Posts by Sentinel

23

Warped....

by TheSurvivor in

i was born in the 50's and raised in the so called truth.

i began to see the light the same year i got my concealed weapons permit.

imagine that, a witness packing heat.

They want you to be sooooo busy doing everything JW, so you don't have any time left to begin to think for yourself, or reflect and analyze a brilliant deduction gathered from some outside source. You will be just too plum tired.

Actually, it was some of the inquisitive questions that came from my own child that really prodded me on to do some searching for myself. Out of the mouths of babes, and it's so true. Children have such an openess and honestly about them--when they are small, before society and family take it away in the JW process of cloning.

I've enjoyed your comments. It's so nice to have you here.

Sentinel

13

this just isn't my day, [:(]

by orangefatcat in

jw
friends

today has been as rough day for me.

i got up this morning hoping our van would pass the ontario emission tests for clean driving.

we put 400.00 dollars to make sure it would pass and it didn't pass it failed and to beat that we are at our daughters home a couple of hours away from our home.

Sentinel

((((((((((((((((((((((Orangefatcat))))))))))))))))

It's bound to get better!

Sentinel

18

Letter from society

by TweetieBird in

jw
friends

after the wt study yesterday, the conductor read a letter from the society about the subscriptions.

i knew that they had cancelled the subscriptions to the magazines, but now they have discontinued almost all forms of subscriptions, i.e.

watchtower/awake on tape, large print wt, etc.

Sentinel

READY

SET

FALL..........

IT HAS BEGUN.

Sentinel

20

It was a dark and stormy night.....

by Mimilly in

jw
friends

actually, it was dark and it was night, but it was clear and something happened last night that creeped me out and has no explanation.

i'm wondering if anyone has had similiar things happen.

the setting: i'm sick with a stupid cold and decided to sleep on the couch in the livingroom.

Sentinel

Mimilly,

(((HUGS))) So sorry you have been sick. Did you have a high fever? Just kidding...

Actually, I have had so many incidents in my life such as what happened to you, that I just accept them. Were you actually afraid? Were you in any way comforted? Or did it just seem very odd, but kind of nice, like you weren't alone. Like you aren't ever alone.....

I've had a few very dark things occur in my life. No need to go into that right now. In those instances, I would suddenly be filled with intense terror. The need to remove myself from that place or person was instant. However, most of my experiences have been the other kind. Now, when they happen, I just speak out loud to "them". I converse with them as I would with a friend. I tell them they are welcome as long as they don't freak anyone out, and I ask them if they are bringing me a "gift".

You may know what I'm referring to here. But, I feel as if when the unexplainable good feelings come around and "something" is obviously present, that the visit has a purpose. So I ask to be helped to understand what that purpose is. I have been greatly comforted by simply accepting circumstances that I don't truly understand.

Stay close to the good and the good will be with you.

Be well.

Sentinel/Karen

54

MOST PEOPLE NEVER REALLY CHANGE

by minimus in

jw
friends

most people never really change!

our personalities, whether we are active witnesses or are inactive ones, apostates or almost apostates, are the same.

if we tend to rant here on this board, the probability is we were ranters elsewhere.

Sentinel

Granted, we are who we are in the depths of our individual souls. However, people can and do change. They change because they need to or want to. They change because they give up and give in. Alcoholics become sober, and sober people become alcoholics. Smokers stop smoking, and others pick the habit up out of nowhere. JW's stop being JW's, and others are recruited by the thousands. People who were good people, become abusive and dangerous to society. Dissatisfaction becomes anger, and anger becomes offensive behavior. If you think this doesn't bring on a personality change, oops, I must disagree.

Some people don't care enough to make changes that will improve their behavior and how they treat people and what they say. Granted, there are also lots of people who fit into that category. Due to genetic makeup, we are each, no doubt either obsessive-compulsive people, or addictive people from birth. And our cognition, the way our minds were shaped and the information that was programmed into us by the input from caretakers, we perceive our "world" a certain way. This determines how we react to situations that affect "our world".

I can see though, that generally speaking, there are some folks that cursed in private when a JW, or did other things in private when a JW, and lived a very deceptive secret life, so they could still have their friends and family. Were they really a true JW borg? No. If that be their nature, they used the witnesses like they use everyone else. It didn't hurt so bad when they decided to leave, or if they were found out and df'd or da'd. They don't want to change. People will just have to accept them for the way they are, or screw them. Ever heard that before?

