Posts by LyinEyes

4

switching the resentment

by Atillathejew in

for years i was in a state of depression that was so intense i attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal meth.

i blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org.

you can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times.

Really you don't sound so different from alot of us on this board. Leaving the JW"S especially after being raised in it is extreamly difficult I have only been out a year after being raised in it. I have been thru every imaginable emotion and many at the same time. You sound like you will be just fine. I know I am crazy,,,lol I embrace that I am different because of my childhood and I can even laugh about some of it now. I can tell you leaving the religion you were raised in is very similar to a death. It really is in away, a death of your old life, your belief, trust and faith. So you would understand if you lost a loved on in death how you would feel, all the many steps of grieving and you know it takes years to adjust and you never get over it. That is just the way I feel, when I lost my religion I felt even a part of me died. There is still a void there, I just am hopeful that one day, I will fill it. If not , I intend on making the most of my days I have here on earth.

I am no expert , everyone deals with things differently, but I like to share how I feel because I know others sharing their expericence helped me. It helped me to see that others felt just like I did, confused and just wanting to vent. So please tell how you feel, you will find it really helps and you will in a year from now, look back and see how far you have come.

And the amount of time it takes to get adjust varies from person to person and circumstances they where in. Just to help you understand where I am coming from and why I say this, my mom died 16 yrs ago, and I am still adjusting to her absence. I will never get over her death , and I will never stop missing her. Some days are good and some days I fall apart....... and from my many friends here they say that is ok, and they don't mind hearing me vent, cry , laugh or whatever crazy mood I may be in at the moment. Wishing you comfort and happiness,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Dede

13

Halloween........

by happy2b in

jw
friends

i just started posting and have really enjoyed it!

i know i gave the title as halloween.

well, it's because halloween is 64 days away.

LyinEyes

I am seriously LMAO LB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that was way too funny,,,I have done some similar things to my kids,,, but one question, while the son was dancing in the mirror, who did you keep from busting up laughing? I bet it was hard to keep quiet and wait for the right moment!!!!!!!! LOL

4

switching the resentment

by Atillathejew in

for years i was in a state of depression that was so intense i attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal meth.

i blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org.

you can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times.

LyinEyes

If your mother loves you, if she calls you, if she tries to be part of your life, forgive her. She was brainwashed as much as any of us were. She did what she thought was right and you helped her to have a new life. What a gift you gave her, I am sure she is happy and free. Let her be happy and free, join her.......I am just saying, I am a little jealous that I didnt get that chance with my mom. I am sorry you are having trouble adjusting and she is going on about her life. But really we all have to take control of our own happiness. And I bet if you looked very deeply into how you mother feels you will no doubt find that she does feel guilty. I feel guilty for being a JW so long and my 15 yr old son missing out on so much. I can never make up for that, I can never have him his 1 yr old birthday party , that passed and we missed out on it. He understands and forgives me, we talk openly about how we all were brainwashed, I was raised JW and knew no other way. But I am doing my best to make it up to him now,,,,,,,,,,, let your mom make it up to you if she wants to. But you have to really let her talk, and you talk to her. Life is too short to let the past cloud a wonderful and happy life you two can share. Sorry dont mean to sound preachy,,,,,,,,, I am not like that at all....... I just don't want it to be too late for you to make peace with your mom. I also know that somethings just can not be fixed,,,,,,, but you never know until you try.

4

Something to brighten your day.....

by Lost Diamond in

jw
friends

a friend emailed this to me at work and i wanted to share it....hope you enjoy it as much as i did.. .

lisa beamer on good morning america- .

> if you remember, she's the wife of todd beamer who said 'let's .

LyinEyes

I oftened wondered if others looked at things the way I did, I mean in great detail. I think sometimes when we have such a lose or tragedies in our lives it does make us want to hold on to what is beauty in everyday life. Today I looked out the window and saw many leaves all over the lawn. I have to say, that this is a hard time of the year for me,,,,, my mom loved the fall, and it will soon be here and she will not, this has happened every year for 16 yrs since she passed. But after I read this, I went out and picked up one of the leaves and instead of thinking about this time of the year and the falling leaves reminding me of her death, I thought of how she loved those leaves. Life is way too short that is for sure, if she were here with me now , she would be loving those leaves.

