I had a small circle of friends, people that I had known over 20 years. I had moved to a different area, so didn't see them more than once or twice a year (never clicked with anyone in my new area), but still they were dear to me. I knew when I left that the friendships would be over, and it hurt. I still miss them and think of them from time to time. I wouldn't say that it was not true friendship because they will no longer talk to me, as I understand how the brainwashing works. I'm sure they miss me to a certain extent, but are doing what they think is best. I have made new friends, some very close, so the pain has eased, but it still hurts a bit 10 years later.
If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?
by Crisis of Conscience 83 Replies latest jw friends
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Ding
WT 1/15/1983, p. 27: "Fight Against Independent Thinking"
Watchtower indoctrination stamps out individuality in order to exalt and protect the organization.
In the Orwellian world of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society:
1. Your status is dependent on your relationship to the organization.
2. Your value and worth is dependent on your relationship to the organization.
3. Your acceptablility to Jehovah is dependent on your relationship to the organization.
4. Your identity is dependent on your relationship to the organization.
5. Your friendships are dependent on your relationship to the organization.
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Pitchess Co-Gen
You know not really, because even though I had a lot of Witness friends. I knew they would turn against me once I got disfellowshiped ( and they did; even my closest witness started bad rumors about me. ) So it was easy to let them go. If you want more stories just P.M me
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Gayle
I will always be happy to talk with those friends (my teenage friends, pioneer friends, my Bethel friends, friends from a dozen congregations), if they have finally grown and seen the bigger picture of life, love more, finding no need for such judgmentalism and narrowness of the JW mindset. I would be thrilled to see them again, if they finally recognize the suppression of our earlier years and are totally enjoying their freedom of mind and heart and respecting that of others.
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letsslatejws
Strangely I dont feel hurt. I actually feel relieved that I dont have to put up with them and im totally FREEEEEE....
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miseryloveselders
I'm probably not 100% in harmony with this thread, because I personally don't believe you can have close friends in The Truth. Inner Cities have always been plagued by crime, and homocide. The saddest part about it is how it engulfs young people. As you reach your teen and young adult years, the people around you start falling off. Whether it be they're in and out of juvenile detention facilities, or getting permanent concussions from a bullet in the head. With others not going those avenues, you may get along with them but you tend to grow apart due to whatever goals you and they may have. In a sense its the same when it comes to growing up amongst JWs. My favorite emcee Nas had a verse that always stood out to me. I'll quote it here..........
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The congregation I grew up in, there were several young fellas I grew up with. The dudes that were older than us in the hall who were in their early twenties, none of them stuck with this religion. At the time I never knew why, and didn't think much of it. I just knew my folks spoke badly about them. When I hit high school, thats when it started. We all got baptized around the ages of 14-17. I held out the longest. When I got dunked, a young gal from another congregation told me at the assembly, "uncongratulations!" I might have given myself away sharing that little tid bit, but so what. By her comment towards me, it was obvious she wasn't planning on hanging around too long in this religion. Ya know what? Neither were 90% of the dudes I came up with. One got disfellowshipped, so I couldn't speak with him any more. Another one declined getting baptised as he knew he couldn't keep his penis under control. His folks moved, and the second he hit 18, he went bye-bye. Another declined getting baptized at all, and eventually just stopped coming. I see him occasionally and its all love. I don't even try to pressure encourage him to come to the meetings. The indoctrination is so deep, that the first thing he says to me after greeting and hugging one another is, "Man, I know I need to get back." Another cat I was close to, and I still have love for, he started fading away. He was close to becoming a Ministerial Servant, but he had serious issues and reservations about this organization because of how it influenced his upbringing. He recognized before I matured enough to see it, that this organization oversteps its boundaries in "suggesting" what direction young people should take with their lives. So he only shows up for the occasional Memorial. He's very intelligent, and athletically gifted. It hurt him to see those talents go to waste based off of the decrees given by several old white dudes, and one token black that both he and I have never met personally. There's situations that some of the others I came up with had too, but any of you familiar with the social fabric of this organization have already experienced these situations.
