by collegegirl21 75 Replies latest social relationships
Maybe you should read: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (Hardcover) by Greg Behrendt I haven't read it, but I've heard it discussed a lot.
I was just going to recommend this book. I haven't read it yet but someone recommended it to me recently too.
The situation sounds really wierd. I would think he would enjoy you staying over. somrthing is just not right.
he uses listerine right after we kiss or have sex or whatever
That's not normal at all. I think he has some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. He's trying to hide that from you. While you are happy to have your own place, you are his ideal girlfriend because he can engage in his compulsive cleanliness without scrutiny.
I own that book, lol. I had to read it for my Psych of Human Sexuality class I took last year.
Do you think he's just afraid of not telling me? I told him if he didn't want to be with me to tell me and that I would walk away, but he seems to stick around and I'm just not sure what to think of it. I thought he might not have been that into me either, until he said that at this point in our relationship he's loved me more than even his ex-wife and any of his ex-girlfriends. I mean, when we aren't fighting over me being insecure or the spending the night thing, we are so close, its like we're two peas in a pod. I just don't know how to react to this sort of situation because I've never dealt with something like this before.
mmmm sounds very sus,he should want to stay over and have you stay at his place.
His reasoning for not letting you stay is very werid as well
all the best
es
If you really love him and want to try to make it work then maybe the best thing would be to tell him you think he has obsessive compulsive problems and that's why you feel he doesn't like the "sleeping over" thing. See if he's willing to get some help for this.
Also do you know why his first marriage didn't work out? There may be some answers to your questions there...
Just some ideas. Of course these are just my thoughts because I have no flippin clue as to my own life half the time. Hope everything works out for you though.
His first marriage didn't work out because his wife wanted to party all the time and she didn't want to take care of their son. At first I thought he didn't want me to spend the night because of his son, but we've all gone on trips together and slept in hotels together. And his ex-girlfriend before me slept over with his son all the time too.
I've tried talking with him about his OCD, and today was my final straw and so he said when he goes in on Monday that he'll talk to his doctor. But what I don't get is how come his ex-girlfriend could spend the night and they were only together a few months and him and I have been together for quite a while and he's even met my Ministerial Servant dad (that's a whole other post, but lets just say, he came out with my bf and I and we went to a bar and all had a blast!!!))) and we've gone on his family outings together. I've been trying to figure it out on my own for a while, but I need people who have had relationship experience to help out with this one.
Call me an old bit**, but what was that bit about comparing you to a child with a toy?
O.K. College girl- Mr. Flipper here. Here's what I think. I think your boyfriend is the one who is insecure and he is doing what's called projecting in psychology. That is when a person makes you feel wrong or guilty about something that is really their own insecurity. Happens all the time. Perhaps this guy having been hurt perhaps in other relationships is afraid of getting emotionally close to you but does not want to admit it ,out of pride. So it's easier for his self worth to say that you are insecure and blame it on you. that way he doesn't have to face his own insecurities. He has some work to do on himself. You need to ask yourself if you care enough to help him see his insecurities , or do you get frustrated too much with him that you just want to cut your losses? It's certainly your decision to make, however don't let this guys immaturity or insecurities rob you of happiness you deserve. Give him a chance, see how it works, but if you try and he still does not respond, it might be time to move on. Peace to you my friend, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Call me an old bit**, but what was that bit about comparing you to a child with a toy?
That was totally my thought too. Treating her like a petulant child? My head would have exploded at that one. I actually had a boyfriend who'd pull the no staying over thing, just like this. We were sleeping together and everything, but he had this thing against staying the night, so as long as he technically slept somewhere else, he was fine. Come to find out, he was Mormon, and although he was being bad according to his beliefs, it wasn't *quite* as bad as if he stayed the night. Strange, but at least it explained a few things....
