Victor_E

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Posts by Victor_E

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  127

  Picture of where you live

  by RAYZORBLADE in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for some of us on this forum, we're so far away from one another.

  out of curiosity, do any of you have any photos of where you are from, or the communities that you live in?

  here's one of toronto.

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  Victor_E

  This not the end of the world but you can see it from here El Paso TX

  Victor
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  10

  Could they be sued for negligence?

  by jelly in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i saw two jws i know quite well the other day and i started to think.

  they are both men in their mid 40s, both look like they are pushing 55. both are single, dirt poor and unskilled, although one is going to marry soon.

  the first man, who works as a landscaper, was a good mechanic but never got the technical training necessary so is in essence unskilled labor.

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  Victor_E

  You would sue the family, which becomes circular hopelesnes
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  10

  Could they be sued for negligence?

  by jelly in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i saw two jws i know quite well the other day and i started to think.

  they are both men in their mid 40s, both look like they are pushing 55. both are single, dirt poor and unskilled, although one is going to marry soon.

  the first man, who works as a landscaper, was a good mechanic but never got the technical training necessary so is in essence unskilled labor.

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  Victor_E

  You raise a good question for newbies. I am a trial consultant among other things and the question is close to heart just finishing a weeklong medical malpractice suit against a famous hospital. Anyone can sue for any reason the issue is two part,

  1. Finding a good trial lawyer who would take the case on contingency, since this trial would be cost prohibitive for the average Joe Dirt ex JW
  2. Being able to prove negligence since the burden of proof is on the plaintiff. Here is where it becomes very hard to prove since every religion is protected by a blanket waiver of membership by choice. In plain English from a jury’s verdict it would be, “you made your bed you slept in it, Watchtower not guilty."

  As the previous poster mentioned it is much easier to sue for sex abuse, blood, etc. and the disclosure part of pre baptism would signal the slow end of them in the US. If this were to happen the slow growth would come from mental retards, and their own children, which I am not sure there is much difference

  Victor Escalante
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  37

  Was I a coward?

  by DanTheMan in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  right before i disassociated myself last march, i sent an email to quite a number of jw's that contained only a link to an "apostate" website that had been instrumental in my seeing the the truth about the wt.. well, nobody responded to it except for one person, a guy who i hadn't had any contact with my last year in.

  he started out with "yikes, do you know i'm disfellowshipped?

  " he then went on for several paragraphs defending the org, how loving the brothers were when they disfellowshipped him .

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  Victor_E

  Each individual is at a different stage in their spiritual evolution. Spiritual infants are guided merely by their impulses with no principles. Spiritual adolecents are guided by rules and regulations, while spiritual young adults question the rules and are anti organizations. Spiritual mature adults see the whole and the futility in arguing with infants and adolecents. So were you a coward? Only you can answer that one.
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  7

  Boundaries Part 2

  by Victor_E in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a boundary is a limit we set to give our life structure and form.

  many victims never were taught or allowed to set normal healthy proper boundaries.

  in my jw days it was appalling to see how elders and the whole authority machine constantly violated boundaries of rank and file jws.

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  Victor_E

  A boundary is a limit we set to give our life structure and form. Many victims never were taught or allowed to set normal healthy proper boundaries. In my JW days it was appalling to see how elders and the whole authority machine constantly violated boundaries of rank and file JWs. They were quick to make rules and regulations some of which they themselves would not follow. The paradox is that many JWs did not know they had the right to set boundaries.

  • A boundary is knowing where you stop and where I begin.
  • Its being able to say NO
  • Its for my safety
  • Boundaries allow me the power to choose
  • Boundaries allow me the space to heal
  • Boundaries allow me to grow
  • Boundaries allow me to think clearly
  • Boundaries protect me from spinning out of control
  • With boundaries my life becomes simpler
  • When I have no boundaries people walk all over me
  • Boundaries help me establish positive self worth and self-esteem. I have more self-respect when I have boundaries. When I treat myself with self-respect, others do too.
  • Boundaries allow me to protect my spirit.

  Internal Boundaries

  I will set boundaries

  I will make time to do the work of recovery

  I will not beat myself up internally for making a mistake; instead, I will see a mistake as a learning experience.

