My father just beat my brother- (page 5)

mommy

No offense Waiting,
I am a professional. I have been trained to counsel families in this situation. What has happened is not anything that has not happened before. His willingness to do this in front of a person, who may be family, but not close knit, shows he does not care.

I am not saying the police should not become involved, but in this situation, with the family head, a plan in place in important. What is likely to happen after he is arrested is the family will take him back. Because they rely on his financial support, and this really isn't abnormal for them.

If the members involved, jump the gun, then it takes even longer to get back to the point of reaching out for help again.

I realize everyone is wanting action taken now...I assure you, it can only be fruitful if done in the right way. Ashi, if you need further help please let me know. Also Silentlambs has the links on his site for further help.
wendy

When I leave, you will know I have been here

Tina

Hi waiting!
I'm totally with you here. Don't need to be a pro. to see whats happening here and to act on it. Heck,that's why all the abuse awareness education out there to the public! Just like the poster you described. Things like there are put out for all of us,anyone to show what happens if this is not stopped.
And who knows better than you.You described the cycle perfectly!

Ashi,trust me on this. Everything is NOT ok. alamb also gave you specific pro-active steps to take here. Doesn't the fact that the whole family made a conscious choice to hide this mean something? That is nothing but heinous. Abuse and violence thrive on secrecy. Secrecy is the power that feeeds and fosters this.
Choices in life,especially the important ones are nevr easy ashi.
Ask yourself if family loyalty is worth the violence,the potential fatal outcome. Because this is a sick dysfunctional loyalty. because if that happens,there is no more choice is there? that WILL occur again.........and again..........there's a saying in recovery."we are only as sick as our secrets".

I've been a victim of violence and abuse. Don't let 'flowers' become the last words. T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

Tina

Hi wendy,
I am a pro too. But on this one,I have to disagree with you.
I don't view this as jumping the gun. This is about protecting a life. And yes,there are some different stances on this issue.
In the med profession. A doctor and other clinicians are mandated to report this,not later,or after they've thought it thru. But immediately,as soon as suspected. There is a primary issue here. Saftey. The other issues,which are deemed secondary are addressed by social workers etc.
This isn't like an interevention,say for an alcoholic,getting him in treatment. This is an entire family in crisis.Each and eryone one of them must be made aware that this is not accepatble,let alone illegal. Sometimes,this is the catalyst that will cause changes. The family can be monitored,given therapy,learn positve parenting skills from those following the case. Not all kids are immediately taken away. Not all Fathers are made to leave the family unit.
I would tend to err on the side of caution here. Just my thoughts. T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

Andee

With all due respect to everyone,

This is a case of CHILD ABUSE. That is what needs to be dealt with.
IMO, Ashi's Mother is just as guilty. She allows that kind of abuse to be metted out to her children. I don't care what he has done to her, she is an adult. She obviously has some serious emotional problems. I have no idea what the dynamics of their marriage, and at this point, I couldn't care less. How could she just allow her child being thrown down the stairs??? He could have died! Then she goes and works with the guy?? And I don't care about any lame "battered woman" excuse.

That boy needs to be removed from that home! In california, it takes someone with police powers to do that. If Ashi goes to the police, he needs to make them aware of his record and that he has the potential of extreme violence. His wife was a witness to the violence. The police and the courts (unless they are complete morons) understand that even an abused child's first loyalty are to the parents.

I know it is going to be gut wrenching. However, not so gut wrenching than to be at this kids funeral.

Ashi, my thoughts are with you.

Andee

OUTLAW

Hey Ashi,Waiting and Tina are on the money!...OUTLAW

mommy

Tina,
I agree there are different stances taken on this issue. I am looking for the long term happy ending, not an immediate 24 hour hold. If the police are involved tonight, they will not be tomorrow. Tina you know that it takes much longer than 24 hours for a woman to stop being a victim. I am not saying waits weeks, months, years, I am saying go tomorrow and sit down with Social Services, and get help. I honestly feel that calling in the big boys will only infuriate him more. And it appears his little spat is over for tonight.

Ashi,
You know that what has happened to you and your family has happened for a long time. That this behavior has become "normal" for you all. I really think it is important for you to take care of yourself and your little brother. Let it be real with him, and tell him what you experienced and what feelings went through your head. 7of9 is right, you must take care of him. If you can give him any hope of coming out of that house normal then you need to do so.

For tonight, hold your wife, cry together...do not let anger take over. You both have so much you are still dealing with Ashi, trust on the love you have to pull you through.
wendy

When I leave, you will know I have been here

Tina

Hi again wendy, I agree,but I wasn't talking about a 24 hr 'solution'. The primary issue here is safety. That nneds to be done now. All the other stuff is secondary to this issue. This is not 'a spat'. I know from writing social service reports,that this intervention is what starts the ball rolling for long term solutions.
The police are the first legal step in this. This intervention which can be kicked to social services is part of the process. Not an easy one,but that's how it often works.
I agree,there is much sadness in these situations. But who is holding that child tonight.? And crying with/for him? Just more thoughts,T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

teejay

Ashi,

I am not a professional. I have never been on either side of a family situation anywhere close to something like this, outside of me and my brother having fights when we were teenagers.

All I know is that if I was a 14yr old kid, I'd sure wish to hell someone... SOMEONE... would help me. And if I had a 14yr old family member -- brother, sister, niece, nephew... whatever -- I'd sure as hell do something very proactive to help them. But that's me.

Prayer is nice, I guess, but I'm thinking God is riding this one out, waiting to see what humans will do, like he always does.

Keep us posted. Our thoughts are with you and your little brother.

peace,
tj

alamb

Make use of the school's counsellors also. They can report anonymously if you need that or they can approach your brother with you there and explain what needs to be done and what is going to happen so he is comfortable with it. He doesn't need any more stress right now and some positive actions and a stable environment will give him some security. Someone needs to be the adult here and obviously it isn't either of your parents.

Ranchette

Wendy,
I don't want you to feel you are not being heard. I think I understand some of what you are saying.

You said,
a plan in place is important.

I agree.
They need a plan and I don't believe calling the police is the only answer.
Calling the police is definitely not the only place to report.

The police should be called in an emergency and when a crime has been witnessed.
In child abuse cases it can sometimes be only suspicioned abuse that causes you to be obligated to report.

Ash has a history on this and social services would probably be another place to go. There’s probably more.
I know that you are right about the police being called and then the abuser can get out of jail that night madder and meaner than before.
The point is this,
Do not ignore this or let it go on any more.
Ash may have to fight for custody.

The mother has to ask for help for herself.

But the child is a different story.
Many of us who were abused would have appreciated outside help later.

p.s.I was rereading your post and wonder if you woulkd explain this statement,
What has happened is not anything that has not happened before

I hope you don't mean this like it sounded.

People have atempted murder,rape and other violent crimes but an atempt is just as serious as a crime that is sucessful.

Ranchette

My father just beat my brother-

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