If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up? (page 5)

Aphrael

I miss my friends alot, but I miss my family more. My parents were more than just my parents, they were my friends too and my brother and I were so close I was his 'best girl' when he got married. I cannot explain how much grief I felt losing them (i was disf)- it is like they live in an alternative universe or they've died, except they are living five minutes away from me, and any minute I could drive past them in the car, or bump into them at the supermarket.

At the beginning you think you will never cope, and you just survive. I very fortunate to have a very loving partner who picks me up and sustains me throughout a lot. After a while you learn to live, but sometimes the hurt strikes you again when you least expect it. Normally something stupid like a film you used to watch with them, or a song.

I've found it hard to make friends outside the org, but have found surprising support with the people I work with, who have done things for me because they want to, not because an org is making them, and that has been surprising and heartwarming and these are the beginnings of new friendships. And they know my background, they know who I used to be and they still like me!

CoC - you have to do what is right for you and you alone. I hope you are able to decide without being torn in two inside.

Take care

Aphrael

Crisis of Conscience

Billy the X - You're hilarious! LOL

Aphrael, thank you for sharing your feelings.

And really, thank you everybody for your contributions. It's very comforting.

Honestly, I'm not really afraid of not being able to make friends in the "world." In fact, because of Facebook I have been able to reach out to many from my past.

I guess the difficult part is that it takes years to build up memories. And I have many good ones that I have had with these conditional friends. I know personal things about them. I have seen many of them go through difficult situations. I've experienced many funny moments. I feel I cherish those moments. And I have a love for them no matter what. I'm not conditional. That I know.

But I refuse to fall back into the WT hole. That is my future goal.

CoC

flipper

It felt beautiful. Now I have real friends, not fake friends

dgp

I'm a worldly and I can't even think of what this entails. When I left my Catholic Church, no one stopped talking to me. In fact, nothing changed. My mother keeps waiting I will go back. I have helped her type and arrange the stuff she uses for her church activities, and she knows full well that I don't believe that. It doesn't matter. And I have helped my Baptist friend prepare his presentation at his church, and he didn't care that I was never a Baptist. Merely imagining what you go through is so difficult for me to even conceive.

I can share that the reason I was initially given to join the witnesses was precisely that I would have millions of friends. I didn't believe that, and I remember that I thought I would not want so many friends anyways :-). The witness in question assured me that she'd be friends with me "if I became a witness". That's all I know of conditional friendships.

Exwhyzee, this really got me:

We sat through a few meetings after all of his hair fell out, but it was too difficult to see him sitting there sick and bald, being shunned by a building full of people he had known since he was a baby.

For what it's worth, I sympathize with you. You truly need to be heartless to shun a person in such situation, and to hurt the parents of such person. I remember that one day I read, in a book by Milan Kundera, that "compassion" means "sharing the passion", or pain of the other person. I was never there and don't even know if your son is still alive but, for what it's worth, he would have had company here. If he's still alive, send him my regards. If he left us, know that at least someone would have cared.

dgp

Shame on the bastards who required a cancer patient to sit in a room so they could hurt him! Shame on them, forever!

exwhyzee

If he's still alive, send him my regards.

Thanks DGP. I am happy to report that he is alive and well but will need to be monitored for the next 5 years. This experience was the last straw for his Mom and I, Witness wise, his brother called it quits also. We realized there is something terribly wrong with an organization that can convince, otherwise loving people, to be so cruel to someone in such dire circumstances. Ironically, he was reinstated a short time ago and is back among his long time friends but he has seen the scary side of this organization and the power it has to devistate families and alter the course of peoples personal lives. We are just happy he is still with us, Witness or not. Ironically, he should be shunning his Mother, Brother and myself now because of our leaving...but won't. Ours is not a textbook case and the elders are steering clear of us it seems. Almost 30 years at the same hall and it's as if we never existed.

I used to be suspisious of former Witnesses telling stories like this, thinking there had to be more to it than they are telling. It all changes when it happens to you.

Crisis of Conscience

exwhyzee I used to be suspisious of former Witnesses telling stories like this, thinking there had to be more to it than they are telling. It all changes when it happens to you.

I'm definitely sorry to hear what you have gone through.

And I totally agree with you regarding the comment above. Opening my eyes to what is really going on in this religion has really caused me to be sympathetic with especially those that have been or are disfellowshipped, instead of a judgemental prick. They are not wicked or have the desire to be gross sinners just because the society says so!!

I have been making an effort to reach out to some of them now, as a true friend, as long as I receive word that they are discouraged with or disappointed in the org. Otherwise, despite being disfellowshipped, they may still have their blinders on.

But I wish you and your family the best.

CoC

mamalove

I am resurrecting this thread as I just had an old friend from my old KH who is a DF'd young lady look me up on Facebook. We are having drinks tomorrow night! I was BFF with her older sis....and yes I do miss her. I wish I could have a few of my old friends back. It's funny because my ex-BF, her hubbster was an edler and stepped down because of stress and doubts. I have made a lot of new friends, and had lots of work friends and a few non jdub friends I always kept in touch with. Not being married anymore has actually forced me to make more friends, so I have a bunch of newer relationships on a friends level that is nice to have. I really do not miss any of the old JW people other than my one very good friend.

darth frosty

I always had the outlook on witness life like mission impossible. Y'no how when given the assignment they get the warning if you or any member of your team is captured the secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.

This was what I was prepared to face if I ever left. Like terry said we are basically dealing with a bunch of folk who are conditioned or commanded to 'love' you. I remember one friend of mine who once I was out for good said he couldn't hang with me because he didn't know what I believe now?!?

This was the same cat who I used to pioneer with and hit the titty bars on the weekend with?!? GTFOH!

Just last night (sunday) I was at a witness 'gathering' and realized how much better life is without these brainwashed cult conditioned morons in it. We sat at a table with some 'sister' my wife knew back in the day. Here is how typical witness convo goes with another dub you haven't seen in awhile: Oh what hall are you guys at? Its like you have to give 'spiritual' status updates to show your continued worthiness. I saw this all around the table. Another sis 'oh it was raining so bad yesterday BUT I was determined to go out in service! Shut the fug up you self righteous bitty!

The sister my wife knew followed suite oh I have 2 kids and my oldest is progressing towards baptism! Really thats the highlight of what you can share with us about the fruit of your loins?!?

While sitting there I realized that I hate JW's a bunch of brainwashed turds who wouldn't recognized truth if it slapped them with god almighties dick!

Sorry for the rant had to get that out.

serenitynow!

This was the same cat who I used to pioneer with and hit the titty bars on the weekend with?!?

Y'all were going to strip clubs and pioneering at the same time? Wow, I was such a square JW.

If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?

Share this