yet cannot bring himself to celebrate the day of his child's birth. I have backed off, allowing him to do his thing, but it's frustrating. It doesn't help that he has three generations of family, locally, that are the typical (hypocritical) devote J-Dubs. They push it and push it with him. None of my family are witnesses anymore, thank god. Anyway, I am hoping by being here I can share some frustrations, improvements, ask questions, and relate to others. It's hard to get it out when none of my friends understand... they weren't JWs. They don't understand the jargon and the confusion.... nor the damage. I am currently looking for a support group in my area. Thanx for listening.
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My Introduction
by bgurl81 ini've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now.
for obvious reasons, i cannot reveal my identity.
although my "family" nows that i am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me.
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bgurl81
I've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now. For obvious reasons, I cannot reveal my identity. Although my "family" nows that I am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me. I grew up as a JW and was baptized at the age of 11. Up until this point, my experience with the religion and my congregation was all good. I was very close to those in my congregation and especially the older elders. Since I didn't see my grandparents often (they were worldly), these older couples were my only grandparents. We moved out of state when I was 13 and that is when the damage started. We moved three or four congregations, trying to find the right one. Every one we went to was cold, unfriendly, judgmental, cliquish, and unwelcoming. I so badly wanted to serve Jehovah and do good... so I took up auxilary pioneering for many years. After all, I was homeschool from third grade on. Actually, after 7th grade I wasn't schooled at all. I devoted all my time to preaching, studying, and meetings. My parents then became inactive and I strived to do it on my own. I cannot tell you the comments I heard from others and things that were told to me by old pioneer sisters and elders. Things such as, I am a burden to give rides to in service and that it's my parent's responsibilities to take me to meetings and assemblies, not the others in the hall. Some of the stuck up elder's daughters started crap with me because they were leading double lives and I exposed it. Rumors were started about me... such as my losing my virginity to a pioneer brother that I liked but never dated at the age of 14! This circulated at the assembly and was found out when someone I didn't know came up and asked me if I was pregnant with so and so's baby. The one that started the rumor was dealt with, but the damage was done. Needless to say... eventually... I found myself giving up and getting into trouble at the age of 16. My savior was meeting a "GOOD" brother that was older than me. We married when I was 17. Of course, according to his family, I brought him down with me. Not long after we married, we began experiencing hard times making it to meetings and in service. We got the dirty looks, the glares, the uncomfortable questioning of "where have you been?" and the hurt feelings of our closest friends cutting off all contact with us... for being IRREGULAR! We switched halls thinking it would be better but it only got worse. After we had our second baby, it was just too emotionally straining to make meetings. We became inactive. Three years later we moved a great distance away and I thought it would be a good idea to try it again. I had just given birth to our third child and started going back to meetings, without my husband. He was too bitter. So there I was... the "SINGLE" mother of THREE coming in late and sitting in the back of the hall. The glares. The looks. The whispers. It was awful. No one came up to me afterwards. I felt like I had done something wrong. You know... getting married before I got knocked up, having three children with the same man, my husband, and trying to serve God once again. I was very wrong. Anyway... I couldn't do it anymore. At that point I gave up completely. Six months later I made the decision to "go all the way" and leave the religion. I didn't want my children to go through everything my husband and I had gone through. The low self esteem of never being good enough, always failing to meet the religions expectations, the family's expectations, the friend's expectations, etc. The confusion. The being left out of social functions because they were always holidays and birthday functions. I celebrated my child's 5th birthday and have never looked back. It has been three years. Today I am working through the issues nicely. I am very interested in religion (all religion) and spirituality. I want to find the "truth" for myself and believe what I feel is right. Unfortunately, my husband is still conflicted. He is bitter and has no interest in going back, but can't quite move beyond that. He says he still believes, but then he says he's confused. He celebrated Thanksgiving and Valentine's day, but nothing else. He smoked for years, cusses, watches rated r movies, and plays violent video games, but yet cannot bring himself to celebrate the day of his child's birth. I have backed off, allowing him to do his thing, but it's frustrating. It doesn't help that he has three generations of family, locally, that are the typical (hypocritical) devote J-Dubs. They push it and push it with him. None of my family are witnesses anymore, thank god. Anyway, I am hoping by being here I can share some frustrations, improvements, ask questions, and relate to others. It's hard to get it out when none of my friends understand... they weren't JWs. They don't understand the jargon and the confusion.... nor the damage. I am currently looking for a support group in my area. Thanx for listening.