Borg court: 1st session (page 10)

Quillsky

Having a baby involved makes your situation more complicated. It appears from an earlier post of yours that this is somebody else's child, conceived during the time she was DF'ed?

Christopher, I can sense you're incredibly stressed and confused right now, and finding it difficult to even see straight, or think clearly. Perhaps you're feeling more alone in the world now then you ever felt when you were really alone. My heart goes out to you.

The last thing you need right now is all this Watchtower rubbish at a time when your fragile marriage and the baby should be your primary concerns. From the bigger picture perspective, you and your wife should be sitting down right now having very long heart-to-heart communication sessions, keeping religion out of it at least in the beginning, and possibly involving a neutral professional counsellor at some stage. All easier said than done, I know.

Hortenzie

I read the whole post and one thought kept coming to me again and again: "People treat you the way you let them treat you." It's time to stand up for yourself. Don't allow your own thoughts of guilt and fear give permission to others to treat you badly. You are a human being and as such you deserve dignity, love and ucceptance of others. Think about it... And All the best!

Cadellin

Hang in there, Christopher. Keep us posted...

sd-7

An update. Energy level returning, probably thanks to antibiotics doing their job.

I'd do another whole post about this subject, but don't want to invite more criticism at a moment as emotionally fragile as this. After that discussion with my wife about field service time, I turned to page 35, paragraph 20 of the book "Bearing Thorough Witness About God's Kingdom" (see my earlier post about it), underlined the sentence, "Jehovah is concerned, not with the AMOUNT, but with the MOTIVE of our giving," and left it in plain view on the dining room table for her when she returned from the KH.

She saw it, and acknowledged its truth, but still claimed that turning in time is the only way the brothers can monitor our spiritual progress. "Well then, amount IS motive, isn't it?" I said. I told her that anyone who's been in the organization knows that this statement is a gross contradiction of the reality. When the C.O. visits, he talks to the congregation, not about motive first, but about the AMOUNT of time they're turning in. Because AMOUNT matters more than motive to them. The person who makes 5 hours with a good motive is still a 'low-hour publisher', and 'unspiritual'. She said that was just something I was saying. "It's not me!" I said. "That comes from the PLATFORM!" Either way, she said, that still doesn't have anything to do with me serving Jehovah. I pointed out repeatedly that once more, the person who notices there's a problem becomes the problem for pointing it out.

The real issue here is that something is wrong with the organization, because the Society fosters this attitude while hypocritically making statements like in the aforementioned publication.

She got really upset, said that all we do is argue anymore. Said that...if I'd just told her in more detail about how I felt about the organization, she would never have married me. I found myself losing my temper. I explained to her that she betrayed me. I trusted her with the one thing that was most difficult to share, and she immediately went to the elders about it. "I betrayed YOU?" she said angrily. "This is not about you!" "I realize that!" I said. (Raised my voice a bit, but not full out yelling.)

She said that I'm not considering the fact that she has a child, and she doesn't want her daughter to grow up and ask questions (ie. think, use her own brain). She said that we need to focus on the "search and rescue mission" we're supposed to be doing--the preaching work (referencing the C.O.'s recent talk). "If we're going to rescue people," I replied, "we need to make sure we're bringing them to a safe harbor, and not making them followers of men!" "Who are you following?" she replied. "Not any man," was my response. "And who do you think I'm following?" she asked. With a genuine feeling of sorrow, I looked at her for a moment, and said, "The Governing Body."

She seems essentially inclined to give up on our marriage. Her heart was breaking before my eyes. ... I told her, if she wanted to leave, I'd understand. As a gesture of goodwill, I told her I would attend all the meetings with her.

I broke down myself as I told her, I didn't want to find out these things. I loved this organization, I loved what I thought was the truth. But I can't in good conscience support this religion, or recruit others into it, because of the rank dishonesty and the needless endangerment of the lives of so many for no reason. If there was a way to forget, I would, in a heartbeat. I don't want to lose my family over this. I cannot lose my family.

I'm trying to figure out a way to make this work, to keep her somehow. It's breaking my heart! I loved her no matter what, never believed a word of what the elders said about her all those years when she was DF'd before. I loved her then, fully. Why is she so unable to feel anything now for me?

I'm starting to understand. I meant nothing to her. I was just another piece of tail. And now that she's done with me, she wants to run back to teh WT, take her lumps, and go on with life. Guess the fun's over. I got taken for a ride. Again.

Sometimes, I hope she does leave. She's obviously not happy here, and doesn't give a [blank] about me. So why stay? Oh, that's right. Free room and board, without having to contribute a dime to it. She appreciates that, in a relative sense. I'm not the kind of man who would throw her out over anything, save walking in on her cheating or something like that. Although, the WT is basically in our bed and she's begging for more, so doesn't that count?

I truly, deeply love this woman and don't want to lose her. I married her because I couldn't let her go. I told her that last night. She seems to feel that my judgment was in error. I guess love really doesn't mean jack, does it? In this organization, love doesn't exist as a concept unless it's directed towards the Governing Body's every word. "Jehovah" should be in quotes, because it's just a name they invoke. None of this has anything to do with him.

...So we're going to finish this, tonight, tomorrow, probably tomorrow. It's time for these bastards to witness the firepower of this FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL SD-7!

--Christopher

isaacaustin

Good luck man. My heart goes out to you.

awildflower

It's sooooo heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for you. Unfortunately, if it's you or the org, she will choose the org. And you will decide along the way how much sacrifice of your own life you want to make to keep her. I wish I knew of more to say.

sd-7

I know. I know, awildflower. I know. I...feel used. I feel used by my wife. But hey, I chose that. I knew the price.

Can't expect a bunch of sympathy for my own dumb choices. Maybe if I'd just kept my head down and obeyed these hucksters, I wouldn't be in this mess. My wife would love me and we'd have a decent life together. ... Maybe that's the only way to keep her. To do what these charlatans tell me to do, and act like I believe it.

But it's just not possible. Not once you've seen it with your own eyes. I'm not afraid to lose her. I'm not afraid of anything anymore. The new system, the one they talk about so much, it's going to be built on the bodies of billions of men, women and children. What's one more body amongst the foundations? The utopia they hope for is an illusion. But the bodies...those are real.

All the victims need to come forward at once, and tell the whole truth of their stories to the whole world, and let them see the evil this religion is responsible for. ...

Thanks for your support, folks, but you know, you don't need to care. It's not your problem. It was my own idiocy that got me here. ... Take care.

--Christopher

Think About It

...So we're going to finish this, tonight, tomorrow, probably tomorrow. It's time for these bastards to witness the firepower of this FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL SD-7!

HOT DAMN.....LOCKED & LOADED!!!

Think About It

isaacaustin

Christopher,

You are right, we don't have to care, it is not our problem...but we do. You are one of us...many of us have in at least some capacity been where you are at. While no one can say the magic words to fix your problems many here can offer unconditional friendship and support- to whatever extent you want.

Hang in there...

Borg court: 1st session

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