But there are lots of us who were very sincere within the borg. So, we still try to be the kind, loving people were were then. Maybe being in the borg, actually did help lots of people, even though the doctrines were wrong, they learned to live among different types of people and fit in "socially". This is a whole other ballgame.

Change is growth. Without change, we just stagnate in the soup of life we are in, and get thrown out with the garbage. I don't want that for myself. I don't believe that most of the posters here feel that way. Frustration and anger needs to come out, I agree. Venting is healthy, but abuse is unacceptable. We've all had enough of that.

We just have to choose our friends carefully, and overlook or ignore those that hurt and abuse and offend us.

Sentinel/Karen

18

Is independent thinking a disphelowshipping offens

by In_between_days in

jw
friends

yes, i know, im back........ kind of - it was a short retirement wasnt it?

well, i had a discussion with a jw friend not long ago and i need some info.

is independent thinking a disphellowshipping offense?

Sentinel

As I see it, they are taking away freedom. If you have a question, keep it to yourself. If you don't agree, keep it to yourself. Keep everything bottled up inside until you explode. Yes, this is healthy, alright.

You aren't allowed to think for yourself, because if you do think for yourself, you will see the inadequacies of the organization. I mean even in countries where freedom is taken away, they cannot stop what you "think". A person can "think" anything. What kind of freedom is that? Try to act on it, no matter how rational, and see what happens.

So, yes, by all means keep it all to yourself. Don't discuss it with even your closest friend or beloved parent or member of the family. They might, (no, they will) turn you in as an apostate. Does this sound reasonable to you? It doesn't to me. Never did, and never will. Yet, like every other "doubting" JW, it is the way of our life, until we make a stand.

Lately, I've heard so much conflicting information about this "new light" on how to treat disfellowshipped or disassociated individuals, especially family. It really isn't new light. It's old darkness. Yet, the borg will use this to try to keep the congregation together. They say one thing, write another thing, and this all changes from congregation to congregation and elder to elder. If the truth is really the truth, it would be the truth and never revert back. Many JW's now feel that they have to "revert" back to the old ways in the 80's when a very harsh stand was taken for those who stray.

The whole reason behind this was "control". Because Armageddon did not make it's intended arrival at the predicted date of 1975 (and yes, they did predict this!), they saw the numbers falling off. They had to do something to "scare" the faithful into remaining in the borg at all costs. This my folks is manipulative control of the masses. What does this remind you of?

It's difficult to break away from the borg, and it is called the borg for a very good reason. Ever watch Star Trek and the Borg that takes over the bodies of men and women and makes them programmed robots. There is no difference. The more the borg takes you over, the less of yourself you have left to work with.

Many of you are still in your "comfort zone", trying to maintain a life by existing on "two levels". This is not healthy. Eventually, your internal organs will handle this stress in all types of negative ways, and then your mental capabilities will cause you to take medicines to "make you feel better". My friends, the door is right in front of you. All you have to do is open it and go through. You don't even have to knock.

We are here for you.

Sentinel

21

Dead Again?

by sOOner in

just sharing a bit of news that i recieved today from my only living parent,my mama.my mama is a full fledged in the borg programed subject.the phone call came today.she said she was a bad girl and had been disobedient and that this would be her last phone call.at first she softened the blow by saying "honey.i just called to tell you how much i love you"i responded with a inner smile and said "awe,that's so nice,i love you too"she then said "no,you don't understand i am calling to tell you that this will be our last communication other then emergency and death situations"i then kinda of lost it.i informed her that was crap!i mean back in 1981 you cut me and my siblings off for 12 years,then after we have survived or at least were functional in our lives you come back and say"opps,sorry but there is new light and now we can love you again".

during this time i being a dutiful daughter,forgave them and welcomed them back into my life which had been missing there love.it was so nice being able to do things for them and care for them when they were ill.visits became a yearly occurence and they even visited with me.. although this was not in the least unexpected,it is still a shock.i have reacted in various ways.if i am dead too her then she is dead too me.i don't give flowers to dead people,i show unconditional love to them when they are living and can recipercate by giving unconditional love in return.. as far as recieving health bulletins or in my case calling and saying"hi,mama my hep c is whatever".

i am not calling period.. it may seem foolish and childish but i have removed her pictures.the ones of her and dad together are still on my wall.. it is a sad day when your parent,the one who gave birth to you says she loves you but can't show you.. she said it is in the bible,but when my siblings and i ask where she says i can't tell you because you are in the dark and not allowing the light.

Sentinel

Survivor,

Didn't you know that I can read minds? But, I'll never tell either.

Your presence here means more than you could ever know. ((((HUGS))))

Sentinel (Looking out for those I love)

23

Warped....

by TheSurvivor in

i was born in the 50's and raised in the so called truth.

i began to see the light the same year i got my concealed weapons permit.

imagine that, a witness packing heat.

Sentinel

TheSurvivor,

Getting it out in the open, speaking freely among those who's hearts truly understand your dilema, will bring you comfort.

Faith is so allusive. What I looked for most was joy and happiness. For all my life, I'd had NONE. When I found the joy and happiness, it was because my soul had been set free to discover true spirituallity, which has nothing to do with religion.

Everyone has to make their own journey through all the crap and "mindbending" as I call it. Living a double life nearly killed me. You will know when the time is right. Go with your heart, which is guided by "gut instinct".

I too, gathered bibles and reference material all around me to help me see once and forever just how wrong the JW doctrines are. The release from that bondage gave me new hope and peace. I have read the Lost Books of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and am currently trying to grasp the Koran and the Morman book, just for reference. I believe that this knowledge will help me to understand fully the grasp that "concepts" have on various societies, and why they behave the way they do.

As far as wondering if there is a god. Well, for me there is no Jehovah. That is truly not even his name, and I'm certain that if he cared at all, he/she would be highly affended. The correct name is Yahweh. Even JW's admit that, but chose to translate as they please. Maybe Yahweh was given a special privilege to oversee the establishment of life on this planet, and that this "identity" is just one of many, whom roam the vast universe, experimenting or whatever. I don't believe that a god such as we were presented with exists. I believe the true creator(s) are so far above "needing anything from mere humans". But, I do believe there are higher sources in the universe. The problem being that apparently they operate on a level that we cannot even fathom. Religion does not change that. Even when I was an active JW, I never felt close to "Jehovah". I never felt like he heard my prayers or answered them for that matter. In those days, even though I "thought" I was a good person, I felt so guilty and unworthy, and that perhaps I wasn't good enough for "this" god.

Now, I realize that we are trying to grasp things which we as mere human beings have as of yet been unable to truly understand. That is why there are so many concepts of "christianity", and why there are other abstract beliefs throughout the entire world.

You are on the right road now. I will not say it will be painless. You are a very level headed person, and just have to do what you deem is the right thing to do.

You have a very big (((((hug))))) from me. You will survive this. You have my support.

Love and Light,

Sentinel/Karen

68

Please, I am so upset...I need some hugs...

by Sentinel in

i am having a very difficult time and i am here right now because i know in my heart, that when i explain what has just happened to me a few minutes ago, you will understand.

many of you are no doubt going through the same thing.. within several posts here, i have spoken of my mother.

my dear sweet mother, who just turned 78, and who has been a faithful jw since 1959. she abandoned me in 1981, when i decided to leave the borg, and for twelve years she did not speak to me, write to me, call me, or visit me.

Sentinel

I had a very nice reply all typed out, and when I hit "post", my server died. I'm just too tired to try to do it again. Anyway, thanks to everyone. From the bottom of my tired little heart.

I'm off to bed now.

Karen

63

Cancer

by Sirona in

jw
friends

you might think i'm being picky here, please dont take this the wrong way.

the thing is, i'm stuggling with my health at the moment and am going in hospital to see if my cancer has spread.. heres my gripe: some people (noone on this board) say to me, over and over, that they know someone who had skin cancer and they're fine now....how they can just remove the mole and everything is fine.

well for the purposes of educating people:.

Sentinel

Sirona,

I was very happy to hear your good news.

There is a battle going on, and I hope you win and scare them so badly they never come back!

Thinking of you,

Karen