13

Halloween........

by happy2b in

jw
friends

i just started posting and have really enjoyed it!

i know i gave the title as halloween.

well, it's because halloween is 64 days away.

LyinEyes

God, LB, that picture in my mind of your halloween almost made me cry. I guess because I just read jwbot's thread of missing her family, and I am grateful we will be able to have some holidays before my oldest has moved out and on his own. It sounds so wonderful that families can be that close and have such fun, I never knew anything like that growing up, so I plan to go overboard all the rest of this year at least.. Wild Turkey and I want to do something to really scare the heck out of our little demons, they are really not phased by much... so we really want to get them good. Thanks for sharing your experience,,,,,,,, I can see it so clearly and almost hear the laughter of your family.You tell a good story LB, I like to read lots of details, it helps to really envision it in your mind.

13

Halloween........

by happy2b in

jw
friends

i just started posting and have really enjoyed it!

i know i gave the title as halloween.

well, it's because halloween is 64 days away.

LyinEyes

Nice to have you here.
My kids are looking forward to celebrating halloween for the first time this year. My kids are a little morbid, they love horror movies and want to dress up gory...... we shall see how far I will let them go. My oldest son is 15 and is planning some pranks with his friends. I have to tell him he can't get into trouble ,, some kids love to use halloween to do things they shouldnt!! LOL I have enjoyed celebrating my daughters birthday for the first time she was 8 last march, and it was a blast.My youngest son will have a birthday in a few weeks, so I need to start planning.

33

ghosts

by freedom96 in

jw
friends

not to get too deep of a "scary" subject, but wanted to hear opinions out there.. when taught at the kh, we were always told there is no such things as ghosts, but if there were one it was a demon.

i want to use that as an example to how dogmatic they are about so many things, that if they say it to be one way, then that is the truth period.. as it turns out, growing up, we had a ghost in our house.

don't laugh, it is true.

LyinEyes

Here is a thought: If the dark side, demons, etc. or whatever JW's call them, can be summoned by just calling to them,why are they so ready to make themselves known?

Why is it we can call on God, Jesus, Angels, any good force and they don't make their presence known as easily? I know in Bible times, they appeared, if you believe the bible, and you hear of others seeing angels. But What I am talking about is actually summoning them, angels for help, or God to make you believe in him?

I have tried to really believe in God , but it seems like no one is there. I fully can believe it is my state of mind right now just coming out of a cult, and my trust is broken. But I just can't feel His presense, I am not saying it is not there , or He is not real. I just don't feel it.

I don't feel any dark side, or any spirits either. I feel really void, so you can see why I want to find out. It is not really an obsession to find out, I am just curious and feel free now to explore.

I can tell you one thing, since leaving the borg,,,,,,,,, I feel some kind of peace regarding my mother.She committed suicide 16 yrs ago and I have felt every feeling under the sun about her. But this last year, I feel like I have a different relationship with her, like she and I understand each other now. I guess that could be my age, I am exactly the same age this month that she was when she died. Maybe I have come to terms with things I couldnt understand about her when I was younger.

But it would be nice to think she is in heaven , giving me a feeling of peace . I seem to deny that to be true. But regardless I feel so much presense of her , and I can't explain it.

33

ghosts

by freedom96 in

jw
friends

not to get too deep of a "scary" subject, but wanted to hear opinions out there.. when taught at the kh, we were always told there is no such things as ghosts, but if there were one it was a demon.

i want to use that as an example to how dogmatic they are about so many things, that if they say it to be one way, then that is the truth period.. as it turns out, growing up, we had a ghost in our house.

don't laugh, it is true.

LyinEyes

I looked at the pic ,Robdar and I have no clue myself.

I don't know what I beleive , but I have spoken to other ex jw's who are like me , even wanting to seek out the afterlife, or something.

I feel if I can prove there are spirits of some form, some kind, demon or not, then maybe I can convince myself there is a God too.

