Posts by happytobefree

19

After leaving the WTS have you been left with a phobia about being happy?

by Xanthippe in

after reading flipper's thread about steve hassan's latest book it got me thinking about the stuff on phobias he mentions.

apparently cults deliberately instill phobias in you to cut you off from the real world.. we were constantly being told if we were struggling it showed we were doing everything right because the devil only persecutes those that are doing well.

if i ever said to anyone i am thinking of taking up a hobby or doing some exercise or (very rarely) planning a holiday they were instantly critical.

happytobefree

Xanthippe...I can totally relate. My father use to wake us up every day at 5:00 a.m. to study Watchtower crap and I think he said this everyday after the study and when we were either preparing for school, field service or going to the KH. You can never be successful without Jehovah.

I'm 44 years old...never was a strong witness and have been totally out for 12 years...but that crap still plays in my head. I've had years of therapy, very active social life, very successful in my love life, business and have a wonderful family (JW and nonJW). But I have that freaking phrase in the back of my head.

....but I really believe Happy is a state of mind. You can teach yourself how to be happy. It just take practice. Start with somethings that you enjoy and make a point of doing something everyday.

68

need to talk/vent. wifey wt problems

by unstopableravens in

my wife ask me if im going to make up the assmebly, i reminder her that i in clean conscience can not go anymore,as soon as the word anymore came out the tears started flooding.

it hurts me to see her like this.

i talked to her calm trying to explain why i cant worship with doctrine that is so clearly wrong.

happytobefree

i truly understand how she feels,happy to be free

...if you understand how she feels...why is she so hurt/upset? then you are basically saying I purposely hurting her....

,you asked if she showed me because shes asked me,if that was the case i would like to think i would have honestly acted like i did when i seen ttatt

...you think (but you don't know)...so instead think how you would feel as an elder if a JW came to you with such thoughts and you are in full JW mode thinking

. i do not like being lied to,she needs to see that see deserves to have truth. i dont want my son to be lied to as well,aww i just wish we could get pass this before hes to much older!

...how is not discussing something that is very hurtful to your wife lying. And really what is truth....as I said before your perspective is going to change many times (so your truth changes). I have been officially out the JW Org for 12 years and everyday I learn something new...I have gone from a humanist/agnostic...close to athiests and now I'm in between Agnostic/Christian. So if I had argued that I have the truth (which I did at times and it has cost me dearly) or continued I would have alienated alot of dear family and friends.

As someone that ruined a good marriage, because of my crazy JW thinking (arrogance) and I lost my husband after I knew ttatt. It was because then I had to tell everyone ttatt, then I wanted him to adapt to everyone of my new thoughts, budism, athiest, etc. and it was too much for him. When he handed me divorce papers and walked out the door for the last time. He said to me, I don't even know who you are anymore. At the time I did not know what he meant, because honestly I thought and was a better person. But he was right from his perspective...I really was not the same person that he married.

Also from most of the posters who lost the battles with their spouses...I have been reading and talking to exJW and spouses of exJW. And I find when there are issues. It's because both sides want to be right. But marriage/relationships should be equal...both can be right for themselves. I really believe you have NO RIGHT to tell an adult what is right for them...and if you are in a loving relationship, you should be supportive of their choices or at the least respectful.

Currently I'm in a committed relationship with a awesome man that is 16 years older than me. He was in a 30 years marriage and I was in a 15 year marriage. What I love about our relationship is that we both know that you cannot change anyone...you have to love them just the way they are. When he doing something that just annoys the hell out of me, sometimes I will tell him how it annoys me and move on...but most times I just laugh and say that's my baby and move on. When I have one of my crazy unconventional thoughts, rants....He usually just say "REALLY"? and move on.

...so as one posted stated...if you want to talk about religion, your feeling about the JW org...talk to a therapist, vent on forums, do some research...but if you continue in your talks with your wife before she is ready (or if she will ever be ready to leave the JW)...you may very well lose your marriage or have a very unhappy one.

you really need to pick your battles and this is not being untruthful. This is showing some restraint and LOVE for your family.

