Posts by Mum

47

Suicidal fear of rejection.

by seven006 in

jw
friends

the fear of rejection has once again controlled my life and my actions in an unintentional act of self destruction brought on by how i was raised to view life.

i have come to the conclusion that i will probably be battling this psychological whirlpool of self sabotage for the rest of my life and i do not think i have the ability to completely eliminate it.

talking about it here is a start.

Mum

Dave,

For what it's worth, you're one of my favorite posters on this board. Your wicked sense of humor and incisive comments leave me nearly breathless. Add to that your haunting beauty, and I'm swooning!

I have never quite reached the point of picking up a weapon, but I totally relate to your despair. Fortunately for me, I had a pre-dub life with loving grandparents who actually gave me a positive experience of Christianity. Then I got sucked in by the Cult as a teenager when I was no longer living with my grandparents. I got sucked in because of rejection by my own family. Being love bombed was far preferable to being screamed at, beaten with a belt, a shoe, a golf club or whatever else was handy while being cursed at, screamed at and generally being made to feel like my existence was some huge cosmic error.

I have made great progress because of self-help books and a little help from my friends. I am still perceived by others as someone who is easy to get over on, but I'm still making progress.

You have helped so many here, Dave. We want to help you, but feel pretty helpless right now.

Before you do anything, you can call me -- collect. I'll e-mail you my phone number. It would be a privilege to actually speak to you in person.

Best regards,

SandraC

42

This board means more than you think.....

by Tatiana in

jw
friends

november 26 was my birthday.

i missed having people say happy birthday like they do when they know someone here is another year older.. minimus started a thread a while back, when i was here for a few days, about what this board means and if you thought the people here were your friends.

i've been here a while, and have told some of my stories to you, but i haven't been totally honest.

Mum

April, it's good to have you back. First, Happy Belated Birthday!

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. So many people have been going through trying times over the last few years. I admire you for your courage and good humor in the face of adversity. E-mail me if there is anything I can do to help you, as things are pretty good for me right now (the best in my life so far, in fact).

If that is your real photo that you post here, you certainly are blessed with good looks. You are blessed with a great disposition and a kind and compassionate spirit as well. If anyone, including your employer, does not appreciate you for who you are, they don't deserve you.

I hope some encouraging words lift your spirits.

Thank you for posting "fluff" today because I'm much more struck with people's struggles and triumphs than their research.

Regards,

SandraC

14

Not Exactly "Announcing" Jehovah's Ki...

by BeautifulGarbage in

jw
friends

as i stood at my kitchen window, i could see them walking by the front of my house.

are they going to make that turn and start the small climb up the driveway?

"groan"!

Mum

Hi, BG. I became a regular "publisher" in 1963. At that time we did not say we were Jehovah's witnesses at the door. In the late 1960's, however, we started something new: we began saying something like, "My name is _______, and I am one of Jehovah's witnesses." Now it may be that the r&f have been told to go back to the older way. It's that "new-light strobe light" thing.

Regards,

SandraC

15

Love problems... again

by Ardilla in

jw
friends

i'm here posting something about a love problem again... .

maybe you remember my crazy adventure i'd with a guy that i met at internet.

well i think that is in the past, but of course it hearts me a lot... (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=40394&site=3).

Mum

Ardilla, you don't seem to be ready for a serious relationship. You need to take care of yourself, become the person you want to be before the right guy comes along. As you are now, apparently desperate and more naive than I thought it possible for a person to be, you are going to attract total losers 99% of the time.

You need to read some books on self-esteem and get an education. I recommend that you read Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Then read it again. If it is not available in Spanish, read it in English or have someone help you translate it. You need this book more than anyone else I've ever known.

Do some volunteer work in your community. Join a club where there may be people who have similar hobbies and interests. Learn about co-dependency. You're a good candidate to get stuck married to an alcoholic, an abuser, and/or a philanderer. Please stop doing this to yourself.

47

LAS VEGAS ANYONE???

by plmkrzy in

jw
friends

.

a few of us will be in vegas in december ( 4th, 5th and 6th) who wants to meet up?

?

Mum

I'll be in Sin City the week after your apostate meet-up for my daughter's graduation from the University of Nevada. She is receiving a bachelor's degree in chemistry.

I am so proud of this child (well, she's 30 years old, but always a child to me) -- and so thankful that she reached adulthood without needing a blood transfusion or being molested.

