Interestingly, when my mom was deleted as a Regular Pioneer after 40 years by the CO and BOE, she remarked that she felt "spiritually RAPED". I sympathize with anyone that feels overwhelmed by the Organization. I really do.
My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.
by Gerard 79 Replies latest jw friends
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Gregor
Rowan & Gerard - I know exactly what you went through. How do I know? Because I have been one of the three JC elders on the other side of the table. It often distressed me when faced with a matter which the WTS had already addressed directly and left no room for discretionary decisions by local elders. One was that a homosexual husband was not grounds for divorce! can you imagine what ity felt like for an elder to deny divorce to a sweet young woman who has discovered she has a gay husband?
Your situation may have not fallen into this kind of Talmudic handcuffing. Self-righteous elders who have run amok arenot rare either.
Best to you both. Remember, "perspective " is the best med in the world. Stand back, look at what happened to you, then ask yourself how much of your brain you want to continue to "rent out" to a wrong done to you in the past bypeople who are not worthy to lick your feet.
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mouthy
'Rowan' is trully beautiful, has a gorgeous body and she is an incredible smart woman just starting her professional career with aim to establishing her private consulting services. Rowan is a loving wife and has a bright future ahead, but has healing to do to reduce the anger and pain, and I will appreciate very much that those of you who have gone through a similar experience can also give her your support and a word of hope to keep on living.
Thank you,I was so sorry to read this post. Now as Granny on board give Rowan a big hug from me & tell her that I understand completly how she feels. I love the way you describe your wife. But it is Rowan I want to talk to.... I think every one knows I have had a support group for ex JWS since 1990.& I have had two in the same postion as Rowan is in. They wanted to die after the WT finished with them. But my darling IT WILL GET BETTER....The two that took an overdose to kill themselves now call me all the time & tell me how grateful they are they didnt do it ( succeed) Life is wonderful for them now .... I have recommendations darling !!! First I would say " Father Creator of the heavens & earth.. Please help me through my rough patch...take this day in your hands & guide me ,take away the thoughts I harbor & put your thoughts in my mind. I ask it in the NAME above all others Jesus Christ AMEN" & also let a counsellor or a Doctor be told how your feeling... Depression is a very diffcult thing to handle even with a loving mate....I have been there done that. So Rowan PLEASE lift up that chin,, take deep breaths when the feeling of dispair arrives .Know that LIFE is worth living at your age.(((((((HUGS))) Love ya!!!! Granny/Mouthy/ Grace
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nvrgnbk
Best to you both. Remember, "perspective " is the best med in the world. Stand back, look at what happened to you, then ask yourself how much of your brain you want to continue to "rent out" to a wrong done to you in the past bypeople who are not worthy to lick your feet.
Very nicely put, Gregor.
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Sunspot
I wish you both, Rowan and Gerard, the very best! I have from suffered depression off and on ever since high school.....so I can't blame the WTS for it as I came into it as an adult well after high school! I CAN say being a JW for 30 years didn't HELP my depression! Always feeling I didn't "make the grade" and wasn't ever good enough, etc.
I DO feel for you, Rowan, on "the-father-who-is-an-elder" business, and what it must have done to you in your situation. Maybe someday he will realize what a huge mistake he has made and what he has done TO you and his relationship WITH you.
You two both have good heads on your shoulders and seem to be sensible in the way you handle things....I think you will do just fine with what you have together!
hugs,
Annie
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anewme
Dear Rowan, get lots of rest and get out into nature and feel God's love and mercy all around you!
Yes, sleeping and resting and quiet and surrounding yourself with beauty is very important to restoring the mind, heart and soul.
Anewme -
Sunspot
Oh shucks!!! I was going to PM you Grace, but decided to put this up for everyone to see! You weren't even SPEAKING to me in your post....but you made ME CRY anyway, when you spoke to Rowan!
What a dear, sweet and loving person you are, and how blessed we ARE for having you around here especially at times like this! You have a very special touch and the biggest heart ayone could ever have, my friend.
love and hugs always,
Annie
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Scully
Gerard,
Thanks for posting on your wife's behalf. I'm glad to see you posting too, Rowan.
