My father just beat my brother- (page 10)

termite 35

this all sounds so bloody familiar, i'm so sorry you're having to cope with all this...I remember trying to call the polic SO many times but haVing the phone wrenched out of my hands.You may have to look at all this from the US viewpoint on domestic violence...in the us i believe the police will prosecute EVEN IF INJURED PARTTY TRIES TO DROP IT.They see it as something that is non negotiable and so should we. we get trapped into not reporting because of family wishes,What if next time he does hit his head badly? what if he dies? i have had to watch and suffer apalling injureis due to such crap...CALL THE POLICE OR SOCIAL SERVICES ANNANAMOUSLY, then they'll be no come back... they'll just assume a neighbour heard and reported it.PLEASE...look at me...he'll be f****d up for life if you don't .love to youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

teejay

Thanks for the update, Ashi. This is the first thread I checked when I logged on.

You say that your brother is gifted, that he is way more mature than others his age. Well, those traits must run in the family (in the kids, anyway), cause the way it looks from here I will say that the same surely applies to you.

I liked the way you expressed your insight into how things are... for example, what you plan to do for the weekend. It doesn't mean much, but at least *I* feel better about the situation. I think you and your brother have very level heads.

Take care, my Man, and please keep us posted.
tj

Julie

Hi Naeblis,

Well your taste in Hockey Teams is for crap but you have your moments of brilliance in spite of that disadvantage:

You said:

:I can't agree with you. It's not so simple to leave it in his hands. His mindset can't be normal and what's "fine" to him is not "fine" to people that aren't being knocked around.

Amen to that my friend! You are so on the money! In a sad story I know of one sibling was abused much more than another. The lesser abused one has confronted the abuser. The abuser then turns to the abused for "back up" defense. The abused, still trying to curry favor with the abuser calls the sibling insisting "it is ok", "I was a bad kid", "I deserved what I got", etc.. Apparently there was no reasoning with him. I also understand such thinking to be common. Isn't it horrifying to think of the incredibly low self-esteem this represents??

You also said:

:Right now he's probably thinking if he forgets about it it probably won't happen again, or he'll be more careful next time.

You are right on the money again my dear Naebs. Textbook victim thinking, "it will be different this time".

You clever boy.

Warm regards, (BTW, Go Wings!!!)
Julie

ashitaka

Perhaps my detractors weren't listening. MY BROTHER IS GOING TO THE COPS THE NEXT TIME HE DOES IT.

How much more cooperation do I need? He has no "oh, but I was bad" attitude. You perceive our inaction as cowardice or brainwashing. It is nothing of the sort.

No one should deride my brother for his caution. Frankly, I am surprised at his courage and patience. He knows that things won't change overnight, and that he has to play his cards right to keep himself safe, not just for the night he is in the police station safe and sound, but for all of the nights of his life.

I don't know how many of you have been through this. I have. I know the abuser in question. I know where his violent limit is. I also know when he may stike again. I have a plan in the works to keep my family safe. I also have a plan to put to justice those who harm my family. I think I've been too distant on this thread.

I AM TAKING CARE OF THE SITUATION. MY BROTHER'S LIFE IS NOT HANGING IN THE BALANCE.

May I remind all those who disagree that caution is necessary....NECESSARY. If you see a man robbing a bank, and you chase him yelling, "You stop you evil bank robber you," while he has a gun in his hand, how prudent is this?

I think that all those who want revenge for me and my brother can rest easy. It will come, but you must all be patient; just as patient as we are. I am the person who had it for 20 years. My brother's trials are just beginning, but the abuse may be near the end, BECAUSE I WILL NOT LET MY FATHER HARM A HAIR ON HIS HEAD.

Do you guys understand?

ashi

siegswife

Ashi, I'm glad to hear that you feel reassured and that your brother has agreed to report it if it happens again.

Maybe next time you see your dad you should shake his hand cordially, and tell him quietly so that only he hears you, that if it ever happens again you'll "hog tie the Sonofabitch and toss him on the front lawn for the cops to pick." That may rattle him and prevent a reoccurance. Has he ever had anyone threaten or stand up to him like that?

ashitaka

Seigs,

I threatened to kill him, with knife in hand, many years ago. My mother told him she'd kill him if he hurt me. All of his friends have abandoned him. He's not afraid of them. He does have a healthy fear of me though. He said 'no' to my brother coming over tonight, and I just shot him a look. Then he said 'ok'.

The cops may instill the fear of God into him, though. The JW's certainly haven't. Gutless coward, bastard abuser.

teejay

Ashi,

For what it's worth...

If detractors is what you have here (I don't think so), a bit of advise: fuck 'em.

Go with YOUR plan, but be ready to implement Plan B. Only YOU can live your life, and only your brother can live his.

Take care,
tj

ashitaka

Teej,

I was just getting tired of critisism....this isn't exactly easy, you know.

I know people care, but I felt like a piece of shit every time someone said I would be a criminal if I didn't report, you know what I mean?

ashi

teejay

Ashi,

Hey... no need to explain. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I feel ya, bro.

I just wanted to let you know that everyone here cares about you and wants what's best for your brother, even though it may not always come across that way. People forget that this is not a exactly a new situation for you... that you've lived it yourself and know something about it. On the other hand, many others have the benefit of hindsight as well as knowledge of many similar experiences.

Personally, I think you're a CHAMP and deserve a lot of credit for being the real man of the family. My hat's off to you. I wish that when I was your age I had the sense you do.

Keep swinging, my Brother. Keep swinging.

Peace,
tj

mommy

Ashi,
This is what I was afraid of. I don't want you to feel they are thinking less of you. I don't think anyone does, they are offering their opinion on this subject. Everyone of us would handle the situation different, you must remember that. When you brought it out in the public, you are going to have to finish it in public, just the way it is. Or leave us hanging But it is here, and everyone has a say in it now.

You and your family has to feel 100% sure about the course of action you are taking now. You do, because if anything happens to him you have to know you did everything in your power to end this. If you feel you have, that is all that counts. Your brother has to feel safe, most importantly, and you are providing him a haven.

I still feel it is important to get him some counseling, I know they can do that at his school, without your father knowing. He is living this day in and day out, and may think it is normal. If he gets some counseling, he may become educated, and ready to put an end to the abuse. Which ultimately is the only way he will be safe.

As you have said, you cannot force him, but you can sway him. By letting him know you are behind him no matter what, this will make him stronger. Also you said he is a good student, perhaps he can take some advanced courses towards his Associates degree while he is still in school. That way if he is forced from the home, he will have a jump start on his education. And knowing he is closer to college will give him the courage to continue his education young, instead of the quick cure of getting a job. He is so young and has many options ahead of him, encourage him as much as you can.

Good luck sweetie
wendy

When I leave, you will know I have been here

My father just beat my brother-

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