Maybe next time,

SandraC

5

adult children of alcoholics- waiting to go

by operaluver in

i was raised a witness by my mom, but am sorta drifting now to speak with really no practicing religion, but still deep in my heart believe it to be the truth, but guess i am stumbled by the many shortcomings of the people within the organization.

one of the many messages i always remember was not to trust any outside organizations, not to talk to anyone, to seek counselling, or to even have any questions??????.

i think i really feel sorry for my mom, who has lived with an alcoholic all her life who was not in the truth, and she herself to escape, i am sure, drank as well, to relieve the pain of it all.

Mum

Welcome to the forum. As you have seen, many of us have "been there, done that." My father was an alcoholic and prescription drug addict. My mother was on "nerve pills" and a host of other meds to cope. Life in that looney bin made me think JW life was beautiful indeed. Was I naive!

I'm glad you're getting some support and help. You're blessed with good fortune in having a sister who seems to have managed to get normal. There's always something new to discover about yourself, and you're making a good start.

Best wishes,

SandraC

12

Circuit assembly today.

by apocalypse in

we just got back from our circuit assembly.

in the final discussion, the district overseer went on about 'not having anything to do with organizations or any part or branches of organizations that would have objectives contrary to kingdom interests.

it was quite obvious to those in the know, that he was talking about the united nations scandal.

Mum

apocalypse,

Could you and your wife move to another state so the family wouldn't know you were fading? It's a bit drastic, but freedom is priceless.

On the subject of acting in harmony with prayer, I would like to present you with a "G" illustration: A former co-worker of mine wanted a second child. She was very active in the Methodist Church women's group, so the group prayed for her to have another baby. It worked! She gave birth to a baby boy within the year. All who got a birth announcement were firmly convinced that she did not "wait upon Jehovah." She and her husband admirably worked together to bring about the desired answer to prayer.

Be of good courage,

SandraC

21

My story - yup I wrote this

by DazedNConfused in

Mum

Hi, Venice. Nice to see you back here.

I did not mean to "kick" anyone while he's down. Maybe I've been listening to Dr. Laura too much.

Anyway, I come from a family of addicts and enablers. Enabling is quite different from helping.

More years ago than I would like to admit, I was complaining/whining to a friend about my then-husband. My friend looked at me and simply said, "Sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps." Bless her! That was the first time anyone made me aware that I held the reins! I had always looked for someone to enable or someone to make my decisions for me. But the process of thinking about change had begun. It was not easy to look at myself and realize that I had a problem largely because I fed and nurtured it. But what I've learned and getting to where I am now was worth the pain of the journey.

Regards,

SandraC

36

Final update on she left?

by Yerusalyim in

jw
friends

i put a question mark on this cuz i don't know where to turn.

i have confirmed and she has admitted to three affairs in our eight years of marriage.

i don't know if i could ever trust her again.

Mum

"The truth shall make you free," but nobody said it wouldn't be painful. At a time like this, you probably do very well just to get through the day without breaking down. It is better that you know, painful as it is.

It's good that you're talking to your priest. I hope he is able to offer you some solace.

Why do women/people have affairs? I understand that there are many different "reasons." Younger people usually do it to make the other partner jealous; as people get older, there are other reasons. Regardless of the reason, it hurts just as much to find out.

The others are right. You need to cut and run. At this point, she is not likely to change her behavior patterns. So sorry.

Scooter, there is a difference between a single unfortunate indiscretion than a longstanding history of repeated wrongdoing. I admire your courage and honesty in saying what you did. If Yeru's wife changed her ways, it would be great; but she doesn't seem likely to do so.

Regards,

SandraC

13

What should I say?

by santacruzchick in

jw
friends

to refresh your memories, i was raised as a jw, as of the last few yrs my mom has been inactive (she's the only jw in the family).

i was never baptized talking and talking and talking, i felt insulted because i already knew everything we were going over.

however....winter break is begins next week, so i'm going home for about a month.

Mum

Tell her you have mononucleosis, Epstein-Barr Syndrome, chronic fatigue, iron deficiency anemia, severe depression, or some other malady that makes it "impossible" for you to concentrate or expend the energy required to prepare lessons and everything else that goes with it.

Tell her you've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, syphilis, or some other malady that causes you to behave in an unpredictable and sometimes violent manner, that these attacks are random and impossible to control.

Or, do the Jake Blues to Carrie Fisher speech from The Blues Brothers, one of my favorite movie scenes. It goes something like, "I missed my exit on the freeway, an old friend came in from out of town, my cat died, I had a flat tire, I ran out of gas . . . . ." and so on.

Look up a list of excuses on the internet. There must be an excuse site.

I would like to tell you to be direct, but they just don't get it most of the time.

Do whatever it takes. Life is short and to be enjoyed!

Best wishes,

SandraC