Be well Rowan.
It does get better.
Chris
My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.
by Gerard 79 Replies latest jw friends
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rosalyn
Grace/Mouthy asked me to take a look at your post Gerrard.
My heart aches for you.Do not give up. There are so many of us who care.
I only had a little time this morning to read some of the other posts and what I did read it sounded so helpful,so endearing.
2004 was a terrible year for me and if you could see where I am today you may think"what a wonderful success story?" I still pinch myself when I think at this very moment in 2004 I was so extremely low and getting lower and lower as each day progressed. Landed in the hospital 3 times that year.
Today my situation is wonderful. I have to remember not to get too cocky. I still have to take one day at a time. I still have to remember to stop and breath and take a minute at a time.
Just keep hanging on and remember those baby steps for both of you.
You say you will go to counselling as well. You don't need to be told that counsellors are not created equal. Some are loonier than bed bugs. I, fortunately didn't get many of those. And you don't have to agree with everything they say.
Common sense and gut feelings mean more than most people realize. Of course when you are so low the gut gurgles some pretty weird bile and common sense sort goes somewhere else. Rowan, fortunately has you to help her along this rocky road. You will be her senses sometimes.
She is so lucky to have you. I have met too many that just don't have much support at all.
Medications? Don't let anyone tell you that they have no place in healing. But sometimes it takes several tries to get it right. Sometimes certain meds can make the client very ill indeed. I speak from experience. And because of this I couldn't be pumped full of pills which in turn was a blessing in disguise. But always keep that aspect of the treatment monitored.
I have so many encouraging things to say but alas I need to get at the mundane stuff of laundry but ya know, I find joy in that. Then I work this afternoon(a job that I have always liked) Best of all..... My husband and I are off to visit with our three kids for my birthday. I told them I would be happy with a Harvey's hamburger but we will probably go somewhere with plates and cutlery.
Hang in there.
much love
rosalyn
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onacruse
Gerard and Rowan, I offer my very sincerest thanks to you both for starting this discussion.
The post I deleted was about a Viet Vet, a fellow whom I've known for 25 years, who has never been a JW. He still agonizes from the experiences of what he went through...watching his friends die terribly...the disillusionment...and he's killing himself over it; killing himself emotionally and physically, and lashing out at those around him, who could and want to offer him the support he most needs, and yet refuses. As he and I talked, we both had tears in our eyes...guys, toughing it up, in a bar, where guys are just supposed to be "guys."
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rosalyn
the vet from viet nam....he is remembering what he witnessed....the atrocities ......I think about some of these guys who have buried it so deep that only special tactics can get it out. And then sometimes it only makes things worse.
I am recalling a story told to me by a counsellor who witnessed WW2 Vet bringing his experiences up to the surface. I felt like giving the counsellor a hug. He was truly upset by the anguish he saw this older gentleman go through.
I imagine that some of us ex jws have stuff buried really deep as well and for some it might be better left there. I have no desire to delve any deeper than I have already. However everyone has to make that decision for themselves.
rosalyn
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Quandry
Frodo : [...] I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf : So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
I hope that all the posters who have had similar experiences have been able to help. I know that it helped me tremendously to find this board and know that others have had horrific experiences and are here to offer advice.
My daughter was subjected to the elder's "interrogation room tactics" for hours while they falsely accused her and called her a liar when she would not admit to what they wanted. They humiliated and berated her. She was only sixteen. They made her want to die. They made her feel as though she was worthless and even made her read a scripture that she was filth in God's eyes and would burn in the fire with the devil and his angels.
Needless to say our family has been devastated. This treatment after my husband, an elder at the time, and I had spent over thirty years as the ones who always stayed to clean, followed every tiny rule, scrutinized everything we watched, read, thought, etc. to be in line with the WTS. He was the kind who truly wanted to help others, instead of always following the dictates of prominant ones.
Well, it has been two horrible years now. But you know what? We have decided to live instead of our first inclination to kill ourselves because what had happened was so hard to live with. We finally figured that the WTS would probably feel vindicated if we did do away with ourselves, saying "See what happens when rebellious ones do not accept counsel?" So, we decided to be a thorn in their side by living, and by telling others just what kind of people they are. This, they don't like.
On the up side, since the pain of sitting and thinking about what was going on was too much to bear, we painted the entire inside of our house, including the cielings, landscaped the yard, and rented every movie imaginable. I am even in college, and determined to get a degree.
Yes, we found ourselves with no friends and over fifty years old. But it finally struck us, that "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" And now, we find that we are actually recovering.
Since our backyard is beautifully landscaped now, we enjoy sitting outside and viewing the hummingbirds that come to our hummingbird bushes, and I plan on putting in a birdbath and birdhouses this year. We also have plenty of plants that attract butterflies.
Yes, with time, therapy, this board, love and determination, there IS LIFE after. Please hang in there and know that you both are worthwhile people who deserve happiness. NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!
We must truly decide what to do with the time we have left for us. Please do not let the WTS have any more time by dwelling on the past--please enjoy the time we have been given now.
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Gerard
I started this thread 2 years ago and tonight I felt compelled to post an update. For those who don't know, I have never been a JW, I married an extremely intelligent DF'd girl and we have been nursing each other's wounds and helping each other heal from stuff from the past.
Rowan was released from the hospital after her last suicide attempt and we proceeded with our academic plans. I quit my job and we moved the camp far, far away. She has been working extremely hard at school and will graduate next year. In fact, she is doing so well, she already secured a job with unbelievable benefit$. She continues to have counseling every now and then and has made a lot of progress. Myself also am having treatment (Chinese medicine: acupuncture, herbal and counseling) and have grown more gentle and patient. I steped away from science and started a master degree in acupuncture and i will be graduating at about the same time she will. She has been so supportive of my schooling I cannot believe! Although it is peanuts compared to her field of study.
Since we left no forwarding address, no dub knows in which USA state we live now and her fade has been flawless. Her lovely parents, who I truly love, are still in the cult but they saw the nearly fatal damage it caused her, so they backed off trying to blackmail her back into the meetings. When they come visit is all love and joy. The move out of state was quite good for us. I got rid of the TV and now i spend more time with her .... and with with our new baby daughter! Yes, we became parents of a lovely angel baby. She is 9 months old now and will be raised on the mysteries of Mother Nature, Celtic culture and science. No bible thumpin' for her.
Any way, as i watch our baby sleep tonight and read the bulletin in bed, I thought how far Rowan and I have gone, and how bright and rich our lives are now, and how fuller they will get. I know she is just one little breakthough away from absolute spiritual and mental freedom...just one more healing thought, one more decision to let go, and the pain will subside, the anger will be gone. We often say to each other: "Upset is optional." It sounds funny, but when we embody it, we truylly use it, we discovered that it is! And it does make life so much larger to live in. The support we got back then from this board was overwealming and was lovingly received. So I wanted to touch base and let you know that you were right: life is getting better ever day.
Thank you.
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BabaYaga
Gerard! How wonderful to hear your update! Continued blessings, love, and healing to you, Rowan, and the new little angel in your lives!
Love,
Baba. -
avishai
wonderful news. Congrats on the daughter, kids are wonderful.
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LouBelle
Hi there. I'm am so please yours and Rowans' life has moved along positively and with a lil baby girl!! Rich blessing to the little one. I have a deep desire to be mum to such a treasure one day.
May your family thrive!!
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AdaMakawee
Good morning, Gerard and Rowan, --what an inspirational story to wake up to today. I'm so thrilled to read of your happiness through all the hardships you have endured. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Sounds like you have such a strong love for each other that you will go far in your lives together.
Blessed be to you both!
Ada