There was an incident that always stood out to me. There was an unbaptized sister in another congragation that hit it off with me. Some kind of incident happened at a Witness party gathering involving her and some other females. Typical catty behavior. My friends and I had left the party long before this incident happened. At any rate, rumors of what happened made their way to the Elder bodies of various congregations, including my own. Because of my link with this gal, my name came up somehow. My father let me have it on the ride home, despite the fact that I had nothing to do with whatever happened. I was gone, didn't even know what happened until he told me. It upset him because he took it as if I was running with the wrong people and I brought reproach upon his name. That day forward I decided its impossible to have friends in this organization because we're all too close for personal comfort. I can't speak on other faiths, but JWs have more problems than any other group of people on this mudball of a planet. There's probably more drama and petty crap amongst JWs than the broads on The View. I vowed after that ride home following that Sunday meeting, I will never get too close to another JW again. It just so happened that around that time all my comrades starting falling away from The Truth. What hurts me is the experiences that adults look back upon fondly during their teenage years, I missed out on a lot of those experiences. The ones I did experience I have to keep to myself, and far too often I was on my own or with worldly folks when I had those experiences.
I thought as I got older and was around more mature people in my age group, petty nonsense would cease. Boy was I wrong, JW adults may be worse than JW teenagers. Elders, their wives, Ministerial Servants and their wives, the handful of nutcases in the hall, the overly sensitive people, the CO and his wife, etc.. All of those I mentioned are capable of gossip, backstabbing, slander, petty rivalries, cliques, etc.. If its screwed up, you'll find it in the congregation. I'm thinking about going to another KH. I gave a talk at a suburban KH full of old white people. In my life I've never seen a building so devoid of emotion. But I betcha one thing, they don't have a bunch of petty nonsense going on. If they do, I'm sure it doesn't compare to other younger halls. These folks are just too old to cause any ruckus. Its about a 1/2 hour out of my way, but I'm seriously thinking about transferring there. If and when I make that move, believe me I won't overly miss anybody from where I'm at now. I don't dislike them, but the old saying carries weight that familiarity breeds comptempt.
Another thing to consider is something Terry mentioned on here. He said that its not true love in a congregation when the love is a directive or order from Bethel. Its so true. Me personally I don't think love in this organization is as prevelant as the WT and JWs would like to believe. Not to say congregations are on the verge of turning into South Central Los Angeles, but its not exactly Care Bears either in the average hall.
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Doubting Bro
MLE - I totally understand where you're coming from. I was always worried about getting too close to other JWs for the same reasons. It stretches into adulthood as well. I agree there is no true love in the org.
You know, if you do transfer out to the other hall, that would be an easy way to decline reappointment. I remember when I moved to another area, I was still an elder but held out on reappointment until the CO came. That gave me a few months to really think about it and the only reason I actually agreed to be reappointed was so I could go through the congo files to make sure there were no pedos there. I really wanted to get one tossed into jail but that hall didn't sweep one of those perves under the carpet. I wish I had never accepted reappointment because it made it slightly worse for me to get involved in the politics of another area.
Don't be so sure that the old folks won't have drama. They will have their psychos and the like just like the congo you're current in. That's the way the WTS rolls. I haven't seen one well adjusted congo yet and I've lived in several parts of the country and have you by a few years.
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1Robinella
Remember a TRUE friend will stay with you no matter what. TRUE friends are hard to come by. Once I left JW's I had no one. The very small group of woman (3) that I thought were my TRUE friend, I confided in with my thoughts and asked for help/direction. During the evening while speaking to them they smiled, stayed polite, encouraged me to not give up, hugged me, told me that they would always be around (I felt good that I was honest to them). We ended the evening well with a dinner and a couple of drinks. Talked about girl stuff and after that night, they didn't want to talk to me at the meetings, didn't return phone calls, didn't send a nice note, wouldn't look at me. They pretended that I was DF'd already. Finally I asked them after the meeting if we could all "talk" they agreed and accused me of being "worldly" "Bad company" then an elder came by (which they set up to see me) and he also wanted to "talk." They told him everything that I felt and thought about. After that sad night, I cried, I was hurt, but I also got over it and thank god I got out. Now I have GREAT friends. Sadly, these so-called friends were never my friends in the first place. Move on be happy. It will take a while for you...be strong.
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1Robinella
I'm so glad I do not see anyone anymore. I'm glad I went through what I went through because it makes me appreciate what I have now. My life is calmer and I have so much more peace. I am not sad or angry. I'm happy. I hope you are too.
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carpediem
The only bad thing about leaving was leaving behind friends. That really upset me and still does. I disassociated a couple of days ago and text my friends to let them know. Only one replied to say she was really sorry and could she help in anyway. My best friend didn't even bother to reply, nor did the person who did the bible study with me in the first place. How sad is this religions grip.