My wife "Rowan" needs of your support too.

by Gerard 79 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  onacruse

  Rowan:

  This morning I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. My confort zone all these years has been to numb my feelings and immerse myself in work. It is awkward and painful to face all these issues, another symptom of PTSD, and ironically a treatment in itself. I always related PTSD with war and plane crashes, I guess, Tall Penguin, that it might not be so rare among ex members of cults.

  Oh, my dear lady! You perhaps have no idea how many of us feel the same way, even when we couldn't, and still do have difficulty, identifying that within ourselves! GEEEEZ! Just within the last couple of months, I and and my dear wife have been discussing the same things, about me.

  Many, many hidden things, deeply hidden and utterly inexplicable things, that come back and haunt us, in our sleeping dreams, and in our day dream-life.

  My heart is with you.

  Empathetically,

  Craig
• 

  Sunspot

  Grace and Gerard---you have nice long PMs....

  hugs to Rowan too...

  Annie
• 

  Sunspot

  Many, many hidden things, deeply hidden and utterly inexplicable things, that come back and haunt us, in our sleeping dreams, and in our day dream-life.

  And isn't THAT the truth!

  Sometimes I really wonder....what OTHER RELIGION is there that has the penchant and the capacity to reduce nice people to this state of mind? This is SUPPOSED TO BE a "Christian" religion, and the followers will swear that it IS, but good heavens just LOOK at what it DOES to people!

  I am most grateful deep in MY heart---for the folks here that totally understand the inner turmoil we go through and can actually empathize with us every step of the way from deep within THEIR hearts. The LOVE and genuine CARING here is not to be equalled anywhere that I know of!

  I am SURE that the WTS will receive a very special judgement for pretending to BE Christian....and for the horrors they have heaped on those that have had the courage to leave this evil and hideous cult.

  sincere hugs to all,

  Annie
• 

  Big Tex

  This morning I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. My confort zone all these years has been to numb my feelings and immerse myself in work. It is awkward and painful to face all these issues, another symptom of PTSD, and ironically a treatment in itself. I always related PTSD with war and plane crashes, I guess, Tall Penguin, that it might not be so rare among ex members of cults.

  Another survivor of the JW abuse checking in. I want to echo the brilliant posts by Scully and Little Toe who, as always, puts things together better than I could hope to!

  I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1987 and I had a nervous breakdown the year before. So I do understand how you're feeling. That "numbed" out behavior is called disassociative behavior and occurs when the world/your problems/traumatic experience and how you feel about them get so big your mind shuts down. And you will stay in a disassocitive state (numbed out) until you deal with those big feelings. That you have PTSD shows just how bad it was. I remember reading an article on Yahoo news just a few days ago (tried searching and couldn't find it naturally) that said mental and emotional cruelty can often cause more damage, such as PTSD, than physical abuse. In other words, what you went through is every bit as bad, if not worse, than physical torture in that it can cause more damage and more lasting damage. Worse, there are no outward scars; no one can see how bad it is inside. Except you. Right now, all that anger and fear are bubbling inside acting like a literal poison to your mind and body. And worse, it's surrounded by layers of shame. The shame is there to keep you quiet. Shame will be your biggest obstacle to overcome in therapy.

  Rowan, it can and will get better. It may not seem that way now, but if I could scratch and claw my way back to sanity I know you can as well. My wife, Nina, saw a therapist for a year after she left. Yes, it's that bad. My one piece of advice is that you don't make the mistake I made. I fought therapy, I found dealing with all those negative emotions was unpleasant and I much preferred dealing in data (who did what to whom and why). What took me a long to realize was that while data has its place, what is more important than who hurt you or why, but how you feel about it that really matters. This is what working with a good psychologist can do: not change what happened in the past, but change how you feel about those events.

  It takes time, but you'll get there. Just hang in there okay? You are a valuable person and we need you.

  Chris
• 

  cruzanheart

  Rowan, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. You are definitely doing the right thing by going to therapy, and please make sure your therapist has experience in dealing with cults.

  When I left, I suffered anxiety and panic attacks because a lifetime of being one of Jehovah's Witnesses had convinced me that by leaving I was condemning my children to death. It took therapy and antidepressants to get past that, and I still carried the anger for a couple more years until I was given the opportunity to unload it on a couple of elders who finally got around to calling on me (I hadn't attended meetings for a year and a half, but, well, "everyone these days are SO busy" [gag]).

  Getting better is a very gradual process and sometimes consists of one step forward and two back for a while but I swear it will improve!!! Look around at all of these loving posts by people who have made it to the other side of sanity and take comfort from that. We're here for you. Whatever you are feeling, one of us (at least) has been there and can relate, can tell you what will work, and all of us can just sit and cry with you until you feel better.