  I can feel and talk about how I feel

  I will not absorb other peoples feelings

  I can say no and not feel guilty

  I will learn to establish a relationship with God or a higher power

  I will celebrate my successes

  I dont have to be perfect

  I dont have to be the best in everything I do

  I will not compare myself to other people

  I can be who I am because that is good enough

  I will not project blame for my problems on other people

  External Boundaries

  • I have the right to heal and to do the work of healing, regardless of the opinion of friends, or how family members respond to me.
  • I now choose to associate with people who treat me with respect and kindness
  • I will not associate with people who are cruel and unsupportive. I realize that no one can make me feel inferior unless I give them permission.
  • I will not put other peoples feelings before my own.
  • I will consider their feelings after I understand how I am feeling
  • I am not responsible for taking care of other peoples feelings
  • I will not tell other people what to do with their lives
  • I will learn to listen and offer support by validating other people
  • I will not allow other people to tell me what to do with my life
  • I will learn to share my abuse only with safe people in safe places
  • I will not subject myself to people and events that make me feel uneasy and powerless
  • During the work of healing, I can limit or avoid altogether contact with people who trigger my unresolved issues, which causes my healing to regress.
  • I can allow people back into my life when I feel I am ready to have a relationship with them (this includes family members)
  • I can decide what boundaries I need in my relationships. If others do not honor my boundaries, I can choose to stop the relationship.
  • I can limit my sexual relations during the work of my healing. When I heal, I can choose to have sexual relations (within the bounds I set) when I want to gibe and receive sexually.
  • I want to express my sexuality within my own standards and values
  • I will protect myself from the emotional, spiritual, physical, and sexual abuse of others. I have a right to stop it.
  • I will also learn to recognize my own abusive behaviors and learn to stop them
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  1

  Boundaries Part 1

  by Victor_E in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i walk down the street.

  there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

  i fall in.

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  Victor_E

  I walk down the street

  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

  I fall in

  I am lostI am hopeless

  It isnt my fault.

  It takes forever to find a way out.

  Our past experience has made us or will make us victims to some situation, individuals, religion, agency or company. By the same token we will be victimizers of others at some time or another. The sooner we assimilate the important lessons we need to learn the cheaper and faster we can move on with a new set of boundaries of who or what to avoid.

  I walk down the same street

  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

  I pretend I dont see it.

  I fall in again.

  I cant believe I am in the same place.

  But, it isnt my fault.

  It still takes a long time to get out.

  If we dont learn from our mistakes we are bound to repeat them. If we use mental blinders to not use critical rational thinking abilities we fall for other charlatans whose only interest is to help themselves at our expense. We still have not learned to set healthy proper boundaries.

  I walk down the same street

  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

  I see it is there.

  I still fall in .its a habit.

  My eyes or open

  I know where I am

  It is my fault

  I get out immediately

  We form habits and habits form us. Many victims are programmed to want to be victimized. It is when we make that conscious choice to not tolerate one more act of abuse that we empower ourselves and we establish and defend healthy proper boundaries.

  I walk down the same street.

  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

  I walk around it.

  I walk down another street .........Portia Nelson

  Been there done that got the t-shirt dont want to do it again.
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  9

  The Courage to Leave

  by Victor_E in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the advancing technology of the internet will continue to change the topography of the watchtower.

  they can no longer function with the age long philosophy of business as usual due to the proliferation of computers and the easy access to information.

  this as we have seen will lead to more baby boomers and generation xers logging on to educate themselves of the truth about the jw truth.

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  Victor_E

  The advancing technology of the Internet will continue to change the topography of the Watchtower. They can no longer function with the age long philosophy of business as usual due to the proliferation of computers and the easy access to information. This as we have seen will lead to more baby boomers and generation xers logging on to educate themselves of the truth about the JW truth.

  Individuals are going to fall into one or more of several categories as they take the initiative and expose themselves to factual information about the Watchtower. This segmentation of people is due to everyone being at a different place and stage in their lives. Other factors are their past experience inside of JWs, personal motivation, extended JW family relationships, the hierarchical position inside of JWs, financial status, psychological health, exit plan, etc.

  I once had one JW family who was so disillusioned, that when I presented the facts to them they made their exit plan and in less than three months were completely out. The woman had suffered from numerous experiences at the hands of incompetent elders. She, through her own personal experience saw the religion for what it is. This family had no other extended JW family to lose so their decision was quick and final. Making the adjustment back into society was not an easy thing for the mother due to her lack of job skills. The children did not fare much better; they were born into the religion and also had put off a college education so they worked at minimum wage blue-collar jobs, two of them trying to support a family.