Anyone can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. Trauma, while it can involve things like plane crashes, car accidents, wars, or other catastrophic events, is sometimes only in the eyes and heart of the person who feels traumatized. Being subjected to a grueling interrogation of a judicial committee, without any compassion for the distraught, damaged person being interrogated, without any regard for the grief or remorse that is evident, and then being cut off from almost everyone you've ever known and loved, certainly qualifies as a traumatic event. Your description of feeling raped and violated certainly fits the profile of PTSD. Sadly, there are many many other people who have gone through a similar process within the WTS's judicial system, and express the same kinds of feelings of violation and disbelief for the way their situation was handled. I applaud your bravery in getting help to cope with this horrific experience, and for sharing it here for other people to know that they are not alone.
It's wonderful that you want to use your experience, to learn and grow from it, so that eventually you will be able to help others in similar circumstances. I totally understand what that's like - it was my own bout with illness that compelled me to go to nursing school and now I am in a position to help other people going through the same illness. I can't begin to explain the deep personal satisfaction that comes from finding a mission in life like this, and then going through the necessary steps to overcome it and then be in a position to help others.
One thing that really helped me was the realization that I can't control what other people do, but I can control my own actions and how I respond to what other people do and say. It helped me shed so much unnecessary guilt and shame in my life - the same guilt and shame that made me feel that I needed the JWs to have any kind of worthwhile existence. The guilt and shame kept me spiritually, mentally and emotionally shackled in bondage to the WTS. The truth is that my life has been better these last 10 years without the JWs than it was in the 30 or so years that they were part of my life. I used to think that I was "better off dead" and that I should just be done with it and save Jehovah the trouble of destroying me at Armageddon™. I was always Waiting on Jehovah™ to set things right, and I was miserable, thinking that he didn't give a crap about me or my family. Once I stopped Waiting on Jehovah™ and started identifying what I could do to set things right and took action in that direction, I realized that I didn't really need Jehovah at all; that I was perfectly capable of looking after myself and my family without his help. The next time someone tells me to Wait on Jehovah™, I'm going to tell them that Jehovah can kiss my lily white @$$.
Hugs and all the best wishes to you for your success, Rowan!!
Love, Scully
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LittleToe
{{{Gerry + Rowan}}}
Another life royally screwed over by the WTS, but still here to tell the tale!
I'm glad to hear that you are both seeking counselling, and getting the assistance you need. Its wonderful that you found each other and have that support, too. Keep on fighting, even when you feel you have little strength left for the fight. Don't let the b*st*rds get ya down!
Its in situations like this that this Board really comes into its own. You come to realise that you aren't alone. Even though your precise circumstances are unique and your own, there are still others who may have gone through something similar and can understand and empathise.
You may not feel like it at times, but you are winners!!!
{{{Gerry + Rowan}}}
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Frannie Banannie
((((((((Rowan)))))))) (((((((((Gerard)))))))))
I can certainly empathize with you, Rowan. I was isolated from everyone I had known after 20 yrs in the WTS and in a strange place for about 7 yrs after I left. It wasn't until I got online in '99, that I finally found places to vent and plenty of info to help me begin healing from the WTS damage. I must have attempted suicide about half a dozen times in that first 7 yrs, give or take a time or two. You are so blessed (or lucky or whatever) to have your hubby, Gerard, who very obviously loves you and is so supportive of you. Give him huge hugs!!!
I wish I had the following link during those 7 yrs: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/76182/1.ashx <<<That link is to JanG's recovery thread that Lady Lee has compiled in her list of "Best of..." threads (3rd one down under Jehovah's Witnesses in the drop down box above). It will amaze you to see all the info that applies to what you're going through. All the symptoms. The hyperlinks in that thread contain info that will be good, not only for you, but for your hubby, too. Please share the info with your hubby. It will help him tremendously in understanding what you're going through, since he's said he's kind of in the dark where your problems are concerned.
I didn't know what to tell the psychiatrists who attempted to treat me for depression and never mentioned the WTS or my resultant PTSD because I didn't know that's what was wrong. At least, now you have a "heads-up" on the whole enchillada, chere.
My best wishes and my heart goes out to you both.
((((((((((((((MEGAHUGAROONIES)))))))))))))
Frannie