Posts by ABibleStudent

19

Mom is coming over tomorrow. What should I ask?

by Faithful Witness in

my mother is visiting us again tomorrow, only 5 weeks since her last visit.

things seem to be going pretty well with her, and the kids are enjoying having grandma back in our routine.

she is retiring at the end of may (age 65), so she promises that this is going to mean more time with family.

ABibleStudent

Hi Faithful Witness, You did great!!

You may have a plan for your Mom's visits, but the most important things are to listen to what your mother is saying/trying to say, to ask your Mom simple questions, to pause and let your Mom think about what she just said, and to either ask your Mom what she meant or to get her to repeat something that she just said that sounds strange to her. Your mother has doubts and fewer friends at her KH, which is good news to help her ctrically think for herself.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

47

Hi Guys, I'm new here...

by Mikado in

jw
friends

been lurking for years, but couldn't log on.

for some reason, my email spam filter is inaccessable, and ended up having to open another account, simply to become a member... wonder how many others have had a similar problem.. its been an eye opener reading everyones life experiences, often so similar.. i was almost a born in, with a hardcore family.

abusive stepfather who was one of the original jws in the area, so much so, that it was called the xxxxx family religion.... been out for 25 years, am glad every day for that!!.

ABibleStudent

Welcome Mikado, I'm glad that you have enjoyed 25-years of life free from the WTBTS. Have any other membes of your JW family faded or are less active?

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

12

Using Disgust

by jgnat in

another poster saw a flash of ...disgust.... from a loved-one, and pondered the implications.

good catch.

disgust is an interesting emotion and it is linked to all sorts of behavior.

ABibleStudent

When a look of disgust flashes across a loved ones face, how about asking, "Did I do/say something that bothers you?" When they say that its nothing, ask, "Are you sure? I love you very much and I feel that we should be open and honest with each other so that small issues do not become huge problems that seem impossible to solve."

Once a loved one says what is the issue, ask simple questions to learn why, express empathy for their feelings, validation for their feelings, and asking them how they would feel if they were you. The most important thing to remember is to remain loving (i.e., control feelings of anger, frustration, betrail, etc) and compassion. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. wrote "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" which provides more details and examples of how to improve communication with couples.

If a spouse of a JW can figure out how to communicate with a JW's authentic persona, I feel that books by Steve Hassan, Harville Hendrix, and John Grey can help a critically thinking JWs to help a JW loved one's authentic persona to critically think and become stronger.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

22

My fading files volume III

by Jon Preston in

well its been a while since my doubts were first realized.

ive been through hell mentally, but no where near what some on this site and those lurking have been through.

i got lucky, if you believe in that sort of thing.

ABibleStudent

Thanks for sharing Jon Preston. It is amazing how wonderful, exciting, and simple the world is when seeing it through the perspective of a child. I sometimes wonder if adults think too much.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

4

Feeling very frustrated.

by Crazyguy in

i thought i could go back to the hall to be in and to point out things to wake up my children but i can't seem to go to much bs and going seems as though i'm telling my kids i agree, yet at the same time i feel helpless.

wife is completely in and she goes to a very good hall as friendlyness goes.

most my kids still not teenager's but feel as if i'm going to loose them to this cult.

ABibleStudent

Hi Crazyguy, Would you remain under the radar if you encouraged your children to go to college and to make more non-JW friends? Would overcoming thought-stopping platitudes when your children or wife use them get you into trouble? Be patient and ask simple questions like Billy the Ex-Bethelite did in the thread exJW Psychology 102--How to Ask a Question When Questions Aren't Allowed to plant one seed at a time. You never know what will work for your children and your wife.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

12

My Simple Advice

by minimus in

jw
friends

live your life to the fullest and try to put the past behind you..

ABibleStudent

Good advice minimus Controlling one's actions and feelings is difficult and takes practise, but is not impossible to achieve. Controlling another's actions and feelings towards you are more difficult.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

19

Mom is coming over tomorrow. What should I ask?

by Faithful Witness in

my mother is visiting us again tomorrow, only 5 weeks since her last visit.

things seem to be going pretty well with her, and the kids are enjoying having grandma back in our routine.

she is retiring at the end of may (age 65), so she promises that this is going to mean more time with family.

