by sd-7 111 Replies latest jw friends
Christopher,
I am sorry about what you are going thru. Being thrown under the bus by your spouse is a terrible thing...She herself I would think is now also at risk of being dfed?
Sad to see the loyalty to one's spouse shoved aside for the org, which inserts itself in a place where only God belongs.
Ok, so after reading your comments this is my opinion:
1.- you did nothing wrong, clean your conscience.
2.- to their eyes and your wifes you fornicated and covered it. But YOU dont have to tell them anything else. Only what your wife knows and thats all. Dont give them any ammunition. You can handle the next meeting on your terms.
3.- If the "sin" happened more than 3 years ago and nobody knows and you show "repentance" they wont Df. If what you want is to avoid Df and fade later. Remaining a JW will give you some leeway with your wife and the opportunity to at least try to de-program her.
4.- You will be good what ever the descicion of the JC. If they keep you in, that gives you time to regroup and plan your escape. IF the kick you out then they made it easy for you.
5.- Finding dishonesty is not apostasy. Apostasy is leaving your religion. If you want to be DFD then avoid the apostasy issue. let them have you for the fornication 3 years ago. That way you and your wife share the "sin" together. That gives you more weapons.
you are in control, not them.
Perhaps I should restate, for the record. The actual sins aforementioned all happened in 2009. This is my first and hopefully last committee. I find it unlikely that I can escape DF'ing now. My wife doesn't trust me anymore, so my credibility in religious matters is 0 now. It's not likely I'll convince her of reality. She'd rather talk to elders or older sisters than to me. Marriage is crumbling, I think. ...
--Christopher
She herself I would think is now also at risk of being dfed?
Given that for some reason they didn't speak to her alone (that is, I was present for everything they said to her), I think it's possible they might let her off easy. Just for the simple fact that she's spilling her guts now. Me, I don't think they'll show mercy to. Sucks.
--Christopher
Also a good point. They view confession to them as recognizing their self-proclaimed authority. I wish you the best, I truly do. I know it sucks.
Later on, when the jw part of this has past, you are going to realize that what you "did" was not a "sin". It's just life for goodness sake. If what happened with you made YOU feel bad then you'll know not to do whatever makes YOU feel bad again. Or if what you did hurt someone else, you'll now know how to avoid that. And therapy will help you to put normal life stuff in its place. I know people will have a problem with , "sex before marriage, or fornication" or whatever, but in my mind those things are natural. In my mind, it's all about motive and it seems to me that your motive was not "evil". I don't know if I'm speaking out of line here, I've only caught bits and pieces of your story. I just don't want you to feel like you are some "bad" person. You only feel that way because of your jw life which is all about turning normal things into a guilt or fear trip. And sad to say, but this will probably definitely strain your marriage even more than it already has. But you are holding your own and I'm proud of you for that.
IsaacA-
It was in a Question Box -
It asked if an Elduh or MS committed a sin several years ago, which just came to light, should he be deleted?
It stated that if the sin occurred more than three years before, then the record since then of that person should be considered.
Has he continued zealous in his duties? If it is apparent that he is being blessed by God since then, it is evident that he has been forgiven. (It came out at the time a lot of elduhs and MS were stepping down after confessing old hidden sins.
There is a scan of the infamous document in a thread here. I think it includes the words "statute of limitations" in its title.
BLONDIE - we need you. (I am hopeless at searches it takes me so long I just give up)
www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/.../WTS-SAYS-ELDERS-SINS-DONT-COUNT
Wheee!
HB
thanks HB. On what basis then could my wife have been reproved for our activities of 5 years prior?
Well, I don't know what's natural. Being thankful they don't stone people anymore has been my idea of 'natural' for all of my life. Do I wake up and think of myself as a monster? Certainly, but not so much because I had sex before I got married. But more because I reached a point of no return. I violated my own moral code all because I found out the Society was doing the same thing. That makes me no more honorable than them. It makes my testimony useless. ...
And...it was morally wrong to marry this woman, knowing what I would have to put her through. I had the chance to put aside my pent-up feelings for her. I could have walked away. I could have found a way to make it on my own. Instead, because of me, we're going through this trial. If there is such a thing as sin, I certainly sinned against her.
Deep down, I'd love to have had the opportunity to be a single man, a single, intelligent, creative, handsome man who might find happiness with someone who relates to him emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically. I would've liked to have dated more people, for that reason. Since...it's obvious that the more I tried to repress my desire for companionship, the more I desired companionship. ... Sadly, my wife doesn't really seem to value the dozens of songs I wrote for her, and doesn't laugh at my jokes, and...doesn't see beauty in anything beyond my obedience to the organization. If I sinned against her, I sinned twice as much against myself. Because...much as she's filled my life with richness, I don't feel at all rewarded or appreciated for loving her. Maybe not even respected, in the most basic manner.
But that's my fault. I do have that shame to bear. I loved her, and I made the only choice a man that much in love could make. My only regret is that she may never understand why I feel the way I do about the religion. She will never know how much research, prayer and struggle all of this caused. She will never know how impossible a decision I was faced with, thinking, should I leave her behind, or risk marrying her and bringing this problem into her life? Sometimes...you just wish Vulcan mind-melds were possible.
But I'll figure it out, I guess. Just two more days, and 2nd session will begin.
--Christopher
It stated that if the sin occurred more than three years before, then the record since then of that person should be considered.
This is an interesting topic, albeit off-subject in my case. Worthy of a new thread, I should think. Ironic. The responsibility of us ordinaries to confess would seem to be undermined by statements like that. I did read an article once that said if you sinned in some way, or even committed a crime (even if you were wanted for murder--they did mention even if loss of life was involved), as long as it happened before you got baptized, no big deal. Whack.
--Christopher