  Then there is the couple that the wife was ready to exit while he was not. He was a second generation JW who had a lot to lose. He had business relationships, extended family, and the JW experience was his whole way of life. He spent a good two years reading everything he could get his hands on in order to convince himself that what he was reading was factual. He even went to the kingdom hall to read the original books to convince himself of their rewritten history. At the end of this, he was not only convinced but was en expert on the history of the Watchtower. He and his wife were instrumental in helping others to exit from the religion.

  One lady was already out but she still defended the JWs blaming herself for being too liberal. When she learned the facts she transformed that guilt into self-confirmation of her intuition. She was going to school at that time and finished with an associates degree. Last I heard of her she was working and living her life to the fullest.

  Another lady that was inactive semi probed to learn to the facts but not having a support system decided to go back to the JWs. She is a middle aged woman with no job skills divorced and no support system whatsoever outside of JWs. This lady probably made the right choice for her because outside of the JW subculture it would have been very hard to reconstruct her life.

  I loaned one of Rays books to another inactive client and she went home and left the book on a coffee table for her mother to see. Her mother a retired teacher read the book in one weekend. She took all her JW literature put it in boxes and went and left it at the door of one of her elders house. She included a letter telling him she did not want anything else to do with JWs. This woman had been a JW for some 30 years.

  One man was unable to function or exist outside the social structure of the JWs. He was very codependent and was still mourning the loss of his JW wife. Leaving for him was not an option he would even consider. He was a Watchtower apologist that would rationalize and justify all the wrongs inside of the Watchtower. He was also invested with a lot of business contacts inside of the religion.

  One lady became very knowledgeable about the Watchtower yet she could not leave for fear of losing her aged father. While she was inactive she still was cordial to the JWs when they would call on her to encourage her. She at times though would fluctuate between feelings of exiting and staying. What would motivate her was her anger and inconvenience of having to live a lie. She was caught in a double bind not wanting to set a bad example of hypocrisy for her young daughter.

  I am sure you have your own story to tell, we all do. Each of our stories is unique while the paradoxes may be similar they are never quite the same. In the final analysis no one but us can make that decisive choice of whether to stay or leave. We alone will have to face and live with the consequences of our actions. In that moment of our decision our destiny and quality of life is set. We should be ready to revise any belief, we should change a belief where there is compelling reason to change it, and we should not change a belief wantonly without some good reason. The first point needs intellectual courage, the second, intellectual honesty, and the third, wise restraint. Do not believe anything but question only what is worth questioning.

  We want to live in the present, and the only history that is worth a tinkers damn is the history we make today. Henry Ford
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  6

  The Courage to Heal

  by Victor_E in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the courage to heal.

  in a study done at the university of houston researchers concluded that a person with deep psychological issues would go through a five-step process.

  i concur with this study after having worked with offenders on probation for drug and alcohol problems and sexual and physical abuse survivors.. .

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  Victor_E

  The Courage to Heal

  In a study done at the University of Houston researchers concluded that a person with deep psychological issues would go through a five-step process. I concur with this study after having worked with offenders on probation for drug and alcohol problems and sexual and physical abuse survivors.

  Denial

  In this stage the individual may not be aware that they have serious problems. While their loved ones know that their values are not in the right hierarchy (priorities not straight) the abuse survivor may be clueless and vehemently defend the way they are. They may display moodiness that is out of the norm and may even suffer from bipolar disorder. They may be very insecure and vulnerable to bad news going into what we call baseline states where they feel very strong emotions like dread, deep anxiety, rage, guilt and the like. The abuse survivor could also be using denial as a defense mechanism to not have to look inside or deal with all that needs to be healed or changed. In their mind if they dont think about it, then its no big deal. The problem is that often feelings that were buried alive are now blooming to the surface in inappropriate situations with inappropriate people causing the victim chaos. While it takes a lot of energy to repress feelings, as the victim grows older they lack the strength to do so and they may feel a constant fatigue.

  Thinking about doing something about their problem

  When abuse survivors reach this point its because they can no longer deny that they their life or both are a mess. They may lack the skills to interact and relate to loved ones, peers at work or even to themselves. They are tired of running from their feelings and the problems these create. They run but their feelings always catch up to them or find them. This is an important stage to be in, the abuse survivors are open to hearing about avenues that they may pursue to get help. Friends and family may suggest a book, a seminar, looking into their employers EAP, or taking a continuing education class at the local university or community college. Often therapists put on short classes on many psych topics. They may also contact local agencies that provide services that are totally free or very affordable.

