My father just beat my brother- (page 8)

waiting1

Good morning Ashi,

Sometimes life is just not good, to put it mildly. In actuality - no one here has the right to make decisions for you - as MD brought out once, this is a Discussion Board (I'll leave her yelling caps out.) However, lots of us can give advice - but then our own personalities and backgrounds come into play.

It seems you are familiar with the laws in your state - can you go in and talk with a professional social worker - face to face? It might help you a lot.

Finances play a part in this, to be sure. What will your mother do? What can you and your young wife do? Only you know that. We don't. Is there a crisis center there? People who've gone through this you can talk with?

We're friends here - on one level. We're strangers on a lot of levels. This is a reality. You have a situation that you will have to deal with. Are there groups like Al-Anon in your area for abuse victims? Perhaps call?

You've been able to give more information this morning, and much valid advice on both sides of the argument has been put up. But the crux of the matter is still your little brother. Plese don't be too fast to take his word on what's going on - he's a kid who's been beaten and has had to live with this kind of crap his entire life.

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this as a boy, and now, have to go through it again. Bad parents seem to just stay around in our lives. Take care, you can handle it - many others have. You just have to think of a way to do it, and others in your community may be able to help you.

waiting

25ashitaka25

You know, I'm only 22. Why can't people older than myself, act older than myself?

ashi

Julie

Dear Ash,

I am so sorry to read of your family situation. I know what it is like to be in your shoes. I have done all I can to save my brothers, always have. I am of two minds on this issue. One comes from the rational, civilized adult and thinks, he (you) should take it easy and legal, he knows what's right and will figure out an answer. The other part of my mind thinks, well in Shawshank Redemption they just beat a guy so bad he couldn't even talk (ever again) so he never could press charges. Guess that part of my mind comes from the abusive childhood thing, eh?

You're in my thoughts and remember, northern Michigan might offer a nice, safe hiding place for someone.....

Julie, who always keeps her e-mail open

willy_think

he is your bro. call the cops.
if the active JWs tell you you should not have done that, tell them if what your dad did is ok then the cops will say so, right.

willy think: thread killer

Michael3000

Yes- CALL THE COPS!

"Any day spent NOT knocking on doors is a good day!"

outnfree

((((((Ashi)))))) ((((((Ashi's wife))))))

Just reading this now, hon'.

Having read the whole thread I still like the first of alamb's Steps to take NOW!!!

1. Phone the police. Tell them you want to make an incident report. They will not act on it, just document it. Get the report number for future use. Go to the police station tomorrow and get a copy of it, it's free.

I did this when my nephew threatened my life and I was reasonably worried that he might act on it as he had said the same to several people (stupid idiot!!!). Because I was living in fear of him snatching his daughter away and/or killing me (I'm his daughter's guardian) and I was getting migraines with the stress. The officer came to my home, took my complaint, and put it on record. This, he explained, was so that if my nephew ever DID come to the house and cause a disturbance the incident wouldn't be treated cavalierly but a squad car would be dispatched immediately.

Doing so will NOT threaten the family with break-up, but may be a protection if your father should chronically treat your brother as badly as he did you.

And, please, try to convince your mother to have your brother seen by a doctor.

I do think that your mother needs help as well. Sometimes we are so caught up in the never-ending chaos that living with a man such as your father creates that common sense (let alone rational thought) goes by the wayside. She may simply be too busy emotionally (especially given the death and sickness of her parents) to THINK!
You must try to help her out here.

I am heartened very much by the love, compassion, anger even!, that you're showing and the maturity, too. Your brother is lucky to have concerned relatives such as you and your wife.

outnfree

When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies ... -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love

mommy

Ashi,
Thanks for the update Sending warm thoughts your way.
wendy

When I leave, you will know I have been here

ashitaka

Just as an update-there is no update.

My brother refuses to do anything, and says if I said something, he wouldn't cooperate.

Amazing. I just don't get it. When I was his age, I talked to EVERYBODY about what happened to me.

What psychology is at work, here?

I was always defiant-the rest of my family is afraid (except for my mother). I just don't understand how they can let it go on.

And, tomorrow, they will forget entirely about it, that is, until the next time my brother gets my father's dander up-then it will start all over again.

The elders didn't brainwash me, but they may have subtly gotten to the rest of them, even though they don't attend anymore.

I almost wish my wife didn't tell me. I despise feeling helpless-it's about one step from feeling worthless.

I've had to relive the past with the same end result-even though I swore I wouldn't let it affect the rest of them, ever.

On a nicer note, you guys are great for helping me out, though I barely know you.

ashi

"You ever get lonely?."
"Only around people."

-Thin Red Line

OUTLAW

Don`t let it get you down Ashi.You can`t save someone that dosen`t want to be saved.Cold but true...OUTLAW

teejay

Hello, Ashi.

I hope you and your brother had a better day today than yesterday. Personally, I cannot imagine either living in a home that was dominated by such an abusive adult or knowing that my little bro lives that way. I couldn't help it, but I thought a lot about you guys today.

Above, you said, "I can honestly say that my father wouldn't be as abusive if he didn't have scriptures to 'back him up'.

All I can say to that is, "I agree." My point was only that JWs aren't the only people to use the scriptures (or 'Holy' writings, whatever the brand) as justification to cruelly dominate their children. It's not just a Watchtower Society phenomenon.

The thought occurred to me: I wonder of all abusive parents, what percentage are atheists/agnostics. I wonder if the percentage would be much less than bible/Koran believing abusers.

Take care.
tj

My father just beat my brother-

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