68

need to talk/vent. wifey wt problems

by unstopableravens in

my wife ask me if im going to make up the assmebly, i reminder her that i in clean conscience can not go anymore,as soon as the word anymore came out the tears started flooding.

it hurts me to see her like this.

i talked to her calm trying to explain why i cant worship with doctrine that is so clearly wrong.

happytobefree

Unstopableraven

When she ask you if you were going to make up the assembly. Why couldn't you have just said NO!! I don't plan on making them up. And if she ask why...just say i do not want to attend the assembly.

You are doing exactly what your wife is doing...trying to be right. Show her some respect...she is not ready to hear all of that anti Jehovah stuff.

Put yourself in her shoes...what if she found out ttatt first...would you want to hear all of that.

I really understand why she is crying. It was hard for me finding out ttatt and I was married to an unbeliever. But I can't even imagine if my elder husband was talking like you. You really need to take it slow...she keep telling you this. But you keep pushing. You are still in JW think...it's not your right to tell everyone your beliefs. Even if she press, just avoid the subject. Right now she just need to feel loved and secure. No JW arrogance. No one has the absolute Truth...believe me and you...you will continue to grow...and you do not know where you will end up.

98

Anyone know of any effective but simple diets/diet tips? Weight gain after giving up smoking!

by Lozhasleft in

jw
friends

i'm really struggling with this.

i gave up smoking a few months back and have put on around 20lbs already.

i've gone up another dress size and i wasn't slim to begin with!

happytobefree

Read the book , Eat to Live by Joel Furhman. This is a great way to lose alot of weight and help with many health issues. I've been adopting most of the methods in the book and have lost 15 lbs (5 weeks) and lowered by blood pressure significantly.

He is actually on Dr. Oz today...check it out if you can.

63

JW played me and broke my heart

by new22day in

jw
friends

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happytobefree

New22day, he is/was a JW...but this does not excuse his horrible behavior. I don't have a love fest for JW's but most are good people.

and may I ask why are you changing your phone number and giving him the power. I would definitely let him know if he texted or called me again...I will definitely contact the Elders and send them copies of the text. You sound like a wonderful person...put on your little black dress and get back out there and find a Good Man and not a little boy.

This is not a JW character flaw...he is just not a GOOD person period. And he did not love or care about you at all. I've know some JW who have dated outside of the organization and even married...but have been great spouses without hiding their mates. Yes they received the side eye...but they still acknowledged their mate. I for one married outside of the JW, I was not fully accepted...but I would be damn if I would allow them to mistreat my husband (ex now). Actually when he would come to the KH..they treated him very well.

Jnat...you really love your husband...he really wanted you to sit somewhere else. You must really really love him...because there is no way in hades. It made me upset just reading this. Wow!!!!

46

I Still Can't Celebrate Xmas. Can You? Christians vs Atheists

by Malsonilla in

while in the organization we learned one bit of truth regarding christmas; that it was originally a pagan observance, the summer solstice, adopted by christians much later in church history, and has nothing to do with jesus christ whatsoever.

no biggy for most true believers who left the organization who have slipped into (or fell back into) the grind of commercialized christmas with all the trappings and traditions of ritual binge spending that takes them even farther away from jesus than christmas' pagan roots ever could.

these true believers might say something like, "i know xmas has its roots in paganism, but we celebrate anyway because of x y z", perhaps echoing or paroting the frustrating responses we use to hear from "worldly" goats/folks when we would explain to them how christmas is not a christian observance whatsoever.

happytobefree

Christmas is Love!!!! Family, food, gifts, giving, friends, great shopping, wonderful parties. Reflecting on the year and anticipating the new year. It's wonderful church services.

Christmas is AWESOME!!!!

70

Reaching Loved Ones Stuck in a Cult: An Idea for Discussion

by 00DAD in

you may have heard the expression: "the map is not the territory.

