Posts by rodnico

My heart goes out to you, and what you are suffering through. JW or not parents have a way of making you feel sick and childlike when we don't have their approval.

With my mother I tried all of the above steps. I tried throwing her words back in her face, and we would end up screaming at each other. I tried to ignore her and not talk to her, and my heart ached so bad I thought it would burst. I tried to show her I was the happiest I have ever been in my life, and she told me it was because Satan had me in his control and so no battle of good/bad. I tried to tell her what I had learned about the WTBTS, and she hung up on me. Every conversation that we had seemed to end in a fight, until I told her one day that no matter what happens in her life or how she treats me I still love her. I would always love her, and when she got old and WTBTS would not care for her I would always be there for her because she is my mother, and she gave me my life.

I do not have a "normal" relationship with her, and I suppose I never will, but we can talk now it does not end in a screaming match. The two things that have helped was first time. She needed time to deal with her grief, and then my response of unconditional love.

Every parent is different, and mine is more crazy than different, but this was my experience and what helped me.
Nicole

32

funny old life isnt it....

by Deacon in

jw
friends

i was just looking out the window, as it would happen a middle aged woman, or perhaps a young woman worn out with her life walked past.

she stopped on the edge of the mall where my wifes office is, and sat on a bench outside the window.

on close look, she couldnt have been more than late 30's, but probably only 35.. she sat for a while just looking at the ground in front of her, her face just exhibiting that blank look of the world weary.

rodnico

When I finally realized that I did not really believe in god I wept. I cried for the same reason Outnfree, I grieved for the god I lost. I wish, I really wish that I could believe there is a god that cares, but I can't and I miss the time when I could believe.
Unlike you I am terrified to die. Panic sweeps my body when I think about dying. All of my life I knew, I knew that I was not going to die. I still haven't grieved for the loss of all my beliefs, but soon I will need to I can feel it.
I never really thought of it this way, but it is a natural progression towards healing.

15

Jezebel Spirit

by rodnico in

jw
friends

my mother was labeled as having a jezebel spirit.

although she regular pioneered most all of her life.

she was out spoken and remained unmarried so she had no spiritual head.

rodnico

Queen Jezebear, I think that would be a great drag name.

Waiting-I agree about the labels. That has been a hard habit to break. Letting things just be without catagorizing or labeling things this or that.

Just brought to mind how it would have been fun to exercise my Jezzy spirit in the Kingdom Hall or in the service group.

15

Jezebel Spirit

by rodnico in

jw
friends

my mother was labeled as having a jezebel spirit.

although she regular pioneered most all of her life.

she was out spoken and remained unmarried so she had no spiritual head.

rodnico

My mother was labeled as having a Jezebel spirit. Although she regular pioneered most all of her life. She was out spoken and remained unmarried so she had no spiritual head. This really hurt her feelings, as well it should.

Have any of you been labeled the same? Told you were not submissive to headship for having a brain or talking out of turn? I was to shy to be labeled having a Jezebel spirit.

39

Best Bumper Stickers I've seen.....

by LDH in

jw
friends

jesus, save me from your followers!.

i do work for food!

rodnico

"I don't have a problem with God
It's his fan club I don't like"

9

SAVING SEATS

by Amazing in

jw
friends

taking a brief break from my 'deceptive jw elders' series, i thought about conventions and recalled the annual exhortation from the congregation service meetings and the kingdom ministry about not saving seats.. in the early 1970s, my wife was pregnant with our second child.

we were attending the disctrict convention at the oakland, california coliseum where the oakland raiders and oakland a's teams play.

the stadium hold about 70,000 give or take 5,000 with extra seats on the field.. during the summer in the bay area, sitting all day in the sun listening to speakers you can barely understand due to planes flying overhead, poor sound system, and crying babies, becomes a tortureous event.

rodnico

I attended those assemblies at the Oakland coliseum. But I was very young, and don't really remember the miserable conditions.

I do remember it was that stadium I lost one of my front teeth at. During a long convention the temptation to play with that tooth is too great for a 6 year old. I bleed all over the flower yellow dress my mother had made for me.

I don't remember if it was that assembly or another one but I got lost at the coliseum. Talk about a HORRIBLE place to be lost as a child (which might be an interesting thread). I walked around the giant fish bowl, until finally I started crying. Don't remember much after that.

When I used to drive by that coliseum I would shudder!

10

A Jehovah's Witness; two people in one skin...

by Abaddon in

jw
friends

the excellent threads started by amazing and jt sum up different aspects of a way of looking at my family i only recently realised that i had developed.. to give background, i walked away in '93 but have retained fairly good relations with my family although i have never had a 'show-down' regarding beliefs, just a few half-hearted fire-fights.. my girlfriend (never a jw) had met them a few times.

a few months ago we went for a meal at their house.

i think that my parents had decided beforehand to 'get her alone', so my dad asked for help with his pc in his office at home.. my mum and my girlfriend were in the living room; i could hear what was going on from where i was.. my mum was basically doing the "it is the truth you know" bit (a jw mind trick; sincere repetiton, eye contact, gesture, head nod... what do they think they are, some kind of jedi??

rodnico

A very similar thing happened to me the past weekend. My mother came to visit my boyfriend and me. She said she would not stay with us, but when she got to our place she felt very comfortable (due to my boyfriend being very kind).

At the end of her visit we did talk about our relationship, and she said to me "I was a good mother" "I did the best I knew how" and things of this nature. What I said to her back was yes you were a good mother. You as an individual without the dogma and rhetoric. That person I cherish, and value all of the lessons that person taught me. She did not know how to take that. Her face scrunched up, and she changed the subject.
I describe my mother in the same manner to people. She has 2 people inside of her at war. Who she is really, her brilliant feminist personality, and the cult person rigid and hard. Since I was a child she has been at war with her duality.

29

curious

by bonnie38 in

jw
friends

i wonder what the percentage is of ex-jws who become involved in other organized religions.

i had a discussion with a psychiatrist friend recently.

he told me that i am a "psychiatric anamoly," that most "devout" people who leave a religion will join another and become as devout in their new religion.

rodnico

When I first left the organization I felt there was this deep black hole inside of me. And I confused the idea with the need to belong or worship. I looked around, but because of my background felt uneasy in churches. I thought for a while I should look into more pagan ritual style of worship with other women, but that fell through also. In the end when I came to terms with my athiesm, and say out loud I am an athiest the hole was gone.
I think for me coming to terms with my belief system, athiesm, was the turning point. Now like Riz I listen to my inner self what feels right, and what feels wrong.
I can't say I would never attend a church. There may come a time when I am older that I will be able to trust an organization and may change my belief system, but that would be very far in the future.
Rodnico