I guess since leaving JW I have lost my trust in eveything I thought to be true. There is a void. I am not afraid to seek it out anymore, if there is something out there, I feel I have the freedom to decide if it is truly evil or not. God, I sound like Eve huh??? Will this be my down fall, not listening to what the bible tells me to do? Right now I don't care , I don't believe in the Bible right now either. A good dose of seeing and really feeling a spirit would make me a beleiver again.

I had an experience once that I still can't explain. My hubby remembers it to and was witness to this. We were dating, and sitting in the dark talking, my mom was in rehab and out of the house . My dad was at work, my little sister was washing her hair.

In the place we were sitting was like a game room, with big windows that you could see out of very good , and there you could see anyone drivng up to our property, you could hear them go over our cattle guard too.

Well, we were talking , and we both heard the back door unlock and open, we both jumped up because it startled us. I heard my dad , say, " Dede, where is everyone at?" By the time I got the few feet to where the back door was, there was nothing,,,,,,,,,,,,, the door was still locked. He was not there. I swear I heard the door open and him speaking, I went out side to look,,,,,,,,,,, nothing, I went to check on my sister, she was bent over washing hair, and didnt even hear me because of the water running.

Funny thing is Denny, heard the door open, I heard the door and the voice, he didnt hear the voice. But it was my dad's voice. There is no way I will ever beleive I was mistaken, or my mind was playing tricks on me. It happened as did many other things in that house. Later , my mom told me things after I married that happened to her. I guesss we all just attributed it to demons, because that is what we were told would happen when you sin..... and sin is going on in the house. LOL,,not funny I know, but all of us were seriously sinning in JW"S view, in one way or another.

Now , I don't know if it could have been demons, or something eles. Why would this be happening?I dont think it was a friendly ghost , I can't even say it was a spirit..maybe there is some scientific explanation......... who knows maybe time ran ahead of itself and we were in a time warp. LOL

Right now I guess I beleive anything is possible. I just wish I could experience something.Maybe I will.................

28

You may fall asleep,

by Tinkerbell4125 in

jw
friends

.

but i finally posted my bio, if anyone wants to read it.

tink =:o)edited by - tinkerbell4125 on 27 august 2002 17:39:36.

LyinEyes

Dearest Tinkerbell, thanks for putting up your story. As you probably remember we have some things in common , especially about our families. It is very hard to lose a parent to suicide, my mom killed herself when I was 18 and I still don't understand all the details surrounding her death. I think it is something that you never get over , you just put it in the back of your mind when it comes creeping out. I think since I left the JW's a year ago, the hurt my mom went thru being a JW and then being D/f has been like a wound reopening for me. It helps to come here and talk about it, and to hear others who have been thru the same thing. It is sad that you had to go thru what all you did, I wish I could have a day to sit and talk , and maybe laugh together. I find that I am laughing alot again, and find so much happiness in the little things in life. Who knows maybe I will make my way up to visit you someday. You do live in a beautiful part of the country, we have relatives that are in the kentucky area, and I have been to parts of Tenn. Maybe I will get to meet you and hub at an apostofest. They are alot of fun and right away you feel a bond with everyone.... it is such a great feeling to not be alone. Again, thanks for sharing your story,and I hope everyday brings you more happiness.

Love and Hugs,

Dede

27

Adult Children of Alcoholics

by Ray Skyhorse in

jw
friends

how do witnesses view aa meetings and aca meetings?

are they ok with the 12 steps?

the reason i am asking is because i think it might be beneficial for my jw-wife to attend some aca meetings but i'm unsure of how "anti-aa" the witnesses are.. also, if anyone care to make any comments re aca meetings, i'm all ears.

LyinEyes

I went to an AA meeting once, to deal with issues of being an adult child of an drug abuser. The way I was told was alcohol, drugs, and prescription drug abuse, as in my mom's case are the same things. It is just each person picks their own vice.

The people at the AA meeting held hands and even said the Lord's Prayer, and thru it all they talked about God, and how he helped them overcome their problems etc. I live in the bible belt and everyone always talks about God in everything they say.

I just didnt like this particular group of people , but can see how it could help some. I felt uncomfortable. I found out there were a couple of the doctors from our small littletown who were alcoholics. One doctor has left town I heard, after being pulled over for DUI and drug abuse at least 4 times in this last year. I guess some folks don't or cant change, I don't really understand it all..