If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?

by Crisis of Conscience 83 Replies latest jw friends

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  troubled mind

  I have a hard time dealing with this fact off and on . In fact the past week I have been feeling very blue over the loss of relationships . We have been inactive four yrs now and I thought I was over those feelings .

  Before we began our fade it was already evident that our friendships were conditional . I had begun to miss meetings (the first time in 30 yrs.) because of caring for my sick Mother . My husband had let his field service time slip and the brothers approached him to let him know he no longer qualified to help at quick builds .(something he had done for many years ) Because of our obvious weakness in this matter our superficial friends no longer invited us to do anything ,even at meetings if we didn't initiate the conversation others would simply ignore us . My husbands own step brother (Elder) could not be bothered to say hello to us .

  My neice and sister in law often had problems with others in the congregation and would come to me for sympathy and a listening ear . When I went to them with some of my doubts ......they immediately told an Elder and took the counsel that I was bad association and quit speaking to me .....

  We basically grew up in this hall . Raised our family here . Were an active well thought of family ........NO ONE took the time to just stop by and discuss what was wrong ... We explained this to the Elders that recently visited . How can we find any desire to return to people that really underneath did not have the same love we had for them ? A true friend would have tried to understand , would have asked what is wrong ?

  Even now after telling this Elder of the mamy things that bothered me there was no offer to clarify any of the issues I had .....

  I think their visit just stirred up all those hurt feelings once againin me ....And no matter how much history we share with certain people from the hall ....our relationships can never be the same again, because we now see everything different than they do . My hurt comes from with in because I want so badly for them to understand my feelings , but they never will because they are in fact "my" feelings not theirs .

  My husband doesn't understand why I let it get me down ....he just see's it as it is and moves on ....I wish i could do that to .

  For me their visit re-opened wounds that now have to re -heal themselves again ......Does any one else feel like this sometimes ????
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  troubled mind

  Terry I like very much what you wrote !!! I hope you don't mind if I quote you on my facebook blog .
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  ataloa

  Even though they weren't there for me when I really needed it, all these years later I find that I miss my two friends, my fellow converts, and I wonder if I ever cross their minds. Don't know if they loved me or not, but I love THEM.
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  nancy drew

  I believe in following your conscience whatever the cost and it does cost.I don't know if they ever really were my friends people are strange I'm not even sure about my feelings at this point I don't hate or even dislike them even though I was turned into the inquisition. I was looking for real answers not necessarily alot of friends and this turned out to be a dead end in my search so in good conscience I had to leave to maintain my integrity. I guess i wish them all well and hope they wake up before they have squandered whats left of their lives.
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  life is to short

  Sad
• 

  shopaholic

  Simply -mentioning- that we may not believe anymore caused virtually all friends to drop us an run immediately. I mean just a sentence! Not one even tried to comfort us, work with us, find out what's wrong. Just scared to death of 'Satan', 'doubt', etc, and they left us.

  The same happened to me. I honestly thought I could confide in them and they would be a source of encouragement. Instead they were gone faster than you could say 'doubt'. And Terry makes a great point about being loved by a person who has been commanded to love you.
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  mindmelda

  Interestingly, the friends I had that were Witnesses were all pretty much like me, with one foot out of the door.

  Those few I still talk with don't seem to have any problem with me being totally out of it anymore. I never could get in with the hoity toity super Witness bunch much.

  They always made me very uncomfortable, and likewise, I'm sure.
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  Scarred for life

  This subject affected my mother more than myself. My father died suddenly in 1978. He had not attended a meeting in about a year after fading gradually for several years. At my strong insistence, as well as the opinions of my non-JW relatives of my father, we elected to have a non-JW funeral. My mother never heard a word from any JW from any of the 3 congregations that we had been a stong part of at one time. It did not affect me very much at all. I had not considered any of those people to be friends for 6 years or more. But my mother had the same feelings as Terry. She never got over it. And she died 30 years later hurt, angry, bitter.

  Her JW family never shunned us as long as my mother was alive. They considered my mother a baptized witness that was inactive and they hoped to her dying day that she would come back to meetings especially a Memorial.

  Since her death, I do feel that my sister and I have been shunned by her family. Especially since I expressed my honest feelings about the JWs in an email to an uncle. I haven't heard a word from any of them since and I don't think I would be welcome to visit.

  There is a sadness to me that a whole chunk of my extended family is non-existent in my life. But it's not new. They really haven't been an important part of my life since I left the JWs at 15. So it's something that I have lived with to a certain extent for a long time. But it's still sad.

  My advice is to make the best of what you have. Live your own life. Be open to making new friends. Pursue your own interests. Chalk it up to experience. Don't become bitter.
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  Michelle365

  It's hard, hard hard. Once you get used to not seeing them often, the worse part for me was the realization that our friendship hadn't meant to them what it meant to me.

  These are people that I would have done anything for. We've been in each weddings, supported them through pregnancy/labor/childbirth, losing family members, etc. We were closely bonded. And now? It's like they never even knew me. No, hey how are you? How are the kids? I miss you, let's do lunch. NOTHING.

  It still hurts to realize that what we had meant nothing to them, but as the others have stated when you do move on and form other friendships, you start to appreciate what true friendship is. It's awesome to have someone love you and support you even IF you have differing religious/spiritual beliefs.
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  Terry

  Terry I like very much what you wrote !!! I hope you don't mind if I quote you on my facebook blog

  I'm available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs too! Sure. No fee required.