ABibleStudent

Hi Faithful Witness, I feel that your ideas about focusing on rebuilding your relationship with your mother, pledging donations, and that your BS with Miss K is raising more questions than answering are excellant ideas. You're doing a fantastic job of trying to help your mother critically think for herself.

The only ideas that I can add to what you wrote and that might be helpful to you are what I have already written. Be prepared to

Overcome thought-stopping platitudes that your mother may use (or at least take note of them to overcome them later),
Ask simple questions like Billy the Ex-Bethelite wrote about in exJW Psychology 102--How to Ask a Question When Questions Aren't Allowed,
Practise/learn how to turn off your mother's cult personal,
Help your mother's authentic persona become stronger by helping your mother get plenty of rest, eat well, get some excercise, make happy and fun new memories with her, and help your mother remember how she was (i.e., her wit) before she became a JW.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

20

Meeting with an Elder and his wife

by Abe Ostate in

i'm a non-witness who is doing research on jehovah's witnesses (and has been for several years).

i just got out of a meeting with an elder and his wife.

i'm still somewhat stupefied.

ABibleStudent

Hi Abe Ostate, During your research, have you visited reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com and www.freedomofmind.com?

The elder and his wife were trying to recruit you into the WTBTS. The WTBTS teaches JWs how to confuse and indoctrinate potential recruits using BITE control techniques, thought-stopping platititudes (i.e. "Where will I go"), and unhealthy conversations. If you would like to learn more about BITE control and unhealthy conversations, please watch the short videos The BITE Model (Behavior Information Thought Emotion) (5:03) and How Big is the Phenomenon of Undue Influence? (2:01) by Steve Hassan, a reputable and recognized cult expert.

Once you except that the WTBTS is a dangerous cult, everything makes sense about JWs and how they behave.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

26

Who are the Players in the Ukraine crisis

by designs in

interesting shout down occured in eastern ukraine between two factions of the christian orthodox following a deadly shoot out.. ukrainian orhtodox leader patriarch filerat condemned putin and company as being against god's will while pro russia patriarch kirill spoke of the west trying to destroy holy russia.. like the syrian war there are multiple players adn complex agendas.

how do you see the political landscape changing depending on who prevails..

ABibleStudent

I would like to learn more about how average Ukrainians and Russians feel about the crisis in Ukraine. The American news media seems to only provide snippets of rhetoric from polliticians. Does international news media do more indepth reporting of how average Ukrianians and Russians feel about this crisis.

I do feel that Putin has aspirations of increasing his influence over neighboring countries and Russions, as well as hiding problems within Russia. How do Russians feel about the trail of Alexey Navalny, a vocal critic of Putin, for corruption? How do average Russians feel about their news choices within Russia?

Lots of questions: no answers.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

28

The Governing Body told two Elders to call !!!!

by Phizzy in

a friend from the other end of the country just 'phoned and told me that a couple of days ago two elders knocked on his door.

he has been out for four or more years.. they told him it was c.o's visit, and the governing body have asked them to call on those whom they no longer see at the k.hall.. i guess this is an easier "field" than knocking on doors that never open, or where they are told "not interested".. my friend bill though, was not such an easy call.

apparently he managed to get in about 1914 being rubbish, the bible not being the word of god, because we cannot trust it, 1919 being rubbish as to the choosing of the fds and several other telling points.. i liked particularly that he said to them they were rather hypocritical asking householders to examine their faith, when jw's were simply not allowed to !.

ABibleStudent

leaving_quietly - This is a new program for the C.O. visit... call on all the inactive ones in the congregation. This will happen now twice a year.

Why would the GB want to put over-worked elders into situations where they would be exposed to people like Bill? It seems like a Lose-Lose situation for elders. If the WTBTS is having a hard time keeping elders, I feel that this will only discourage more JWs from serving as elders.

People who want to quietly fade will probably keep the meeting brief by saying, "I'm busy. Thank you for your concern, and I will call you when I need your advice. Please call me and obtain my permission before dropping by unannounced."

Other people might ask elders questions like, "Why do you feel that "imperfect men" of the GB have the truth, when they discourage JWs from critically thinking for themselves? Please do not drop by again until after you can disprove anything on www.jwfacts.com. And, obtain my permission to visit by calling me first."

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert