I have been having some pretty irrational thoughts lately.
Its only been 3 months since we decided it is not the "truth". But sometimes I think we (my family) would have been better off if we had stayed inactive witnesses. The strain affects the whole family.
Sometimes it feels like my whole world has fallen apart. I had all the answers when I was a witness. I could answer any question you put to me with a logical and reasoning answer. It amazes me how convinced I was of the beliefs I had. Anyone who couldn't see our reasoning was "thick".
Now I realise "I" have no answers. I have no idea where we came from, how everything got here, why I'm here, what happens when we die, is there a God of some sort or not, the bible which I believed so much at one stage is now in my opinion mostly myths. And so much more.
I have no idea about anything anymore. Some days I feel like I have absolutely no beliefs at all. Other days I feel like I have figured some of it out. And sometimes it's more than I can bear. I feel like my journey is not going anywhere at a rapid pace.
And then I have other days when I feel great.
Many times I feel like "ignorance is bliss". Even if wrong at least I had some beliefs as a witness.
Its definitely taking its toll.
I could say so much more. But whats the point. I'm sure so many of you have had the same feelings at some stage.
BEW
Just rambling