by sd-7 111 Replies latest jw friends
While no one can say the magic words to fix your problems many here can offer unconditional friendship and support- to whatever extent you want.
That means a lot. It's just hard to hang on sometimes. ... Thank you.
There are no other choices left. It's time to fight. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I will not waste a word. It's time to bring it to an end. "Everything burns."
--Christopher
I love the smell of napalm dropped on asshole elders.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPXVGQnJm0w
Think About It
Hang in there, Chris...
I think once you get through the JC meetings, you'll feel nothing but relief and you can focus on your family, not the numbnuts from the KH...
sd-7, at this point your story sounds unbelievable to me.
sd-7, Sorry I missed out on this earlier. I'll just throw out some random thoughts, trying to make you feel better or find some options.
First of all, it sounds like she was a willing partner to the fornication. Don't feel too guilty about that. How were you supposed to know that when she was doing you, she was fantasizing about the "Governing Body".
And before you get any ideas that you being "more spiritual" would make her happy, I'll just mention that I've known those marriages where the husband or wife was pi$$ed at the other for being "not spiritual enough" or "too spiritual". So now she's mad because you're "unspiritual". Likely, if you were to move up to be an elder, she would be mad because you spent time with everyone but her and you acted like you were "better than her" because you spent more time in FS than she could. As an elder, I found that many of those smiling JWs were not happy together. It helped me stay single.
With the judicial thing, one thing that I've used when I've been attacked is NO CONFIDENTIALITY! So, what I did and what the elders say to me is supposed to be "confidential", eh? Technically, only if I choose for it to be. In ancient Israel, such proceedings were held in the city gate. In Chronicles, everybody knew exactly what had happened, by whom, and what Paul said. Some scriptures speak of confidentiality, but not when it comes to punishable crimes. That's why court is conducted in open session, to hopefully insure honest proceedings by both sides. So, if you don't want it confidential, you are free to speak. I can't speak for your comfort zone, but I would sooner let people know that I was being judicially attacked for having premarital sex with my wife than for them to start thinking that it was for some adultery and murder, like King David did.
It sounds unbelievable? Oh, it's true. It's very true. Well...don't know if wife was fantasizing about Governing Body during the uh, process. But...I always wondered about that, Billy--if I turned around became a zealot for "the truth", she would just feel neglected once I moved up in the ranks and didn't have time for her and the kid anymore. So...hammed if you do, hammed if you don't.
It is weird sometimes, though. I feel like I'm the woman in the Young People Ask chapter about marriage, who said her husband only seemed interested in her when he wanted sex. It's not quite that extreme, of course--I may be the gopher of the house once I get home (go for this, go for that), but she does talk to me, of course. But she doesn't like for me to touch her (unless we're about to do it--and she has awakened me at 4 in the morning for that sometimes, even during the week), apparently because she would get really horny and we'd presumably end up marital due-ing it right on the spot. So giving her a hug or a kiss without any sexual stuff attached is out of the question. Being a guy who actually wanted that sort of thing in a mate (ie. non-sexual affection), it kinda sucks. But this is getting to be mature content, isn't it?
It's too bad, though, the Borg getting between us. 'Cause she's really hot. Living under the same roof with a hot woman who doesn't like you is like...window shopping. You can see all the items, but you can't touch 'em. Okay, stop, stop....bad, bad...see? This is a sign of being unrepentant! Why am I still desiring to have sex with my wife? The only way to show repentance would be to not have sex with her for at least a year, then to bring to the elders evidence that we did not have sex for a year, begging for forgiveness and "seasons of refreshing from Jehovah".
To get serious for a moment, though, since I'm healin' up from illness, the Thought Police have set a definite session #2 for Thursday night. I was just reading someone's recorded judicial committee--where was it, TowerWatch? It's amazing how every committee operates exactly the same way. I think I know what to expect now. But there's no going back now. Best I can do is finish the job. Get back to seeing about fixing up this family.
I'll let you know how it goes on Thursday. It's a definite go for that night.
--Christopher
...By the way, did anyone else find the "Night Court" theme playing in their heads as they looked at this thread? Maybe that's just me.
--Christopher
When all is done, show happiness to your wife and express the multitude of opportunities opening before you two.
I would probably DF myself in my own terms and tell them off with style. (I'm not an ex-JW, I married one)
Good luck. 
PS: Oil the door hinges so the door-slam is one they won't forget. 
Good point, Gerard. I know I'm going to be thrilled to finally get out of this crap. I want to accompany my wife to the meetings, assemblies, and conventions as a gesture of goodwill towards her. But the thing is, there's obviously no way for her to talk about the points from the meetings with me without it at least possibly becoming an argument. So...kind of a problem there. She might go ahead and leave at a certain point.
But for me, yes, this is a good thing. To no longer belong to this religion is to be outside of its jurisdiction. (Which I always was in the first place.) It's a license to finally, finally be free of these jokers. I think I might clap for the announcement. Ha ha! That would be memorable.
For her, well, frankly, I can't see any reason why they shouldn't DF her, too, given the circumstances, no matter how contrite she appears or how forthcoming she is with details (and she has withheld some information or distorted other events along the way). She'll just do the guilt/shame thing, maybe even blame me and hate me even more for it. She can't see any opportunities in this except the opportunity to "get back on track", to return to the treadmill of WT activities. Perhaps she's hoping they'll let her off easy and she'll be able to go knock on doors and all.
Well...I've said enough as it is.
--Christopher
It's been about 4 years since this entry was made. As much as much of this thread is laced with confusing, back-and-forth dialogue about what the heck was really going on with me back then, the record of the JC itself is always something worth recalling for me at this time of year.
I've read so much, evolved so much, and I wonder how differently I might have handled all this if I had it to do over. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter. I didn't know half of what I know now, so...it's amazing I was able to handle this even half as well as I did, without really being 100% sure about anything yet.
I invite anyone who's never read my records of my JC to go ahead and read them, if you can ignore the melodrama of my personal life and glean something useful. Maybe folks who are about to face a JC, if they read about what it's like, maybe reconsider and decide on an alternative approach if possible--or if they're going to go into a JC, particularly if they plan to fade, maybe they can see where I went wrong and not make the same mistakes.
Well, take care, folks.
--sd-7