" have you ever thought about how this idea may help you reach your loved ones stuck in a cult?

the phrase has been attributed to polish-american scientist and philosopher alfred korzybski.

happytobefree

Disclaimer...I posted recently under the handle featherimiss (created a new account...because I could not remember my old account)..anyhow...I remember my password to happytobefree...so I will use this name.

Moshe stated:

The only human being whose opinion you can change is your own. A person has the right to believe in a weird religious dogma and to foolishly waste their life peddling WT literature. If you can stop wondering how you can get stubborn JWs to think like ex-JWs do, the happier you will be.

It reminds me of the opening line of M. Scott Peck book The Road Less Traveled... "Life is difficult." Once you accept that, it becomes a lot easier!

When my eyes were opened to the WTBS...I thought it was my mission to help the others out. When in essence the only person on the face of the earth am I responsible for is MYSELF. Most are adults who have chosen the religion. And the best way to help children to be free is to live an AWESOME Life. They are looking for you to be the depraved immoral apostate loser.

So when I started thinking about how much life I needed to catch up on living...I forgot about the JW's. But guess what they didn't forget about me..I from a small area...so they would hear about my accomplishments, even read a few in the local newspaper. Then my sisters started asking me questions about my activites...simple things like the jewelry making class, the exercise class, taking college courses. So they started doing some of the innocent activities...and then their minds opened up. Now the JW continue to read and see the great accoplishments of my children, neices and nephews who have left the organization. And this has been the best way to get others to at least feel comfortable to speak with you and this is when you can put subtle messages to them. My nephew was just elected President of the Student Council...my sister said she was so shocked that my elder father called to congratulate him on this great accomplishment.

...so I really believe the best Witness...Is to live a great.

I don't remember what movie this quote is from...But it say get busy living or you can get busy dying.

29

Do you ever feel secure?

by flower in

jw
friends

today i had a thought and it sickened me to think it.

i thought to myself 'it is possible that satan has blinded all of us and led us away.

so i started to list the reasons why i know that the truth is a lie.

happytobefree

Flower,

I once thought just as you. Mainly because my father keep saying this to me, Do you want you children to be destroyed, because you choose not to worship Jehovah? I use to think long and hard about this. And my conclusion is- If God (I'm a agnostic)really love me, he wants me happy. And going to the KH and practicing the JW faith sure has not brought me ANY HAPPINESS.

And being that I believe there is no way possible that there is any hell or tormenting of any kind. So my conclusion is, if I am wrong - then I will just die and not exist anymore. But while I'm living - I will be happy and content by practicing my belief of love.

29

Do you ever feel secure?

by flower in

jw
friends

today i had a thought and it sickened me to think it.

i thought to myself 'it is possible that satan has blinded all of us and led us away.

so i started to list the reasons why i know that the truth is a lie.

happytobefree

Flower,

I once thought just as you. Mainly because my father keep saying this to me, Do you want you children to be destroyed, because you choose not to worship Jehovah? I use to think long and hard about this. And my conclusion is- If God (I'm a agnostic)really love me, he wants me happy. And going to the KH and practicing the JW faith sure has not brought me ANY HAPPINESS.

And being that I believe there is no way possible that there is any hell or tormenting of any kind. So my conclusion is, if I am wrong - then I will just die and not exist anymore. But while I'm living - I will be happy and content by practicing my belief of love.

13

This Is Weird.....

by Englishman in

jw
friends

it's really weird that so many people have left this board because they claim it was a manipulative and inflammatory place to be.. now it's all great posts, good content and no quarreling here at jw-d. there's something here that i can't quite get my head around, hmmm, i wonder what i'm missing........?.

englishman..

happytobefree

This new atmosphere reminds me when I first started reading this site. Very light discussions, but refreshing. There was a couple of JW who would help keep the conversations going, but never derogatory. There was guy name Xandit (sp), Drivelikejehu and MDS, those are the JW I remember.

Ok back to the present (walking down memory lane). Well my point is, I really enjoy the board and I hope we continue these upbuilding discussions (lol, a little JW terminology).