Our young adult son was DF'd after he went to the elders about a matter. Although he was repentant, because he hadn't gone right away, they said they were obligated to disfellowship him. We were shocked, we felt sure he wouldn't even be publicaly reproved. We just sort of went with the flow uncomplainingly because after all he was in the wrong. A few months later, he was diagnosed with Cancer. We took care of him through his Surgery and Chemo sessions. Because he was staying with us, none of our friends or relatives would come to visit. A couple of his friends came to see him on the sly. The only ones who offered us any help were his and our nonwitness co workers. Not even his only grandmother, a regular pioneer, came to see him. Not once did an Elder call or inquire about how my wife and I were holding up. It was as if he didn't exist. I really beleive they were ashamed of themselves and were quite unprepared to deal with the possibility of a person they Disfellowsipped dying on them.
We realized that if the worst happened and he didn't recover, we would be alone to bury our Son. What a lonley bleak realization that was. Here was our handsome son...the kind of decent young man anyone would be proud to have as their own, being treated like an utter criminal. We sat through a few meetings after all of his hair fell out, but it was too difficult to see him sitting there sick and bald, being shunned by a building full of people he had known since he was a baby.
Starting over from scratch is really hard in regard to meeting new people. I haven't had to develop the ability to procure new friends as there was already a ready supply of them at the KH. You automatically knew what everyone believed, what they would or would not do, what they did on the weekends and on meeting nights their lifestyle etc. The rest was a matter of finding personality traits that clicked with yours. But looking back, there was always a "Stepford Wives" feeling present. Like people were going trough the motions somewhat. Like the others have said, once you don't fit the ideal image, you soon find out that much of the warmth and love you felt for your old friends may have been imaginary. We came to realize that we had probably been projecting our own warm loyal feelings onto our friends and family, thinking that they felt the same and would be there for us no matter what.