What's the best way to let someone down gently? (page 3)

RunningMan

I recommend using the Seinfeld method. Here's how it works: You suggest to her that she get a freind to come over so that the three of you can have sex. Either she will get so disgusted that she will dump you, or she will be into it. It's a win-win situation.

ballistic

Of course honesty but if you were brutally honest and listed 101 things wrong with their personality, I think it would be cruel and damaging. Better, I would think, to say "we are so different" rather than point out the individual problems.

DB - no I didn't kick her out - I'm such a sucker.

BlessedStar

Is this girl a virgin?

blessedstar

ballistic

Nope, she has had children although they don't live with her.

BlessedStar

We know that it is the Lord's will for people to have a mate if they desire one.

Being single is an important time to prepare us for marriage. It can also be a time to experience a closer communion with God.

Couples who just "live together" according to the Bible, are committing the same sin that whores commit. Singles who "make love" fall into the same category. Just because society has accepted this type of living does not make it right.

blessedstar

BlessedStar

As Christians, the goal of any relationship should be to cause the people in our lives to love and know the Lord better. Living together is shameful and selfish as the parties do not care what others think or how they might affect their families and others.

They are living to please their own lust and selfish desires. This type of life style is destructive and especially so for children whose parents are living a bad example before them.

No wonder our children are confused about right and wrong when parents degrade the sanctity of marriage by living together out of wedlock. How can living together cause children to love and honor God when their parents break the laws of God before them because they are lustful?

You should have told her you are only into sex.

blessedstar

juni

Ballistic -

Do the adult thing. Be up front and honest. Sooner rather than later.

Hopefully she'll back off - otherwise, have you ever seen the movie "Fatal Attraction"?

Hope things go good.

Juni

tijkmo

I don't want to do the chicken shit thing and ignore her.

well good for u

cos that kind of hurt she didnt ask for

just be honest and then say that u dont mind her still contacting u from time to time if she so desires...she wont for long but might for a bit till the pain subsides

looking_glass

B-man, I think most women would say that they would rather a guy be gentle but honest with them. The whole disappearing thing or ignorning thing is really much more hurtful then honesty.

I think you have said some things here that are truthful and should be expressed. You should say that you feel that you are different people and that you each have different needs. As such, to continue to pursue relationship with her would be hurtful and misleading.

There is nothing worse then a clingy person, whether guy or girl. I dated a guy 3 times. After our third date, he asked me to marry him. "When you know you know" he kept saying. I was so freaked out that I was brutal and said something along the lines of "what the f* is wrong with you .... .blah, blah, blah." It was horrible. I was so unnerved when I finally got away fro him, that I went home, locked myself in my apt., and pushed furniture in front of the front door and fire exit. I proceeded to call my best friend and kept her on the phone until 2 a.m.

I wish I had handled the matter differently, but I did not. However, I think regardless of what I would have said to the guy he would have been crushed. That is the thing you have to keep in mind. Do what you can to soften the blow. Regardless, someone's feelings will get hurt. But it is better know now and not a year down the line after time and emotions are more vested.

BlessedStar

Tell her:

"(Her name) we have to talk. Do you have some time now?"

Next step:

"(her name) it's about our relationship. You are a wonderful and sweet person who deserve the best out of life. I appreciate your friendship and it's has been wonderful to know you. (her name) what I'm trying to say is very difficult but I need to do this. It's for our best interests....."

Wait for response. Ask if she wants to say anything.

Next step:

"(her name) I have been thinking you deserve to be with someone who would love you the way you desire to be loved. I would be dishonest if I told you that I would like us to continue with this relationship. But it wouldn't be fair. I really didn't realise how deep your feelings were to me before and now I know. (her name) I cannot continue to raise your hopes for a future relationship because I am to free-spirited to be committed to anyone. I don't want to hurt you any further. I am a skunk and really interested in sex and having a good time."

blessedstar

What's the best way to let someone down gently?

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