Posts by WildTurkey

3

Ted Jaracz and the Pig

by WildTurkey in

ted jaracz and his driver were going to watchtower farm and were passing a farm owned by an apostate.

a pig jumped out in the road suddenly.

the driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him.

Ted Jaracz and his driver were going to Watchtower farm and were passing a farm owned by an apostate. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Ted saw this and said, "My God, what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told them that I'm Ted Jaracz driver and I just killed the pig.

38

YOUR BEST DRUNK STORY

by Mary in

jw
friends

what's the worse thing you ever did while drunk (assuming we've all been drunk).........when i was 16, we all got blitzed out of our minds at a witness wedding that happened to take place on hallowe'en.

anyway, on our way home we thought it'd be funny to whip eggs at passing cars.

unfortunately, the first (and last) car i hit was a cruiser.......i realized this as the egg was in mid-air.

WildTurkey

Im not sure but i think mine might have somthing to do with a goat.lol

NO NOT REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

33

Please pray for my dad

by Dogpatch in

jw
friends

for those of you inclined to prayer, i request it in behalf of my dad.

he is in the hospital for a blood clot in his leg, which is potentially quite dangerous.

he cannot move until it is dissolved, if that happens.

WildTurkey

I hope things work out for you Randy, sorry to hear about your Dad.

Edited by - WildTurkey on 23 November 2002 15:15:38

14

Kingdom Hall Football

by WildTurkey in

jw
friends

kingdom hall football.

benchwarmer - those who do not sing.

quarterback sneak - the bad jw leaving quickly after the meeting so the elders dont counsel them.

WildTurkey

lol, Those are good cruzanheart

14

Kingdom Hall Football

by WildTurkey in

jw
friends

kingdom hall football.

benchwarmer - those who do not sing.

quarterback sneak - the bad jw leaving quickly after the meeting so the elders dont counsel them.

WildTurkey

Kingdom Hall Football

Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing

Quarterback Sneak - The bad JW leaving quickly after the meeting so the Elders dont counsel them.

Draw Play - What many children do with the Watchtower during the study.

Halftime - The period between the public talk and the Watchtower study when many choose to leave.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) repeatedly during the meeting.

Staying in the Pocket - thats when the Co visits, and the elders stay in their seats instead of talking at the back of the hall.

Instant Replay - The Speaker gets lost on his outline and starts to repeat things he has already said.

Trap - Youre called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run - Getting out of KH quick, without speaking to any guest or JWs.

Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the talk to affect you.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the talk is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Halfback Option - The decisionof 50% of the congregation not to stay for the Watchtower study.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the Speaker goes "overtime".

Driving Styles

by WildTurkey in

depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

chicago: one hand on wheel, one hand on horn.. .

new york: one hand on wheel, one finger out window.. .

WildTurkey

Depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads, you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks...also cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on the steering wheel

New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head while she's giving head!

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass, chunks of rust falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving too fast or too slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes by.