  Doing something about their problem.

  In this stage the person has enough motivation to proactively do something. They take the initiative to buy a book, sign up for a workshop, get a referral for a therapist, etc. Their pain threshold can no longer be raised or in some instances they may be facing serious crisis like the loss of a job, a relationship or health problems related to the past abuse. In this stage the victim needs a lot of understanding, empathy and support to find a good skilled professional who they can feel the right chemistry with. They may be faced with overwhelming feelings of hopelessness when they are told that they need extensive therapy and that it will require a strong commitment to heal. At times victims fall back to step two of thinking about doing something.

  Relapse

  This is a natural phenomenon in the healing and evolutionary process. In this stage the victim slides back to old patterns of behavior or feelings. They may have made a lot of progress feeling much better healing relationships and feeling stronger than ever before. This stage can be very discouraging for them because the hopeless feelings can come back and they may doubt that therapy was worth all the hassle and cost. For an alcoholic they may binge again or a drug user use drugs again. While there are many factors for a person to relapse the victim should see this as just another hurdle they need to jump over to heal and change.

  Maintenance

  In this final stage the victim has completely developed an identity of a survivor. They are strong, they have new up to date coping mechanisms, and they relate much better to themselves and to others. They may have new responsibilities at work due to improved interpersonal skills or a newly acquired teamwork attitude. Yet they may need a bi- annual tune up to gauge their progress and to hone or acquire new skills.

  God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars. Anon
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  11

  Hola Gente

  by Victor_E in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hola gente hispana,.

  con todo el pedo de los testigos estamos viendo que mas y mas gente hispana esta abriendo los ojos y saliendo.

  tengo una pregunta para ustedes, no les gustaria tener una seccion aqui en este foro de idioma castellano?

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  Victor_E

  Hola Gente Hispana,

  Con todo el pedo de los Testigos estamos viendo que mas y mas gente Hispana esta abriendo los ojos y saliendo. Tengo una pregunta para ustedes, no les gustaria tener una seccion aqui en este foro de idioma Castellano? Lo que pretendo es que escribamos articulos de ayuda asi como son los de Ingles. Si hay bastante interes le voy a sugerir a Simon que ponga una seccion de Castellano.

  Saludos,

  Victor

  Translation: Should we have a seccion in Spanish, to ask Simon?
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  36

  Who Really Has The Truth(tm) Anyway?

  by SpannerintheWorks in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  talk to any jw and they are convinced that not only do they posses the truth, but it is the only truth and nothing but the truth.

  talk to born-again christians and they are convinced that god hears their prayers, they've got it right and jw's are wrong for not believing in the trinity.

  then we have the mormons.

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  Victor_E

  A fallacy many current JWs and newly de-towered XJWs have is that you must rush to find the absolute truth once leaving the Tower. In my own personal experience I had had so much religion stuffed down my throat that I suffered from religious indigestion. Upon leaving the JWs I decided I was going to take a much-needed vacation from any religion, and I reasoned that if God was so petty and vengeful that he could not understand my feelings, then he might as well strike me of his list. Kind of reminds me of the scene in the flick Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan challenges God to either kill them or let them live, in an effort to find peace within himself.

  Since leaving the JWs I have attended several church services for the sake of clients and friends, mostly weddings, and funerals. I can count on one hand the number of times I have attended other church services of organized religion. When I attend I take a third position perception, which gives me a detached observer viewpoint. Knowing linguistics as I do, gives me an advantage to quickly dissect all the hypnotic phenomena and commands the preachers dish out so liberally. The last church service I attended at the insistence of a psychologist colleague makes the JWs look like a cakewalk. What I saw was extensive mind control and deep hypnosis. Over and over again the preachers fed the gullible people guilt, shame and fear.

  I have never attended the Unity church but I hear its one of the best to help you find your own path without the coercion and manipulation of orthodox churches. I have listened to many speakers of BRCI conferences on tape who have many years under their belt trying to find their own truths and have come to the conclusion as the ex JW from Greece who used to be the architect for the Tower. He said that in his opinion God never intended to give us the absolute truth, but gave us just the basics for us to figure out our own spiritual path.

  He who sets himself up as the keeper of truth is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods

  A Einstein