  My husband Chris (Big Tex) had a really cool therapist tell him that abused children are denied the love of two people for a lifetime, but instead they have a lot of people who love them for a little while. Welcome to your family, Rowan!

  Lots of hugs,

  Nina
• 

  Odrade

  Hey Rowan, I'm not going to say I know how you feel, because the depression thing... I just don't identify that well. I DO understand the anger though, and the feelings of PTSD. A few years ago, I was so angry and hurt, I would burst into tears or start yelling and ranting about some random, insignificant thing that happened. It was embarrassing and frustrating, since I never knew precisely what was going to "set me off."

  I did get counseling, it helped a great deal, especially with feeling like I was in control of my own life again (or maybe for the first time.) One of the things the counselor helped me to understand is that I cannot be too attached to what I expect of other peoples' behavior. My mother was never going to act like my idea of what a mother should be. My dad may likely never detach from the WT, and may always see me through the veil of WT indoctrination - no matter how happy, successful, or eloquent I could be with him. My brother... well, I love him, but he can be a bit of a jackass. Nothing I do can change that.

  So I learned that the things I do, I have to do for me, because I am the only person whose actions and reactions I can control. I learned that it was okay to be angry and sad that the people I love won't see things the way I wish, but it's not my fault or responsibility. I also learned it was okay to be furious with the stupid WT organization that robbed me and my family of so many normal things.

  Nobody can tell you to get over it, but you can learn to eventually make those feelings and memories more like old photographs that you can take out, look at, and remember what it was like and how you felt, but when you've looked, you can put them away and get on with today.

  Lots of luck.

  O
• 

  Shakita

  Dear Rowan, We were all part of a very controlling, judgmental, harsh and unloving religion. The WT taught your father how to behave and how to treat any of his children that didn't tow the line. You have suffered because you did not receive the unconditional love that you deserved to receive. It is understandable that you are feeling these intense emotions and that you are going through a depression. You are a good person Rowan. Every reaasonable person can see that. Perhaps you don't believe it because of the abusive way that this religion treats its members. Don't believe it. Believe that you are a vibrant, intelligent, worthwhile woman that deserves to be respected and loved. I send my love and support. You will get through this Rowan. Love, Mr. Shakita
• 

  orangefatcat

  Gerald it is so heartwarming that you and Rowan have such love for one another. That will go a long way in the healing process. I love it when mates are so in love and caring to one another.

  I have had my 15 minutes of fame with the JC and when I decided to make the big move, I refused to be drawn and quartered and humiliated by a bunch of men. So I just picked up my old kit bag and walked away and never looked back. That proved to me I had power too.

  When ever I see Grace (mouthy) posting I know it will be a deep genuine love and concern for that person. One special thing between Grace and I is that we were in the same congregation in Montreal and I can attest to her profound empathy for others.. God bless you Grace.

  Rowan and Gerald I suffered and still suffer extreme depression as I have bi-polar illness. All I can say is that speaking to someone is good, sitting down or laying down with your loved one is soothing, beautiful music, candles and warms bubbles in a bath or hot tub seem to wash some of that anxiety away.Wishing you both many years of love and happiness.

  I worship and love God and Christ with all me heart and it is not the God of the WTS. I find great solice in prays, hymns and speaking with my pastor. I sincerely hope that the two of you will find the inner peace you need in your lives.

  Love Orangefatcat

  Terry.
• 

  rowan

  Oh dear all, your response is overwheming, thank you all SO MUCH for supporting me in this way. well, you do know what it means to me and it makes me even more grateful.

  I am in a psychiatric ward right now. My parents don't know, they would get distressed and blame it on my "leaving the truth". How wonderful it is to be part of an online, ongoing supporting community. I feel lucky that I live in these times and have all these resources that allow us to communicate. you are my friends now, and how amazing is the love that is freely given to another human being, just because.

  I am taking my time reading each of your posts. every one is precius to me and helps me in my recovery. My brain is not functioning very well, so I am going slowly.

  Gerry, I love you. I can't count how many times this guy has literally saved my life.

  Finally, please excuse my addled brain, one of you said in a post something along the lines "I wish I could get these experiences and pain removed from my head". That's how I feel, so much anger and pain, bottled up. I have to learn to let go. Today in session they quoted: "Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past". and I want to forgive, or better said, let go.

  Thank you for the links, I will be reading that material too.

  love,

  Rowan
• 

  Gregor

  I think you should follow up on Lady Lees advice columns. After the statement --

  "The Best of... Lady Lee You might find the following the moist helpful in what I have written..."

  I think I might look into them myself. Moist is a good thing.

  w/apology to LL. I can't resist a good typo.