the high cost of divorcing a JW............

by oompa 89 Replies latest social relationships

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  quietlyleaving
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  Farkel

  :Re: the high cost of divorcing a JW............

  Not to mention the high cost of marrying one. I know.

  Farkel
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  still_in74

  plus all of your "friends & family" take your ex's side and support them instead of you.....
• 

  Awakened at Gilead

  so she will let me have my new friends over.....dfd....apostates....my gay sister and her partner.........

  WTF!!!!!!!????????

  Sorry Oomps, but in WTland you are the head of the household. So you need to openly invite your friends/family/gay lovers/spirit mediums/etc, over and she is the one who needs to deal with it. You are letting the Borg control your decisions too much.

  You are the captain of your ship. Especially in the Borg. So start your engine, put some wind in your sails, and invite some apostafriends over. Your wife can accept them or reject them. But she is bound to change and your life will too. If it's for the better, great. If things sour, so be it. But your indecision will be over, and so will your need for therapy, drinking to esacpe, and writing threads so you can get thru the day.

  Life is good, man, start enjoying it.
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  jgnat

  Dad planned a round the world trip. I remember the catalogues and manuals of the yachts sitting on our bookshelf. He built his first boat, a little Mirror. All us children learned to sail in fresh water latkes.

  Wife number one couldn't cope. Wife number two did not tolerate vermin or dirt. Then the emphysema caught him. He has a new dream. King Bridge player of the planet. He's having fun at it.

  The point of a pro and con list is to WRITE IT DOWN. On paper, you can see which list is shorter. That's your clue.

  Who else has it as bad as a JW? A Seventh-Day Adventist pastor. He lost his family and his career in one fell swoop. All because SHE had an affair on him. The saddest man you ever saw. He went to movies just to be around people. Didn't help. Made him feel lonlier. He joined our divorce recovery group, recovered, found a beautiful lady.
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  oompa

  Great timing lance....but dont forget what otwo said....he loves his wife enough to do stuff with friends AWAY from home......i am having WORLDLY employes over saturday for the first time.....they are into offroad jeeps (and i have one)....and guns.....i now have four....and my first handgun.......a Glock 45!!!!!!!.......have a target range off my deck........she almost cried when i told here they were coming......she is leaving due to all the noise she said...was the reason........right............oompa
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  flipper

  OOMPA- My wife and I have been reading this thread now for about an hour trying to dissect all the great advice you have been given from these wonderful posters . Everybody has certainly given you some great things to think about.

  I was asking my wife' s opinion from the female point of view and she stated , " I wouldn't want to stay with someone who thought or said I was a " fun killer " or had to agonize over whether to stay with me. " So she thinks maybe your wife might be better off finding somebody who would feel positive about being with her.

  Some truth to that perhaps. Sometimes in life what might be best for us ; might not be best for the other person ; and the opposite is true , what might be best for the other person might not be best for us. But it's a mutual decision which involves honestly getting both you and your wife to open up and bare your souls to each other with no hidden agendas on either of your part in regards to what you both REALLY want in your future. In my reading this thread Oompa - you seem to be waffling back and forth between deciding that your wife and you are crazy about one another - or she is a fun killer and you'd rather be with your friends.

  It's just that this entire situation requires being brutally honest with yourself , and your wife as to what you and her really want out of life. I was married 19 years to a witness woman ( mother of my 3 adult children ) and before we split in 1998 we were having issues ; I said I wanted to go for marriage counseling, she refused . It was the only way it would have helped the marriage stabilize , only if BOTH parties wanted to make it work. We can't force someone to stay with us , just like we can't force someone to love us. We can control the way we react to people and situations - however life goes on within us , and without us.

  As time went on after my divorce I realized it would not have worked anyway. Hindsight is a great educater. You mentioned on one of the pages on this thread that you are going alone to counseling now. Did your wife decide she didn't want to go to marriage counseling anymore ? That in itself may give you a clue if she REALLY wants to make your marriage work. Perhaps she is settling with you because of the benefits she receives , but really would want you to come back to witnessville.

  I truly feel for you my friend. Take your time in making your decision . It's a big one. Be real with your wife. Authentic , honest in dealing with both of your feelings in the marriage. As John Lennon once said, " Life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans. " You and her might not even be aware of each others plans if open communication doesn't dominate your future agenda with each other. Otherwise you and her just THINK you know what each other are planning or thinking. I'm big on communication.

  I truly wish you and your wife the best , we talked on the phone when we had the apostafest there at Lake Tahoe . I'm always happy to talk again if you'd like sometime. Been through divorce ville before 2 times. It does suck. Hang in there and please know everybody here cares for you. If I've said some things bluntly here that offend you - I apologize - however one thing I will never do is lie to you. I care too much to soft pedal or camouflage facts or information you need to hear. In the end the final decision you and your wife make is yours, and yours alone
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  purplesofa

  I was asking my wife' s opinion from the female point of view and she stated , " I wouldn't want to stay with someone who thought or said I was a " fun killer " or had to agonize over whether to stay with me. " So she thinks maybe your wife might be better off finding somebody who would feel positive about being with her.

  I have been sick most of the day and could not post, but have been reading this thread. My heart started to go out to your wife.

  Maybe divorce is the answer. She can find someone wild about her and you can do the same. Both of you can assess who you really are and what you really want in life.

  If my husband felt and said the things you do about your wife I would NOT want to be married to him anymore.

  I think the religion is a crutch right now to not deal with the real differences you have. You have been lied to all your life about religion, look what the effects and how it has made you feel.

  Quit lying to your wife and yourself. Think about yourself, be ok with it. It has much more character than thinking of yourself pretending to think of others.

  purps
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  oompa

  flipper: " I wouldn't want to stay with someone who thought or said I was a " fun killer " or had to agonize over whether to stay with me. " So she thinks maybe your wife might be better off finding somebody who would feel positive about being with her.

  In my reading this thread Oompa - you seem to be waffling back and forth between deciding that your wife and you are crazy about one another - or she is a fun killer and you'd rather be with your friends.

  lol.....i have SOME positive feelings about her.....but oh is she the fun killer......wet blanket.....little sense of humor and married to a nut like me????....crap i write some comedy for fun and have done stand up!......my dream job is to write for letterman and SNL!

  and i think you may want post where on here.....on any of my posts i indicated i was crazy about my wife???......in fact i said the chemistry is missing and we have VERY little in common.....and am even worried that if she woke up....what if that was not enough??.....but thanks for your input.....i will definitely slow down and take some time......this thread has been soooo helpful.......thanks.......oompa

  oh and that was a very kind bitchslap purps....and for the record i really treat her well.....buy lots of flowers and gifts...and i am a damm good masseuse...so i spoil her at least three mornings a week......and i try to spoil her because of all my crap she has to deal with.......she deserves it...
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  OnTheWayOut

  Great timing lance....but dont forget what otwo said....he loves his wife enough to do stuff with friends AWAY from home

  That works for me, but I am not a social person. I have family and a handful of friends.
  While it would be great to keep the psychics and Satan worshippers out of the house
  while she adjusts, I don't fully recommend keeping all your ex-JW friends out if you are
  one of those that cannot handle the solitude.

  I am starting to really bond with some people from my ex-JW world and I would love to
  have some fests. Since I weigh the wife's feelings into my equation and I can deal with
  it, I will have to meet them elsewhere. Weigh it out. It might not be for you.

  Otherwise, Lance is right about it.